“Did you enjoy yourself when we were fighting in the water?”He always seemed to enjoy it when we were fighting, sparring, bantering.So did I.This time around, it didn’t result in us tearing each other’s clothes off the way we did in Napa and all the other times we’d done it in the ten days since.
“You know, that was actually fun.”His lips twitched.“Even if I don’t appreciate being bested.”
“Why can’t it be enough that we had fun?”
He clicked his tongue.“Having fun wasn’t the point.”
“When is it the point?Does that time ever come?”
He lifted his sunglasses, turning his head and quirking an eyebrow at me.“Since when does it matter?”
“I don’t know.Maybe it should.I work like hell, but I also try to enjoy myself when I can.Not everything is about ‘optics.’” I made finger quotes around the word.
His eyes rolled.“It’s cute you think that, but you’re also mistaken.”
The man was a mystery.The kind that left me hanging between wanting to roll my eyes back and forget he existed, wanting to solve him.If we were to spend the rest of our lives in each other’s path, it only made sense that I would want to understand the man.What made him tick?
“You got what you wanted.Right?The properties, your empire.Can you relax a little bit now?”I asked.“Try to enjoy it a little?”
“Who are you, and what did you do with Mirabella?”
It was sort of sad how desperate he was to change the subject.God forbid he be human.“This is me asking you a serious question.”
He shifted a little on the chair, then released a deep sigh.“The therapy session is over.”
I shouldn’t have tried.There was nothing that set my teeth on edge like being dismissed, and he was the king of dismissal.Why wasn’t it enough for me that we had great sex and actually saw eye to eye on a lot of issues revolving around the company?It should have been enough.It needed to be enough.
“The thing is, you wouldn’t understand.”He said it so quietly I almost didn’t realize he was talking to me until he turned his head again, propping the sunglasses on top of his head.“This has always been yours.This life.You were born into it.”
“Am I supposed to apologize for that?”
He snickered, shaking his head.“Down, girl.Put the claws away.I was making an observation, not a judgment.”
“Anyway, what difference does it make?”
“It makes a damn big difference.You can tell yourself to sit back and relax and enjoy it.And you’re right, I should try.But have you ever worked for something, really worked for it, pinned all your hopes on it, and lost it?”He snapped his fingers.“Let me tell you, it’s the kind of thing that changes a person.”
I could barely keep up with him, combing back through everything I had learned about this man.Papa had compiled that whole dossier on him.What did it say?
Finally, it hit me.“Are you talking about when you were playing football?”I guessed.
“Yeah.”He blew out a sigh, shaking his head while his jaw twitched.“You don’t understand.It was my ticket out.I was going to be a star.I had scouts from all over the country showing up at practices and games, reporting to their coaches on their phones while I worked.I could see the whole future laid out in front of me.A career.Money, finally.I was going to retire my mom so she could enjoy her life, and I would make it so she would never have to worry about anything.No more sitting up late at night, crying over a stack of bills.No having to decide between buying a new pair of work shoes or making sure I had decent cleats.And then…”
I held my breath while he cleared his throat.“Everything changed in a heartbeat.I got hit, I went down… felt pain like I had never felt.I knew it was over.The whole plan had to be scrapped, reworked.And once I got over the pain, I started moving forward.But there were those moments, lying on the field and wanting to puke from the pain, when I thought to myself… this is it.It’s all over.Everything I wanted gone in the blink of an eye.”
My heart ached for the kid he used to be.He had spoken so little about his past, almost not at all.It was like opening a big, thick book whose pages resisted being turned.“But look at what you created,” I reminded him.
“Sure, over the course of years.Try being seventeen and finding out your future is over.So no,” he concluded.“I don’t find it easy to sit back and relax because I know it can go away.There’s always room to improve.”
There was being driven, and there was being obsessed.I used to think I fell into the latter category, but I had nothing on the man lounging beside me.It struck me as sort of sad that he couldn’t take any time to enjoy the results of his work.
“Where is your mom now?You’ve never mentioned her.”And she hadn’t come to the wedding.At the time, it made perfect sense since the whole thing was a sham.
“She lives in Dallas now to be closer to her sister.It’s been a while since I’ve made it out to see her.”If that bothered him, he didn’t show it.“I usually try to make a point of it around the holidays.But she has everything she’ll ever want or need.That’s something I’m always on top of.”
I wondered if it was enough for her.If she wouldn’t rather have him around once in a while.It was safer to keep my thoughts to myself, closing my eyes and letting myself drift away while endless questions rattled around in my head.
Those same questions were still torturing me by the time we were getting ready to land in LA.I gazed out the window, admiring the lights in the distance.I was almost home.
