No, they aren’t.
And while I’ve tried to keep my cool for over twenty-four hours, tried to keep myself distracted from the list of things I need to do before I can go get her but now, I’m starting to get antsy. Where could she be?
She told me the other night before I stupidly fucking left to get away from her and her truth, that she wouldn’t be here when I came back. I didn’t think this is what she meant. I didn’t think it meant me getting back to the hotel after that bullshit fucking meeting with the management—they’re still deciding my fate by the way, but I should hear something by tonight because the next game is in two days—going straight to her room to find Callie in there, looking at me with accusation. My sister handed me her note with a muttered, “Idiot.” And then left.
It said three words:Don’t chase me.
I ignored it and called her cell to find out she left it in her hotel room. Quite possibly because it has the tracking software on it. I went back to Callie to ask her exactly what happened and where she went. My sister said she didn’t know. All Jupiter said to her was she needed space and handed Callie the note. So I went to Snow because she wouldn’t leave without telling Snow where she went. But again, Snow gave me no information otherthan: “She loves you, Shepard. And you broke her heart. She’s not here because of you. Fix it. Bring her back.”
Meanwhile, Reed was making his own phone calls so we could take care of our asshole parents. And my brothers were trying to get any information they could from their women about where Jupiter went. All of them kept—still keep—saying the same thing: I’m an asshole and she needs to be away from me for a bit. But they aren’t telling us anything else.
Enough is enough though. I need to find her. I need to fucking tell her that I love her and then I have to find a way to win her back. Because we’re connected and I’m not giving up on her and neither am I letting her give up on me.
On us.
Chapter Thirty-Four
When you’repart of a family, disappearing takes a lot of work.
It takes planning and scheming. Not that I was in any shape to scheme or plan the night everything happened. I was a wreck, for lack of a better word. Or rather, wreck is a perfect word. Because that’s what he makes me.
In any case when he left me in my room, I crumpled to the floor and I cried and cried. Then I got up and decided that I didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t be here when he got back. I couldn’t face him, and neither could I face anyone when my heart was breaking.
My first call was to Tempest because she’s the one who knows at least part of it. She left the party to come to me because that’s what good friends do. I confessed to her about me and Shepard, that something had been going on between us. But now it was over. I didn’t tell her the details as to why or what happened, and she respected my privacy enough to not ask. Although I bet she could see whatever had happened was probably brutal and heartbreaking with the way I kept hiccupping and sniffling.
My next call was to Callie. Because I was done with secrets. And if I did disappear for a few days, they all deserved an explanation as to why. A truthful explanation.
By then, they’d all come back from the party and Callie, like the best friend she is, left her babies and her husband to come into my room to talk to me. As always, Callie was supportive. But then again, when has she not supported me? Even so, I apologized for not confiding in her sooner and keeping my feelings for her big brother a secret. She waved that away, saying all of us have had secrets from time to time. And that she was more concerned about me and whatever her brother had done to me.
And then came Snow. I felt bad waking her up in the middle of the night, but I had to tell her. Even though it felt like one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, telling her the truth and then getting her permission to get away for a while. I felt like the shittiest sister in the whole wide world. It reminded me of what my mother had said that I had to be willing to make sacrifices for her, for my baby and this was the opposite of that.
But then Snow told me, “You’ve done everything for me, Juju. Every single thing. You protect me. You love me. You take care of me. You work so hard for me, and you never ever make me feel like a burden and I’m not even your?—”
“Don’t say it,” I cut her off. “Youaremy sister and I will always do everything for you. For as long as I can.”
“So then, do this for me,” she said, her eyes watery. “Go away for a while. I’ll be okay. We have a family now.”
While the situation was miserable, it still made me happy to hear her say that. To see herbelieveshe has people in her corner and not feel insecure like she had in the beginning. And it’s all thanks to the Thorne family. No, it’s all thanks to him who went out of his way to make his new sister feel welcome.
God, leave it to him to do the sweetest things that sting like a bite.
Then, I proceeded to tell her to not give him a hard time. I told her whatever happened wasn’t his fault and that sometimes people just weren’t meant to be together.
It was—is—both a truth and a lie because wearemeant to be together but at the same time, we aren’t. He has issues and no matter how many times I try to look past them, I can’t. Not this time. So even though, we’re perfect for each other, we aren’t supposed to stay together.
But it’s the testament of the care he’s taken with Snow that she said, “He’ll fix it. Whatever he broke, he’ll make it better. I know him. He’sthebest big brother a girl could ask for. He’ll fix your heart too, Juju.”
It made me both smile and tear up. Her absolute conviction in him and the fact that my sweet sister didn’t know—and I hope she never ever finds out—that some things couldn’t be fixed.
Anyway, once I told everyone the truth and shared that I wanted to get away for a bit, Callie and Tempest offered to help me. But I told them no. I didn’t want them to have to lie if he or anyone else asked. So I enlisted the help of the last person he’d ever think of: Isadora.
We’d only met or rather officially met that night and I had no right to go to her. But I was desperate. I told her the same story and asked if she could help me get away for a while. She was kind enough to say yes even though she looked extremely disappointed that I was breaking up with him. Well, not breaking up because there wasn’t anything to break up from. No relationship whatsoever. And even if there was, he was the one to leave first.
In any case, here I am. In New York City.
I’ve been here three days, and I already want to stay here forever and leave right now. As amazing as this city is where youreally get to disappear, which I desperately need right now, this isn’t home. This isn’t where I feel safe and secure. All of that is back in Bardstown where my family is. My sister, the Thornes.Him.
But turns out, I can’t go back home. Not yet and not because of him. Or rather, notonlybecause of him. It’s also because somehow, I’m theporn starof Bardstown.
