I know what I’m trying to say, but the words get caught in my throat.
He tilts his head, assessing my face as we stand there on the steps. I’m glad he’s not making any attempt to leave just yet. “Jade, I’d never treat you like just another girl or a casual acquaintance. I think we both know we have a connection far deeper than that. And what do I want from you in the long run?” He swipes a hand down his face and sucks his bottom lip behind his teeth for a beat, in that second I wonder if he’s going to elaborate. I let out a breath of relief when he continues. “I like you way more than a friend. That night in the car took things to the next level, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s like when I’m with you, everything else fades away.”
“I feel like that too,” I say, shifting my weight back and leaning on the patio beam. “But it scares me, Jay. I swore I’d never get roped up with a sports guy again. And you’re famous, so that evokes even bigger problems… then there’s Tanner.”
Jay blows out a breath, the cool night air settling between us as those intent blue eyes don’t shift from mine. His fingertips lift to my temple and slowly draw their way down my cheek to my neck, it sends a little ripple of warmth right through me as he follows the motion with his eyes. “All of that stuff we can work out. I want to see if this could go somewhere.”
Something blooms in my chest at what he’s saying, that fact he’s even willing to go there with me and potentially put his playboy lifestyle in the past. I wonder if he’s capable of that, and I don’t even mean it in a bad way. I know he’s been how he is for the most of his adult life and those things can be hard to change.
I blink up at him, the moon creating a shadow over his face of light and dark, a little yin and a little yang, and in this moment I feel like it’s just us. Like we’re the only two people in the world.
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.” He quirks a smile and reaches forward, his hand resting on my hip. I get a whiff of his sexy fragrance as he moves, his chest seems broader than ever as it moves in my direction to greet my willing senses. His arms wrap around me as my cheek presses into his hard muscle. He places a kiss on the top of my head, the warm lips that I’ve thought about incessantly since I left Seattle find me with ease. Lips I want to get lost in.
And I want to lose myself so deeply in this man, I know I can if I only let myself. Let the fears of being hurt again be buried in the past where they belong. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze a little tighter and we stand in our little bubble, right out in the open, and in this moment, I don’t care who sees.
He pulls back after a pause and looks down at me. “Good things just have a way of working out, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I breathe, “I definitely do.”
“And we have to put our best foot forward, so to speak, for the wedding as well. So that means you have to get your beauty rest.” He touches my chin softly and bends his neck down to peck me on the lips. It’s soft and sweet, tingling around the edges for more, but we both know it’s not a good idea with my parents and my brother just a short walk away from our cottages. Again, a healthy dose of disappointment flails around the edges of my resolve. I know he would gladly come inside if I invited him in. My mouth opens to utter the words, but instead of asking him to spend the night here with me, I snap it closed before anything can come out. Yes, he clarified he likes me more than a friend, but we’re here for Deb and Tanner’s wedding weekend.
And maybe I’m wrong and he doesn’t want to come in, despite what he’s said tonight. I mean, he would’ve made a move if he wanted to, right? But he just told me to go get my beauty rest.
“Sounds good,” I whisper. My confusion prickling at my insides, a small sting inside because I want to curl up in his arms and breathe in his scent. I smile, maybe a little weakly, but I don’t think he notices. “Goodnight, Jay.”
“Goodnight, Princess.” He leans forward once more and plants one parting kiss on my forehead, searing my skin with his scorching touch, like it’s his own personal invisible imprint.
I toss and turn for what seems like forever. Flinging my arms around and jostling amongst the soft duvet and crisp, white sheets. I just can’t get comfortable. I mean, the bed is amazing,and the pillows are the fluffiest I’ve ever felt, but my mind won’t relax. I’m nowhere near sleep.
With a huff, I hedge myself up and glance at the clock on the nightstand. 1.15 am. I lay back on the king-sized cushions, propping them up a little as I stare up at the wooden beams above me in the V shaped ceiling of the bedroom. The pale wood matches the natural theme of the cottage with soft beiges, light wood and stone accents littered through-out. Definitely my kind of styling — simplistic and minimal, but cozy and inviting. It’s a lovely space to be in and I should be able to sleep with a hitch because I’m tired from the last few weeks.
I’ve been working so hard on my website and my yoga app, plus filming, working at the gym and helping with Luca and the wedding arrangements.
Drifting off to sleep at the drop of a hat shouldn’t be a problem, but I know with Jay just a few doors away, as he kindly let me know he was three cottages from me, I’m not going to get anywhere near sleep. I take a few calming breaths, the ones I’m always practicing and talking about in my classes to calm the mind and signal the brain it’s okay to relax. Then grab the comforter and fling it back with gusto as I yank myself up and out of bed. My feet hit the cool, pale wood underneath and I immediately slide into the hotel slippers. I grab the robe at the end of the bed and shrug it on, tying it at the waist.
With my heart hammering like a jackhammer in my chest, I pull my hair back into a ponytail and cut the distance to the door in a matter of seconds and make for the stairs. I know if I don’t walk fast, I’ll chicken out and just lay here all night staring at the ceiling.
When I’m downstairs and across the small lounge, I reach the front door, clutching the cold brass doorknob and twist it open. The cool night air hits me in the face, but it’s a welcomefeeling because I’ve been all hot and clammy, rolling around trying to sleep for the past couple of hours since Jay left.
I make haste down the patio stairs in my slippers, wondering if this is such a good idea, and maybe I should have put my shoes on, but if I turn back now, I may just chicken out.
I glance around as I tumble myself forwards, glancing around in the still of the night. I’m the only one out here from the looks of things, not even the vibe of the casino beyond the hotel’s walls can be heard from back here. The water laps gently like it has no cares in the world, and the mountain as its backdrop seems to edge me forward, like they’re encouraging me to be a little reckless. And maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t want to go another minute without being in Jay’s arms. He’ll be gone later today to meet with his team, and then there’s the game tonight, so I probably won’t see him until the wedding.
Our time is right now. And I want to kiss him so bad.
These are the things I recite to myself as I walk along, edging closer to cabin eight with my palms clasped together for moral support. My brain is doing overtime and my heart beats like a drum. But when I walk up the steps to the deck and stand at the front of his cottage, I have no hesitation anymore. Just excitement and a wanting need bigger than I’ve ever felt before.
I raise my knuckle to the door and knock. All that’s left to do is wait.
CHAPTER 21
Jay
