“Because it’s not his place to tell. If I wanted you to know it, I would have told you,” Tristian says as a shiver runs down my spine. I didn’t even hear the truck pull up, but I knew he was there. I always seem to know.
I spin to look at him, hurt displayed across my face. “Why? Why wouldn’t you tell me that? Why would you just disappear on me instead?” I swallow past the lump in my throat. My chin quivers, and I lock my jaw to keep it still and wipe away the tears forming. He doesn’t get the satisfaction of my tears anymore. I spent too many nights crying over him.
“Because I did what I thought was going to be best for both of us. Because I didn’t want you to get hurt or stop your life for me. I saw how much you had fallen for me, and I didn’t want to stand in the way of your life and dreams.” He takes a step closer, and I take one back.
“No! You don’t get to decide that. I tried formonthsto get you to respond to me. I cried formonthsover you,” I yell. “Hell, my parents thought someone had died with the way I was letting on. They sent me to a fucking counselor, hoping it would help.” I cross my arms defensively over my chest and hug my body. I glance around and see people staring at us. I lower my voice. “Do you have any idea how crazy I felt for pining for you for so long?”
“I know, and it killed me. I knoweverything.” His voice is deep and quiet, and it makes me want to punch him and kiss him all at the same time. “I saw every fucking message you ever sent me over the years. I know how much I hurt you, and it killed me.”
My face is red, my blood boiling. I’m drowning in the amount of anger I have pent up inside. I can’t hold it back anymore and explode on him. “It killedyou? You took my fucking virginity and tossed me out like old trash. You left me a fucking note. Didn’t even have the balls to tell me to fuck off in person,” I scream. Now, everyone is really staring at us. Kasey covers Maddie’s ears, and a few people walk as far away from us as they can.Great, now I’m making a scene.This is the last thing I wanted.
He scoffs and shakes his head and sneers at me. I see a mixture of hurt and anger circling in the blue depths of his eyes. “No. You’re not blaming me for that. I tried to talk you out of it, wanted you to save it for someone special.”
I toss my hands up and poke the tip of my tongue against my top teeth. I can’t believe the nerve of this guy. He has no fucking clue. “Youweresomeone special! You’re just too thick-headed to realize it. One too many footballs to the head.” I knock my index finger against the side of my head, driving home my point. “I did like you, Tristan. You were sweet and caring, and you knew what you wanted.” I step into his space, my chest practically touching his as I tilt my face back to stare into his eyes. “I always knew I had to go back home, but I wanted to share a special memory with you. Instead, you made me regret the day I ever laid eyes on you.”
His nostrils flare, and his pupils are huge, the blue almost completely covered by black. I’ve never seen him so angry in my life. He grips my upper arms with such force his fingers bite into my skin. I have enough time to blink once before his lips are pressed hard against mine.Oh my God. His kisses are even better than I remember.
I don’t want this to end. I grip his shirt in my hand, pulling him closer to me. I feel his hard muscles flex as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. Parting my lips, he takes everything I offer. My body is on fire as I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He’s like a cool drink of water, and I’m in the desert.
He pulls back, and I gasp. My eyes widen as I stumble away from him, and my fingers fly up to my kiss-swollen lips. That wasnotsupposed to happen. I’m not supposed to let him get close to me. I have a job to do. That’s it. Then I can return home and forget this place for good. I shake my head, trying to get my brain to work again, and run in the direction of the woods. I need some distance. I can’t think straight when I’m close to him.
“Lana, wait,” he calls after me.
I can’t. My feet have a mind of their own. I can’t get pulled into him again. I won’t survive the heartache a second time. I’m only in town for two more days—just enough time to finalize the designs for the cabins. I stop mid-run and hear his footfalls slow behind me. I take a deep breath, trying to slow my heart. “Who was it?” I whisper. I can’t bring myself to turn to face him, but I know he heard me.
He gives a heavy sigh. “Russ.”
Now, there’s a surprise. I whip around and narrow my eyes at him. “You’re lying.” I scoff and shake my head. “I know you never liked the guy, but Jesus, using him as a scapegoat? Real mature, Tristan.”
He holds his hands out, palms up. “I’m not lying, Lana. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He closes his eyes and squeezes the bridge of his nose before looking at me again. His blue eyes have softened, and it’s hard for me to want to stay mad at him. “I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to think exactly what you’re thinking now. I knew, if I told you that, you would think I was lying because I don’t like the guy. Can we please head back to the ranch, and we can sit and talk about this?”
“You saw every one of my messages to you?” I keep my voice low, trying to keep the tremble out of it. The mention of Russ is momentarily forgotten.
“Yes,” he says and nods.
“Yet, you still let me suffer alone.” He winces as my words sink it. “You led me to believe I wasn’t good enough for you. That I wasn’tprettyenough.” I raise my voice, my anger returning. My body shakes with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. “You could have told me instead of taking the chump’s way out.”
All the nights I spent crying over him. All the days I spent trying to get him to talk to me. If he had told me this, I would have understood. We could have moved past it. “What threat did he make?”
He steps up to me, and I hold my ground. I will not run from this man again. He’s not worth the energy.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you were becoming friends with him. I sat outside your room for most of the night after you ran from me at the dance. He told me to leave you alone, and when I refused, he used the only leverage he had against me—our relationship. I was naive and stupid to think he could do anything with his threats, but I didn’t want to risk it.
“I was going to tell you I would wait for you, that we could do the long-distance thing, but he threatened to expose us. I didn’t want to put you in that position. Things seemed rocky with you and your dad anyway. I don’t know. I was stupid, insecure. I thought it was best to let you go.” He reaches for my hands, and I pull them from his grasp. He sighs heavily and nods. “It killed me to let you go, Lana. The way I felt with you is different than I’ve ever felt with anyone.”
“How?” He pulls his eyebrows together at my question. “How was I different?” He’s not getting off that easy. I’m not ready to forgive him yet.
“It was like you and I were the only two people in the world. My heart would skip a beat when I saw you. For months after you left, the thought of your lips anywhere close to me was enough to make me hard and need to jack off. Right after you left, I almost bought a flight to Connecticut to find you.”
Now, that tidbit has caught my interest. How different would it have been if he’d come to find me? Would we have made up? Would Mom and Dad have let me see him, or would they have sent him away?Mom would have helped me.It wouldn’t have been hard to find me. Dad would have had to give his address when he booked.
I stare at him, not sure I understand him. I wait patiently for him to continue, and when he doesn’t, I say, “So, what happened?”
“Call me chicken shit if you want, but I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after everything that happened.”
“How long have you known I’ve been talking to Holden?” I’m trying to hold on to the anger I have for him, but it’s fading fast.
“I found out today.”
