“Aunty Jade!” he cries in a high-pitched squeal, his little arms and legs wrapping around me.
“Hi, my darling boy.” I hug him close to my chest and stand upright, swinging him around as he giggles and hangs onto me with a squeeze. Tanner and Deb follow close behind with some wine and a platter of food.
A round of hugs and kisses and excited chatter ensues, and I don’t want to put my little nephew down. He has the blue-eyed charm of our side of the family, and gorgeous little blonde curls. My heart tugs for a moment when an image of what it would be like to have Jay’s child, my belly round and our hearts full of love for our own little bundle, crop up in my mind. It comes from nowhere and is completely unwarranted. I almost need to slap myself.
We might have kissed on two occasions, with him giving me three orgasms in one session without even getting one item of clothing off, and my mind is booking the chapel and picking out school districts.
I feel foolish, but no one is remotely aware of the embarrassed flush to my cheeks at my unrealistic thoughts about the future. Thank god for that.
I’ve no idea what Jay wants in his future, and I’ve no idea how we’re going to navigate this if and when we decide to pursue more. I mean, he sure sounded like he wasn’t done with me yet. Not by a long shot.
His words: Oneday I want to taste you for real. Nothing would give me more pleasure, ring in my ears like a tambourine,almost rattling my brain. It’s enough to get my heart kick started again, the flame of excitement burning more than just a flicker deep inside me. It’s an unbridled yearning for a man I know I shouldn’t fall for. A man I know I can’t fall for. It’s all kinds of impossible and crazy.
I know for one that Jay just simply isn’t a relationship kind of guy. Even if I didn’t see him for so long, I followed him quite a bit over the years in the NHL. Other than a girlfriend early on in his career, several years ago, he doesn’t appear to have had a girlfriend since. There certainly is a host of candid photos of him at an array of charity and hockey events with different women each time. Most of which seem to look like a carbon cut out of Janey.
I roll my eyes at the thought and my mind tells me that he didn’t want her, remember?
Over dinner it’s an easy conversation, most of it is questions towards me about my trip to Seattle and what I’ve been up to. I tell them about Jay taking me ice skating, the hockey game, and going to the Arboretum to take photos for my website, the part they know about, as well as the dance lessons where Jay couldn’t stop sayingcha-cha-chaand wiggling his hips.
“Sounds like you’ve been hanging out with Jay a tonne,” Tanner says. “Hope he was looking out for you.”
I grab my glass of water from the table, clutching it at the rim, all eyes are on me as we eat. I’m sure my swallow is largely audible, but I can’t be sure. “He was great,” I say with an enthusiastic smile. “You know Jay.” I want to slap myself for sure. What they don’t know is how I’ve grown feelings for him that I never knew I could explore. Not to mention how great he is with his hands… and those hot, wet kisses took me beyond orbit. When my fingertips grazed over his ridiculously hard length, I got the shock of my life. Those ad campaigns of Jay in his underwear, the same one that Tyler and Jake both appeared in,showcased the treasure inside the underwear in its true form. Jay is as jacked as a man can get and I feel bad, as well as a little frustrated, that I didn’t get to explore it further or give him something to be dreaming about.
“What else has been happening?” Tanner asks. I notice he’s not brought up a stitch about the wedding yet, but maybe they need a break from all the wedding plans.
It’s then that I realize my big opening has just been handed to me, so I take a breath, a long exhale making my shoulders relax back, well, as relaxed as they can be. “Well, I’ve been looking into elements of that yoga app I was talking about a few months ago, and I’ve decided to take the plunge and launch it after the new year.”
Deb claps her hands together excitedly, and Luca follows suit, though he’s just following her actions, it still makes me smile. “That’s wonderful, Jade.”
“Thanks,” I say warmly. “It’s taking a lot of work because people will pay a subscription, and I have to have a lot of different workouts and at least two new classes a week.”
“That sounds like an awful lot out of your already busy schedule,” Mom says, passing Dad the bread basket.
“You know how she is,” Dad says, casting me a wink. “Jade will make it work. As long as you’re not burning yourself out, it sounds great.”
“Are you sure you’re going to be able to do that when you’re working full time?” Tanner asks, stuffing more vegetable pie into his mouth.
“Well, that’s the thing,” I laugh nervously into my glass of water I’ve just raised to my mouth again. Though I’m thinking I should have gone with something stronger. “I already quit my job back in LA. I’m not going back to that school, only to grab my things from storage and from Susan’s place who has some of my textbooks.”
All eyes land on me in one fell swoop and I feel a sudden dryness hit the back of my throat, my stomach twinges a little nervous pang to match everything else.
“You what?” Mom just about falls off her chair.
“Yeah, I’m not going back,” I say. “Aaron and I are over, as you know. But I decided I wanted to come back to San Diego and start teaching yoga here.”At least I thought I did. But all I can think about at the moment is Seattle.
Tanner’s forehead scrunches. “Teach yoga for a job? Do people make a living from that?”
“Some do,” I quickly say, avoiding my mom’s shocked face. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I love doing it.”
“And you don’t love teaching at the school anymore, Honey?” Dad asks. “I know it’s been a lot on your plate lately, but this is kinda coming out of left field.”
“I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure,” I go on. “But after being away and having a chance to think about what I really want to do, it’s made me realize I’m just not enjoying working in a high school like I thought I would.”
“And you didn’t think to tell us you’d quit your job?” My mom’s disappointment is palpable.
I sigh and put my knife and fork down, and I don’t want what I say next to be a pity party thrown in my honor, but they deserve to know the truth. “I wanted to tell you,” I say. “I really did. But I just didn’t know how. The same with what really happened with me and Aaron.”
“What about you and Aaron?” Dad asks as Luca tries crawling across into his lap to get to his dinner roll.
