“Hey, I think you need to come rescue me. I’m being held hostage by some old woman,” Mackenzie said. I could hear theold womanin the background demanding I attend immediately. The infamous Mary, the PA that had told Mackenzie she was only leaving in a coffin, I guessed.
“No, I’m scared of her. You’re on your own, old chap,” I lied, accentuating my accent.
“Get your arse up here, Alex,” I heard Mary shout.
“Jesus, what does she want?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but can you just do as she says, then we can all get out of here?” Mackenzie replied.
I laughed as I replaced the telephone. I shouted out to my new assistant that I was popping upstairs. She waved her hand in acknowledgement.
“Ah ‘ere he is. Now, come on over ‘ere,” Mary said, as she sat with her pad and pen at the board table.
I took the seat indicated. “You never worked for my family, did you? I’m sure I remember a school ma’am like you,” I said.
“I’d ‘ave tanned your arse, if I had. Now. I want to get my diary up to date. Holidays?” she asked and poised with her pen hovering over her pad.
“Erm, no, nothing booked,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“You?” She pointed her pen at Mackenzie.
“Holidays? No, I don’t think so. I have to fly home every so many weeks, though.”
“Well? Dates?” she demanded.
“Can I email them to you?” he asked.
She sighed. “If you have to. Right, next on my list…chest and waist size?” I looked at Mackenzie who was looking at me. “You spill something down yourself just before a meeting, what you gonna do, huh? You’re gonna send me out to buy a new shirt, aint you?”
I don’t think I’d ever sent anyone out for a clean shirt, but I do remember having a meeting in the House of Lords with spaghetti down my tie. I rattled off my statistics thinking it a wonderful idea of Mary’s.
“I want a bathroom fitted over there, with a wardrobe. I’ll keep some things in it for you both,” she said.
She went on, demanding birthdays, anniversaries, significant others’ details. She raised her eyes when Mackenzie told her he was single, and I was sort of dating someone.
“Well, who?” she asked me in a very accusatory manner.
“Erm, Gabriella,” I stuttered, having never been made to feel soin front of the headmasterbefore.
“Aw, she’s a stunner that one. Bigger balls than you two, I bet. I like her,” she said. “That’s it I think, you can go now.”
For the second time Mackenzie and I just looked at each other. She tapped her pen on the table as if to gain our attention so I stood.
“I’ll come with you,” Mackenzie said.
We walked in silence to the lift and stood watching the numbers on the digital display. When the doors slid open, we bashed shoulders in our haste to get in. We both kept our gaze on the floor until the doors closed, then I slumped and so did Mackenzie.
“What the fuck…?” I said.
“I know, right?”
I laughed and he joined in as I pointed in the direction we’d just left. “Honestly, I had a school ma’am exactly like her, same age probably. Spanked my arse every day of the week with a bloody ruler. Which was rather arousing at the time.”
Mackenzie laughed harder. “Don’t tell me, that’s why you like your club?”
“Probably, although I do the spanking now and I limit the upper age to just ten years older than me.”
That was it, we both convulsed, missed my floor, and ended up in the lobby.
