“Are you fucking kidding me?” she screams into the phone. I have to pull it away from my ear so she doesn’t make me go deaf. “Lana, you’re kidding, right?”
“Beth, what am I going to do?” The tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I sniffle, trying to rein everything in.
“Is it Tristan’s?” I scoff. Did she seriously ask me that? “I just wanted to double-check,” she says when I don’t respond right away.
“Yes. I haven’t slept with anyone else. I take my birth control, though. How is this possible?”
“It happens. I’ve heard other stories of it, too. It’s going to be fine. Does he know yet?”
I shake my head but then remember she can’t see me. “No. I just took it. He’s still at the ranch.”
God, this explains so much now—the bloat, how tired I’ve been, how hungry I’ve been. It all lines up. How am I going to explain this to him? He’s not ready to have a family. Or is it me who’s not ready? I’m twenty-eight years old. I wanted to get my life and career nailed down before I settled down and started a family. My plan was to get married at thirty and have kids by thirty-two. Not now!
I finish my phone call with Beth and promise to tell her what happens when I tell Tristan. I wipe the tears from my eyes and start researching everything about pregnancy. I have no idea what I’m doing or how to start this. I do know I’ll need to make an appointment with my doctor to get checked out.
Do I find a doctor out here? My home is in Massachusetts, but Tristan is here. There’s no way he can leave his home and the ranch, but I don’t think I’m ready to uproot my life to move here. I like being an east coast girl. I like my friends, my job, my life. On the other hand, I love Tristan and his family, and I love this ranch. I’ve pictured a cute little boy who looks like Tristan on many occasions, running around the ranch, laughing.
Tristan would be a good father, I know it. I’m just not ready to tell him yet. After England. That will be easier. I can do this. I hide the box of tests under the sink and bury the positive test in the trash.
Chapter 18
Tristan
Construction is going great. My apartment also looks amazing—thanks to Lana’s personal touches— and Mom is doing much better. Everything is looking up, except for the fact that Lana is leaving for England and then Massachusetts today. I don’t want her to go. I’ve gotten used to having her here, so it’s difficult to let her leave.
Having her here for two weeks isn’t enough. I wish I could ask her to move here forever, but we are still trying to figure us out.Would she want to?Could this ranch and the life I could give her be enough? She’s successful in Boston, and I don’t want to ask her to give it all up for me, even though my heart is begging me to.
She rolls her suitcase behind her and into the living room. She looks around at the walls that are now brimming with life, and she smiles.
“Not to toot my own horn, butdamn!” she says and adds a quiet chuckle for good measure.
I pull her into my arms and hold her tight. “Yeah, it looks amazing in here. Thank you.”
She wiggles out of my grasp and nods. “You’re welcome. Now, I’ve got a plane to catch, and I need you to get me to the airport with plenty of time for my flight.”
“I know,” I respond sadly. “I’m not ready to say goodbye. It’s going to be another five months before I see you again. What do you expect me to do with myself?”
She smiles and places her hand on my cheek. I revel in the feel of her touch. “Things have a way of working out.” She kisses me hard on the lips and pulls back. “Come on. I’ve got to go.”
We ride in silence, each of us consumed with our own thoughts. She keeps playing with the hem of her shirt and tucking hair behind her ear. Something is definitely eating at her, and I need to make sure she isn’t having second thoughts about trying to make a long-distance relationship work. We’ve talked about it on and off over the past two weeks, and she seems guarded whenever we discuss it. She says she’s open to it, but there seems to be something she’s not telling me.
“Lana, is everything okay? You’re making me a bit nervous over here,” I ask, trying to keep my tone casual.
She stops wringing her fingers and plasters a smile on her face. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You play with your shirt and your hair when you have something on your mind. You’ve done both this whole ride.”
She waves her hands in front of her as we reach the curb. “Oh, I’m just worried about this project. I’m only gone for two days to see the final touches put into place and confirm she’s happy with what we’re doing for her. That’s not a lot of time to make changes if she’s not happy.”
I narrow my eyes in her direction as I help her with her bag. “You sure that’s it?”
She nods and hums her response before wrapping her arms around me in a big hug and kissing me. “Tristan, you love me, right?” she asks, uncertainty lacing her words.
Where is all this coming from?“You know I do, Lana.”
“Good. I love you, too, Tristan. I’ll text you when I land. It will be early morning for you.”
She waves goodbye and is through the sliding glass doors before I can get another word out.Strangest damn conversation I’ve ever had.Holden calls me, asking to stop by the ranch for the night to help with the guests since it’s movie night, and I’m happy not to spend it alone in my apartment. At least, this way, I will be able to get my mind off Lana.
