Shane:
You couldn’t wait for him to come home to get what you always wanted. To fuck your brother, you dirty fucking slut.
Well, this is us fucking done then. You’re willing to catch what he has. I won’t touch you again.
I have no idea how he knows the things he does. It’s another of those secrets I’d have taken to the grave if I could have.
What does Dollie think?
Does she think less of me?
Would she have let me kiss her, touch her, if she did?
She told me she’d have gone the whole way—she can’t possibly know.
Shane sends another message, something about how dirty and disgusting he thinks I am. It would get under my skin more if it weren’t written by vermin.
Dollie’s eyes turn wide as she quickly tucks the phone away.
Her attention moves back to the pizza, fingers collecting all the small chunks of pineapple—her favorite part—first, before she takes a bite of her selected slice.
Feeling her eyes on me, she whispers, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he’s such an asshole.”
Her hand settles on my leg, her painted nails different from how I remember them—the natural pink, so demure and classy.
“Don’t apologize for him.” My hand covers hers, squeezing lightly.
“No, I have to. He has no right to say those things.” She gazes up at me, so many words unsaid between us. The ones I hear loudest—she knows, but she doesn’t feel the way he does. “He found Mom’s diary when he went into their room, and he read so many things. He shouldn’t know your secrets. And I should never have dated him. You were right. He’s awful, and it would have been so easy for me to become another statistic. I guess I’m lucky, it’s over.”
It doesn’t sound over with all those messages still pinging from her pocket, but I keep quiet on that.
“Maybe we should get you a matching tattoo.” I let strain take over as I lift my aching arms, wrapping them both around her and pulling her in until she’s in my lap.
“I don’t know. Will it hurt?”
“It’s like a dragging scratch.”
“So, what you’re saying is, I’ve been through worse?”
“Oh, definitely.”
“Okay then. And I’ll even get it in green, so it looks alive.”
“Yeah, yellow will do the opposite. Pink could work, though.”
“No, I’m going to get it green. Like you.”
“I love that.” Nuzzling into her, I’m close to those awful fucking bruises when I whisper something just for her. “Thank you for not letting him get in your head this time.”
This time, when it means the most.
She’s probably able to feel my heart pounding against her body when she moves in my lap, gripping Duggan from her side and squeezing the poor thing around the throat. “I didn’t know if any of it was true. You never told me anything. I mentioned to the paramedics that you might be?—”
“HIV positive.”
There’s a glossing in Dollie’s eyes that wasn’t there a second ago. The wobble of her lower lip and the vibration in her body are new, too.
She leans back into my chest, her head against my racing heart that’ll stop if she says this is too much for her.
