“Christ, Carridan.” Felix rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m protecting her.”
“You’re lying to her. Again.” Felix’s voice carried disgust. “How do you think she’ll react when she discovers that you’ve been hunting for another woman through London’s underbelly? How do you think she’ll react when she learns that you are still planning romantic rendezvouses with Evie’s mother especially after whatever happened between you at the ball.”
The reminder of the kiss at Morrison’s ball sent heat through Owen’s veins. Iris had been so warm and willing in his arms. Her soft cries of pleasure and the way she’d looked at him afterward had been a gift. It was like she’d given him something precious.
“I’m not involved with Evie’s mother. I never touched her. And nothing happened at the ball.”
“The hell it didn’t.” Felix’s laugh held no humor.
“It was a moment of weakness. Nothing more.”
“Was it?”
“What I want is to protect them—all of them. Iris, Evie, and Evie’s mother.” Owen turned toward the mouth of the alley. “It’s my responsibility. Anything else is irrelevant.”
“You have a woman who loves you despite having every reason not to. And you’re throwing it away because you’re too much of a coward to risk being happy.”
The accusation hit home with painful accuracy.
Owen was a coward. He was terrified of becoming his father and letting passion destroy everything he’d built. He was scared to death of trusting Iris with his heart, only to watch her turn it into a weapon.
“If you’re so concerned about my marriage, help me end this threat to Evie’s safety.”
“How?”
Owen hesitated, then made his decision. “Ask around about a French woman named Adele. Discreetly. If you learn anything, bring the information to me.”
“And then?”
“Then we ensure Evie remains safe. Whatever it takes.”
Felix studied him for a long moment. “Is there anything else you’re not telling me?”
“I’m telling you enough.”
“Fine.” Felix straightened his coat with sharp movements. “But Carridan? When this is over, when Evie is safe and Adele is found, you’re going to have to decide what you want. Because I won’t watch you continue hurting my cousin. There is only so much pain I will allow you to inflect on Iris.”
He melted back into the shadows, leaving Owen alone with his guilt and the bitter taste of necessary choices.
Felix was right about one thing. Owen was running. He had been running since the moment he’d felt something more than duty when he looked at his wife.
But some things were worth running from. His parents had loved each other once, with a passion that had consumed everything in its path. Owen had spent his childhood watching that love turn toxic. He saw how desire could become possession, and how that need could become destructive.
Better to keep Iris at arm’s length than risk becoming the kind of man who destroyed what I’m planning to protect.
The memory of her face in the carriage rose unbidden. He’d seen how his words wounded her, but he couldn’t take them back.
She deserved better than a husband who saw threats in every shadow and couldn’t trust himself with her heart. She deserved someone who could love her without reservations and without the constant fear that passion would curdle into poison.
Owen walked through London’s dark streets, carrying the weight of his choices and the knowledge that protecting Iris meant breaking both their hearts. But heartbreak was survivable.
Destroying her the way his father had destroyed his mother was not.
CHAPTER 21
“Your Grace, I do hope you’ll forgive my curiosity, but I feel I must ask about the circumstances of the little one’s birth. One hears rumors, and of course, I would be discreet…”
