Chapter Eleven
Lily had no idea why she was sharing this information with Christian. Maybe it was the flood of endorphins after a proper workout, or maybe it was the comfortable feeling of lying next to someone who knew what it was to carry the scars of his past for everyone to see. Whatever the reason, she didn’t take the time to analyze, the words just spilled out, tripping over her tongue to fill the air. Words that choked her up, and made her want to gag.
She told him everything, Christian’s low growls of anger on her behalf only spurring her on. When she was finished, she didn’t feel better. “I’m still so angry.” Lily gritted out through clenched teeth. The weight hadn’t magically lifted off of her shoulders like she had hoped, and worse – now she felt a new weight that had her fingers digging into the grass beside her and tearing up the blades as she anxiously waited for Christian’s response.
“Of course you’re angry.” Christian growled. “You have a right to be angry. He made you a victim.”
Lily stiffened. Her skin prickling with indignation as she jerked up into a sitting position and glared at the bear. “Is that how you see me? As a victim?”
She could see it in his face, he was preparing to back-peddle. She should have just gotten to her feet and stormed away, but something held her – she needed to hear what he truly thought of her. Maybe a healthy dose of truth would finally kill those stupid gooey feelings in her innards and she could get over whatever madness kept drawing her back to the bear.
Christian sat up as well, though slower and much more carefully as he winced. “You’re a survivor.” He said, pinning her with the sincerity of his gaze. “I just sparred with you, and trust me, the aches and pains I’m feeling right now leave me in no doubt of just how tough you are. You amaze me.”
Lily let out a little ‘humph’, wanting to hold onto her anger, but secretly pleased at his words; those silly, swirly, giddy sensations in her stomach kicking into high gear. Damn bear… She couldn’t even properly stay angry with him.
“Your mate was weak. A weak male not worthy of the name, who needed to abuse a female to make himself feel better about himself.”
Feeling a prickle behind her eyes, Lily blinked hard, her heart feeling as if it was cracking in two. She needed to change the subject fast before she ended up humiliating herself by bawling in front of Christian Black yet again.
Focusing on the repairs Christian had made on his cabin, a memory surged to the forefront of her brain and she latched onto it. “Your brother, Sebastian was the first person Daisy and I met when we came to Malsum Pass.”
“Oh?”
Lily gave a small chuckle and shook her head as she laid back onto the grass. “Thoughmetmight be the wrong word since none of us actually introduced ourselves. We were bare assed naked after running in fur and his was the first cabin that had any signs of occupancy. We were planning on stealing something to wear before heading into town so that we could beg sanctuary – not that we told the town that we were planning on lifting something from one of theirs.” Another laugh, this one a bit brighter. “He scared the crap out of us when he came out bellowing, all shaggy beard and matted hair. Daisy and I both thought that was the end for us.”
Christian laid back in the grass as well with a hearty chuckle. “Others in town have told me about ‘Black Bastard’, but I just can’t picture it. That’s just not my little brother.”
“He was definitely scary.”
Christian sighed. “He changed so much, but that’s my fault.”
Curious at his abrupt change in mood, Lily turned on her side, propping herself up on an elbow. “How so?”
He shot her a bleak look filled with so much guilt and remorse that it made Lily’s heart twist before his eyes slid away from her. “I was young and stupid and convinced that the world and everything in it was mine for the taking. My parents were pretty well off and I admit I was spoiled…” Christian had to clear his throat before he could continue. “One of the things I took was Seb’s fiancé.”
Lily just stared, unsure what to even say to that and Christian’s lips twisted in disgust as he looked her in the eye. “I know, I’m scum. You can say it.”
When she remained silent, he took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “It was all some stupid sibling rivalry, not to mention my absolute lack of integrity.” Sitting up, he shook his head. “That’s no excuse. I have no excuse. I hurt my brother – drove him off. Ten years lost over my stupidity. I’m just glad Seb was a big enough male to forgive me in the end, though Lord knows I don’t deserve it.”
Lily was thoughtful for a moment, plucking at the grass in front of her. “Daisy and I never had that rivalry thing – not really. I mean, I was the older sister, so I kind of felt like it was my job to protect her.”
Seeing Christian wince, Lily sat up fully and held out a hand out to touch his arm. “I’m not saying that to make you feel worse, really.”
Christian nodded and Lily continued with her story. “My parents weren’t exactly demonstrative in their affections. Hell, the whole pride was one miserably dysfunctional family. I thought that was just the way things were, so it never really bothered me,” Lily shrugged and then frowned. “But Daisy was different. She practically came out of the womb knowing something wasn’t right. She needed attention, affection, she needed love, and when our parents didn’t deliver, she looked to me. My sister was the one who really showed me what family should be.”
Christian turned sympathetic eyes her way. “You miss her.”
“I do.” She said, her eyes trailing off to a distant point though she didn’t see anything. The warmth of a large hand taking hers startled her and she jerked her gaze back to Christian, but left her hand where it was, comforted by the heat and the rough skin enough to smile. “I’m so proud of her. Daisy has come so far, grown so much…”
Christian nodded, but his eyes searched hers. “Helping females that had been captured by the fur traders from what I’ve heard.”
“She’s really found her calling.” Lily confirmed proudly and then without her realizing it, her voice turned wistful, “With a mate that adores her by her side.”
Christian squeezed her hand but Lily was appalled at what she’d let slip. What opinion had she inadvertently given this bear with her careless words? Her brain scrambled with thoughts of how to fix what could only be seen as a future train wreck, but Christian surprised her. Instead of asking her if she was looking for a mate to adore her, or some other overly personal question, he stood and pulled her to her feet. “I’m hungry. Are you? I make a mean grilled cheese.”
Lily laughed, whether it was in relief or at the cajoling tone of his voice, she couldn’t be sure, but she would take him up on his offer.
As it turned out, Christian did make a mean grilled cheese, and it was as she was watching him put away his third, that her mind began to drift. What would it be like to make love with someone like Christian Black? She’d always been attracted to lean males, but there was just something about those wide shoulders of Christian’s, those strong arms… the man could do some serious damage to her if he really wanted to, and after what she’d been through, she would have thought her ideal male – should she ever decide to engage sexually with one – would be someone she could dominate, control, and beat the crap out of if he ever crossed a line. But as it turned out, currently her fantasy was extra-large sized, and the mere thought of Christian picking her up and pinning her against the wall as he devoured her mouth had her clenching her thighs against the throbbing pulse point that had taken up a rhythm between her legs.
The sound of a low growl snapped Lily’s attention back to Christian, cleared the haze of her vision, and left her pinned under the heat of his stare. Good Lord, those eyes were hot enough to melt…
“I’m trying to be good here, Lily, but if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to take you up on the invitation in your eyes.”
Stupid fantasies – and stupid bear noses. He could probably smell her arousal, and that knowledge had her entire body red hot and prickling with embarrassment.
Christian stood suddenly, and Lily startled a bit, suddenly skittish, but the bear didn’t make a move toward her. Handily for her, and for the extra blood that had yet to leave her face, he changed the subject. “Want to watch a movie?”
Relieved, Lily nodded her head in ready agreement. She knew she should probably err on the side of caution, play it safe by leaving, but she wasn’t quite ready to give up his company. Stupid gooey feelings. Obviously she was a glutton for punishment and had never truly learned the age-old lesson that curiosity killed the cat.
