I heard about your diagnosis. I want to help. Please let me be there for you both, even if just financially. Avery shouldn't have to face this alone. Neither should you.
I've been sober for five years now. I run a support group for former athletes dealing with addiction. I know it doesn't make up for the years I missed, but please, let me try.
James
I see a voice note come in from Ann and I listen to it in a daze.
"…journalistic integrity is rare these days, Avery. That's why I went ahead and put your name for consideration at ESPN. My contact says they have an immediate opening for emerging talent. I'll text you the details."
This is my dream job, my dream everything… or it was, before Jax came into my life. I have to make sure he knows I'm innocent. I start typing a text to him, too shaky to call.
But he beats me to it:Avery. It was you, wasn't it? You saw her outside the restaurant with me that night. Do not ever contact me again.
I crumple to the floor, the letters scattered around me. He'sgot it all wrong. And he won't even let me explain? I stay there for too long, thinking… remembering.
Finally, I pick up the phone and place a call. I know his number. He always finds mine, even when I used to change my number just to keep him away. Not today. Today, he gets his chance. Today, I will listen.
A voice answers.
I draw a shaky breath. "Dad? It's me."
"Avery?" His voice cracks with emotion. "Is it really you?"
"It's me," I confirm, suddenly unsure what to say next. "I found Mom's letters. Your letters. Why didn't you ever tell me what really happened? About the addiction?"
"I tried, sweetheart. So many times. But your mother—she wanted to protect you from that world. From seeing what sports had done to me." He pauses. "And I was ashamed. How do you tell your little girl that you chose pills over her?"
"You didn't choose them," I say softly, surprising myself with the certainty in my voice. "Not really."
"No, but I let them take over. The team doctors kept pushing them—play through the pain, don't let the team down. By the time I realized what was happening, I was taking ten times the prescribed dose just to function. I was stealing money from our savings. I was..." His voice breaks. "I was becoming dangerous to be around. I couldn't let you see me like that."
"But you got help," I say, thinking of the letters. "You got better."
"I did. It took years. And by then, your mother made it clear you were better off without me in your life. Maybe she was right."
I think of Jax, of the lengths he's gone to protect Riley from the toxic side of sports fame. Different circumstances, but the same core instinct—to shield someone you love from pain, even at great personal cost.
"I'm not ready to forgive everything," I tell him honestly. "But I think I'm ready to listen."
"That's more than I deserve," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "I'd like to tell you about the work I'm doing now. With athletes. Trying to stop others from going down the same path."
And in the next five minutes, nothing really changes even though everything does. It's not a fix-all phone call. But it's a step. And now I see Dad a little differently. He was scared, too. Scared of failing, of not showing up enough. Of not being strong enough for Mom and me.
I hold the phone to my chest after the call. I feel… good. Not quite closure. But less jaded. I so desperately want to love my father. And I want to not be like him, too. And after tonight, I think I realize that I can do both.
We've agreed to meet for coffee next week. He wants to show me the community center where he works with young athletes, helping them navigate the pressures and pitfalls of sports culture. Small steps. A chance to rebuild something I thought was permanently broken.
But there's someone else I need to reach out to—someone whose trust I need to earn back. I pick up my phone again, staring at Jax's name. How do I make him understand that I would never betray him? That I kept his secret even when it could have advanced my career? That I'm not the person he thinks I am?
I take a deep breath and start typing, hoping it's not too late to fix what I broke.
Jax, it wasn't me. I would never betray your trust like that. I knew about Riley and chose to keep your secret, even when Ann asked me to write the story today. I walked out instead. I understand if you don't believe me, but I needed you to know the truth.
I hit send, then add one more message:
And about the other night—I was scared. Scared of trustingsomeone who might leave. But I'm learning that sometimes the risk is worth taking.
CHAPTER 20
