“What the fuck?”
He narrows his eyes at me, telling me without words he’s starting to get pissed—good, me too—but manages to keep his tone calm as he asks, “How are you finding things here? At practice.”
It’s my turn to make him wait for my answer. Mostly because I don’t know what else to say other thanwhat in the goddamn fuck is he talking about? But then I realize what’s happening and my body tenses. My blood heats and I fist my hands at my sides. So this is it, huh. He brought me in here for thisbullshit.
Clenching my teeth for a few seconds, I at last say, “If you’re taking suggestions, I’ll admit I’d like more variety at the vending machine. The same old shit is getting boring. And maybe some hot towels in the shower.”
Irritation flickers through his features but I don’t think it’s good enough. I want him pissed. I want him as fucking pissed as I am right now. But somehow—and I know it’s a struggle for him; I can see it in the tensing of his features—he manages tokeep his calm and say in a brittle voice, “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I say, my voice just as tight as his.
His jaw pulses. “I’m trying here.”
“Trying to do what?”
“To talk to you.”
“About what?”
“About the shit you’re going through,” he snaps.
I fold my arms across my chest. “And what shit would that be?”
Con watches me for a few seconds before breathing deep and shaking his head. “Look, I’m not good at this, all right? And especially with you. We’ve always been,” he pauses to search for a word, “at odds with each other. I’m the brother who makes the rules and you’re the one who breaks them. And maybe it’s my fucking fault that this is… fucking difficult. Talking. But…” He takes another deep breath here. “This must be tough for you. Watching her. With Stellan.”
Tough isn’t the word I’d use.
It’s excruciating, watching the girl I thought was meant for me, with my twin. Although if I’m being honest, I didn’t think it would be. When I found out she wanted him instead of me, I thought I could handle it. When I found out he wanted her back, I thought I could handle stepping aside and letting them be together. Not only because you can’t really stand in the way of two people wanting to be with each other, but also because I knew Stellan deserved his happy ending.
What I don’t know is why I’mnotover his new girlfriend yet.
“It would be for me,” Con goes on. “If I had to see Bronwyn with…”
He trails off, swallowing thickly, and I fist my hands tightly. Because I’m surrounded by fucking love, aren’t I? My oldestbrother, like my other two brothers, is in love too. In fact, he just proposed to Bronwyn.
And I get the same urge to punch his face, like I did back on the field toward Ledger. Andof fucking course, on the heels of that urge is my ever-present guilt. It’s not that I don’t want Conrad to be fucking happy. It’s just that I want him to go be happy somewhere else.
“All I’m trying to say is,” he continues, his eyes reflecting the same emotion that everyone else’s is—pity—“it’s not easy and I don’t fucking envy you. So if you’d like to take a break, no one?—”
“I’m fine.”
“No one would blame you,” he finishes his sentence.
I clench my jaw, gritting my teeth for a few seconds before saying, “Is there anything else?”
He watches me for a beat. Then, “You need it.”
“I need what?”
“A break.”
This time, I grit my teeth so hard I feel the pain radiating through my jaw. It’s a good thing though. It manages to distract me from this feral need to punch my older brother slash head coach. When I know I won’t fucking fly across the room in rage, I clip, “No.”
His nostrils flare. “Sitting out a season is not ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world. You’re?—”
“I’m not fucking sitting out a season,” I bite out.
“You—”
