I nod.
“Don’t be, sweetheart.It’s a sad story, but it’s mine to bear, and I don’t want to put it on you.If anything, you renewed my faith because I’d given up hope of becoming a father again, and only when I met you did my heart blossom with possibilities.I know it sounds romantic and ridiculous and insane, but it’s the truth.I wanted a baby with you and acted like a lunatic in my efforts to achieve that.I regret it, and I’m sorry, Jenna.”
The golden girl is silent a moment.
“You should be, because stealing a woman’s birth control is just wrong and messed up.”
“It is, and I apologize again,” I say in a low, fervent tone.“Because look where we are now.You’re as angry as a hornet, and we haven’t talked in ages.But again, I support whatever path you choose, sweetheart.Even if it destroys me, I’ll be there for you because this is about you.After being so selfish, I need to change my ways, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide.”
The words hang heavy in the air between us, and suddenly, I feel tired.For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m forty-five years old, with the cares of the world resting upon my shoulders.It’s a heavy load, and my shoulders sag a bit as my posture slumps.But I’ve said what I needed to, and now, the ball’s in Jenna’s court.
She looks thoughtful for a moment, and one small hand slips unconsciously across her burgeoning tummy.My pulse races when I see that small gesture because maybe it’s a sign?Maybe she’s already bonded with the child, and somehow, someway, we will work it out.Suddenly, I begin making resolutions.I’ll quit my job if I have to.I’ll buy us two igloos in Antarctica, one for her and the baby, and one for me, if that’s where Jenna wants to go.I’ll do anything to be a part of this child’s life, as long as she lets me.
But the golden girl fixes me with a look then, and my heart contracts.What if she hates me?What if she takes our child, and refuses to let me be a part of its life?I literally feel faint when Jenna speaks again, her voice low and trembling.
“Actually, you’re not the only one who hasn’t been a hundred percent upfront.I have something to tell you too, Rick.”
I nod.
“Of course,” I say in a low tone.“It’s fine, Jenna, whatever it is.We’ll work it out.”
She bites her lip, looking away for a moment, before looking back at me.
“No, it’s actually pretty serious,” she begins in a slow tone.“Because you don’t know all of me, either.You only know what I’ve told you, which isn’t that much because we haven’t been seeing each other that long.”
I nod.
“Yes, but now you’re pregnant, so we’ll work it out.Whatever it is, it’s not so bad, and we’ll figure it out for our child’s sake.”
Jenna bites her bottom lip, and that pink pout is so plush and rosy that I long to kiss her there, before kissing her everywhere.But the curvy girl shakes her head again, blonde curls rippling, before meeting my gaze head-on, her mouth set.
“I’m not actually an orphan,” she begins in a low voice.“My mom is still alive.Yes, I lived in a group home before matriculating at Evergreen, but it’s not because my mother couldn’t care for me, or because we didn’t have enough money.It’s because Stephanie threw me out.”
“Okay, but that happens sometimes,” I say in an amenable tone.“You were a troubled young woman, right?Loud music, talking back, or maybe drugs?Teenagers can be difficult to live with, and you acted out.You and your mom butted heads, and your behavior was so frustrating and abhorrent that she ended up throwing you out of the house.”
“Yes, my behavior was abhorrent,” Jenna acknowledges in a slow tone.“But thereasonwhy my behavior was abhorrent is a big deal.It wasn’t drugs, or shoplifting, or anything like that.It’s because I was sleeping with my mother’s boyfriend, and I got pregnant by him.”
I stop and stare at Jenna, my eyes blinking as my mouth opens and closes without sound.I can hear her words, but I can hardly process them.
“I’m sorry?”I ask dumbly.“You what?”
Jenna nods, her expression a million things at once.She’s contrite and embarrassed, but also defiant, like she’s daring me to judge her.
“I got pregnant by Julio,” she states in a low voice.“I’m not proud of what happened, nor am I trying to excuse my behavior.But I was a young girl who believed I was in love, and I thought he loved me back.I thought Julio was going to leave my mom, and that we were going to have a happy future together.”
I stare at her, still trying to process the shock.
“And so what happened?”
Jenna looks at me askance, the corner of her lip tilting up sardonically.
“What do you think happened?Julio was horrified at the pregnancy, and immediately demanded that I get an abortion.Even worse, he said there was no way he was leaving my mother because Stephanie pays all the bills.She was his sugar mama, and there was no way he was giving up a luxurious lifestyle to change diapers while living in poverty.After all, my mom is a successful real estate broker in Florida, and she was the one funding his polo career,” she says in a simple tone.“As a result, Julio had everything to lose by leaving her, and nothing to gain by staying with me.”
“So you had the baby and gave it up for adoption.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jenna corrects swiftly.“I had an abortion when I was nothing but a girl.It was a big deal because abortion was pretty much illegal in Florida, even back then.It’s highly restricted, and we had to jump through a lot of hoops.My mom organized and paid for everything, obviously, because I had no money and neither did Julio.But the experience devastated Stephanie, and after I recovered, she couldn’t stand to look at me anymore.I ended up in foster care, and after a series of group home transfers, made it all the way up here.”
“So you were recovering from an abortion when your mother kicked you out.”
