My desire for her ignited the second her eyes met mine off the ice, my body going into a fully fledgedI only have eyes for Jade Jonesmode.
And to think Janey just about ruined things again. I’ve really got to have a word to Marcy about how some of these girls keep getting let into the players’ lounge and what line she’s spinning them to be there in the first place.
She doesn’t seem to get the fact that we had a wild night one time, months ago, and I’m not interested in repeating it. She knew the deal. I never promise any of the girls anything. In fact,I make it more than clear that it’s a one-time thing and I’m not looking for anything more.
The look on Jade’s face when I turned around and knew she’d seen Janey wrap her arms around me told me she was upset. The way her wide eyes glazed over and she tried to hide her shock by turning away from me.
I never want her to turn away from me, or run from me. To think I’d be the cause of anything like that doesn’t sit well with me.
For the remainder of the evening, I have to be social, keep my hands to myself and act like I don’t want to whisk her off and spend the last bit of time she has alone. It’s like I have itchy palms, palms that want to discover every last inch of her.
And fuck, I know it’s wrong.
Tanner and I have a friendship that runs a decade deep, maybe he should know I have feelings for Jade before anything happens. What the fuck I would say niggles around the edges, guilt staring me square in the face, but I chose to ignore it, at least for tonight. I can swim around in my guilt all I want when she’s left for San Diego.
I’ll have plenty of time to do that before the wedding. And that’s the other reason I can’t fuck this up, not just that she’s Tanner’s sister that I’ve known for so long, but she’s the girl who helped me get through my final exams before I left for North Dakota. The girl who saw me at my worst after that night out in the storm, but she never pressed me for information, or looked at me with pity like her mom did. She’s never judged me in any way, shape or form for having a drunk for a mother.
She was there for me without even knowing she did it. And I’ve valued our friendship ever since.
I would never, ever hurt her.
Of course, one kiss doesn’t mean she wants to run off into the sunset with me before she catches the first flight out of here inthe morning, but she confirmed the spark between us when she kissed me back.
Somewhere in the haze of it all, I get the fact she may just need to take things slow, if she wants anything at all. But the larger part of me is screaming I can be here for the long-haul and it doesn’t even scare me. Not like it does with other women.
The only thing that scares me is that I may not be good enough for her. Somewhere underneath it all, despite the good people I’ve had in my life since I left my mom at age seventeen, I still feel unworthy of love. My own mother didn’t want or love me, so why would anyone else?
It bristles around the edges of my resolve, causing gooseflesh to travel up my arms, but I try to ignore it and push it back down. Nothing good ever comes from thinking about the past or why anyone would want to take a chance in loving me.
“You okay, man?” Ty braces a hand on my shoulder when the girls all get up together and head out to the restroom. They’re like their own little posse.
Turning to my best friend, I nod. It may be hesitant and wistful, but what am I supposed to say? I don’t understand why all that past shit is coming up in the first place. I’m surprised he even noticed a change in me, but I guess he’s not the captain and my best friend in Seattle for nothing.
“I’m fine.”
He looks at me dubiously, but I sling an arm around him and tell him how good that last power play was against Dallas. We’re all thrilled about the win.
When the girls make their way back, I glance at my watch and realize it’s getting late. Later than I thought, and we need to wrap up the evening. One by one, we say our goodbyes and my teammates start to go their separate ways with their lady loves, leaving just me, Jake, Beth and Jade standing out on the sidewalk.
“I can give you a ride home?” I hear Jake say with a tilt of his head in Beth’s direction. My eyebrows shoot up as I look at Jade. There still hasn’t been a chance yet to put in any kind of word for her with Jake, I’m fucking hopeless. I’m still surprised he even remembered they’d met after that night. They were both pretty tipsy. But Jake surprises me in many ways, and he hasn’t been drinking much tonight, one beer with dinner. I’m the same.
Without even hearing Beth’s reply, it’s obvious she’s going to take him up on his offer.
So I offer to drive Jade back to Beth’s place right behind them. I know she’s beat and has to be up in a few hours for her flight.
“I can drive you to the airport in the morning?” I offer when we ride over to Beth’s apartment, the warmth of my heater blowing out in a gentle hum.
“You’re so sweet, Jay. But the flight is at six-thirty. I’ve ordered an Uber to take me.”
I sigh, not sure I’m happy with that. “I’m gonna miss you, J. It’s gonna be weird around here without you.”
“No one to cook you breakfast on your morning off, more like.”
A laugh bubbles from my throat, echoing around us as the city passes by in a blur. “It sure was a great breakfast, and I’m more than happy for you to cook for me when I come over for the wedding.”
She laughs too, sweet and musical, a sound I want to save to my memory bank because it’s going to be a while before I hear it again. “Deal.”
I’m unfortunately at Beth’s place in no time at all, pulling in out front of her townhouse. I wanted to ask her to come back with me to my apartment, but another part of me doesn’t want to come off too strong, even if we did kiss back at the stadium and I fucking know she was into it.
