I tried to catch up to her, and I yelled out to her, “Ellie!Stop!”She looked over her shoulder, I know she saw me, her face was red from crying, and she turned her back and got in the taxi, slamming the door.
I fell to my knees, shaking with anger and frustration, my head clouded with pain, as the taxi drove away from me, leaving with my heart in the back seat.
I don’t know where she’s going.
I don’t know how to find out.
I don’t know what to do without her.
She’s gone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
ELLIE
18 years earlier
I got on an earlier flight, and I made it home, taking a taxi back to my house because Dad wasn’t expecting me this early.I borrowed the rearview mirror from the driver to check my face; it was hopeless, I had cried so many tears on the plane that I think my eyes are permanently red and puffy.
I paid the driver and thanked her, then took my house key out of my purse and walked in through the front door.Dad jumped up from his desk chair, surprised to see me, I knew he saw my face and I knew he had questions, so I walked over and hugged him, squeezing tight.
“Hi Daddy, I’m home early, I know.I have so much to tell you but I’m just exhausted and want to take a shower right now, is that okay?”
“Of course, it’s okay.Tell me all about it when you’re rested.”He held me at arm’s length, looking me over and taking in my disheveled hair and wrinkled clothes.I saw the concern on his face and knew he saw how swollen my eyes were, but I ducked my head before nodding and walked upstairs.
“Ellie, where is your suitcase?”he called after me.
“It’s still at Steff’s.”I say.“Maybe she can ship it, or she can keep it, I don’t really care.”
I stripped off the clothes that I wore the last time I saw Lee, the same clothes that I wore with …him.I tossed them in the bathroom trash can.I don’t want to remember those things the next time I pull them out of my closet.I would have burned them, but Dad would have smelled the fire for sure.
I took the longest shower I’ve ever taken, letting the scalding water turn cold before I turned the faucet off and stepped out.I stood on the bathmat, water dripping off my hair and down to the floor.It reminded me of Lee.How am I going to get through this if I can’t even shower without thinking of him?
In my comfy jammies, I laid on my bed, thankful that I put fresh sheets on it before leaving for my trip.I curled up into a ball and cried for the millionth time, not even sure how I had any tears left to cry.
I don’t know how long I slept when my eyes fluttered open at the sound of Dad knocking on my door.“Dinner’s ready, Ellie.”He said from the hallway.
“I’m not really hungry.”I answered, not moving from my bed.
“Okay, I’ll put your plate in the fridge in case you want a midnight snack later.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
* * *
Later that night, I crept downstairs, not wanting to wake anyone in the house, I don’t even know what time it is, but my stomach is growling something insane, and I need some food.At the bottom of the stairs, I heard a voice talking low.It was Dad, he was on the phone with someone.I stood there, back to the wall, hiding in the corner of the staircase and listened as he talked to Steff.I could only hear his side of the conversation, but I got the gist of it well enough.Steff was telling him that something happened at the goodbye party, and I’m sure she mentioned that I ran off, somehow making it to the airport, but she and Lee didn’t get there in time to see me off because I got an early flight.She must have told him that the whole summer was great up until last night because he wasn’t angry after he asked if it was like that all summer.He nodded a few times and then said he would talk to me when I woke up in the morning and figure out what to do.I abandoned my need for food and ran back up the stairs, wanting to avoid that talk with Dad because if he saw me just now, he would want to talk about it.I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
Back in my room, I had fallen asleep again and woke up with my blankets thrown on the floor.I was sweating again, and Maggie’s words replayed in my head …you’re going to be a dad.My alarm clock on the nightstand glowed, reading 6:22am.I felt sick.Can four shots of liquor make you feel so sick twenty four hours later?I ran to the bathroom and, luckily, made it to the toilet in time before I vomited.Ugh, bile, my familiar friend.I brushed my teeth and went downstairs in search of something to eat.
Dad was already up, sitting on the couch with his coffee and paper when he saw me make my way to the kitchen.“Morning sunshine.”He said.Dad was always a morning person; it never bothered me until right now.
“Morning, Dad.Do we have any milk?”I asked, opening the fridge.I answered my own question when I pulled it out and waved the jug at him in the pass-through from the kitchen to the living room.I grabbed myself a spoon and poured a bowl of cereal, taking it into the living room and sitting down next to him on the couch.
I took a bite, and the milk immediately made me nauseous; I decided I wasn’t hungry after all, and I set the bowl down on the coffee table.Dad looked from the cereal to me and said, “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”
That was all I needed to break down and lay my head on his shoulder, crying.“Oh Dad, it was horrible.No, it was amazing, magical, the best summer ever, until the last night.”Through sobs and almost a whole box of tissues, I told him everything about my shattered summer romance, well just about everything, minus the sex details that no dad ever wanted to hear about his little girl.
He listened to it all, not saying a word until I told him that was it.“I think you need to talk to him, sweetheart.You need to hear him out, maybe you got things mixed up.”
