“Wow.Does Lee know all of that?”She looked over at me while she turned a corner and took the exit off the highway that led to her small apartment complex.At the mention of Lee’s name, my hands started to sweat; we’re right up the road now.
“No, I didn’t tell him anymore about Justin than absolutely necessary, but he knows that Justin knows I’m here to see him.”Steff’s mouth dropped open.“And you, and you – mostly you … but him too!”I laughed as she faked being hurt by my words.
“It’s ok, Ell, I know you’ll be spending a lot of time with him.That was part of my point in getting you out here – you’re both my favorite people and I want to see you guys happy.”She paused, focusing on the busy intersection we arrived at before going on, “And now, I’m going to give you my grown-up talk that I had with him last week.”She looked at me, eyes squinting, “Under no circumstances, will this turn into a quickie summer fling that will leave either of you heart broken, DON’T HURT HIM!Okay?”She stared at me with anI know youglare.
“Okay!I hear you.No summer fling – but I can still kiss him, right?Cause I’ve been dying to kiss him!”I teased.
“Ugh, yes, you can kiss him.I don’t want to know what else you do with him either.Just no hurting.”
“Got it!”
“Okay, are you ready?We’re here.”She said as we pulled into a parking spot in a palm tree lined lot and the car’s engine sputtered off.
Oh my god, I don’t know.Am I ready?I’ve been dreaming of this moment for the past year and the fact that I’m here, in the same airspace as Lee has my heart racing again.
I held my hands up in front of her so she could see they were trembling.She brought them down and gently patted my hands, “Deep breath.”I inhaled slowly and blew it out.“Good.There he is.”She nodded out the window and my eyes darted over in the direction of her nod.“I’ll be inside – it’s this apartment right in front of the car; number 104.”She left me in the car to get out when I was ready.
I took another deep breath and then opened the door and stepped out, smiling as my eyes met his and I ran over to him, not caring about anything in the world but falling into his arms.
* * *
We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting with friends and swimming in the apartment complex pool until Steff went inside.That’s when Lee and I had a moment in the hot tub.He pulled me over and I sat on his lap, the bubbles and steam making me hot in more ways than one.And he told me that we should go inside or else he was going to take me right there, but he didn’t want our first time to be in a hot tub or in front of other people.
It was both the sexiest and the sweetest thing I had ever heard, and I wanted more of it.I know he wanted our first time together to be perfect; he told me that more than once.He’s a planner when it comes to moments, just like he wanted to wait for the perfect moment for our first kiss.Only that took us three years; I can’t possibly wait that long.I’ve imagined and re-imagined the way it would feel, the way he would taste, how his fingertips grazing my skin would be and just the thought of it makes it hard for me to breathe.
We went back to Steff’s patio and sat at the table to talk; he started a game of thirty questions, and this was my opening to ask him, looking at his face, what his real feelings are for me.Because anyone would want to have sex with a girl sitting on his lap, they can write all the beautiful words on a piece of paper and say them over the phone, but if his face tells me the words are true, then I’ll know where we stand.
“Did you mean what you said in your last letter to me?”I asked.
He ran his hand through his hair, and I wanted to run my own hand through it.I could hear him inhaling slowly and my eyes followed when he opened his mouth, “I meant it, Ellie.I love you.”
That was it, my adrenaline kicked in and I let it take full control of my actions.I jumped into his lap, my legs straddled him in his chair, and I kissed him in the way I had been dreaming of kissing him all these years.I felt his tongue lick the inside of my mouth and the next thing I knew, we were in the apartment, pulling each other’s wet bathing suits off as fast as we could.He slowly dropped to his knees on the floor and laid my head gently on the pillows, letting his fingers trail down the side of my face, down my neck and along the side of my breast.I got chills and I thoughtthis is how my first time should have played out.We were both completely naked under the covers, the weight of him crushing into me in the best way possible.My fingers snaked in his hair while he planted kisses up and down my stomach, tracing a circle around my belly button and bringing his fingers down between my legs, teasing and taunting.Then he stopped abruptly, popping his head back up to face me, causing my eyes to focus in on his.
“Are you still a virgin, Ellie?”
“No.”I whispered, out of breath.“But it only happened once, and I regretted not letting you have that part of me.”I continued to run my hands through his hair, aching for him to keep touching me, “Does that change any of this?”
He breathed out that little laugh that always made me weak over the phone, and I could see his smile with it this time.“No.It doesn’t change anything at all.”He buried his face in my hair and nibbled at my ear lobe.“But if you want me to stop, please tell me.Cause I don’t think I can control myself for much longer.”
“I don’t want you stop, Lee.”
He leaned his forehead against mine and I could hear the tremble in his breath as he took my hand in his and brought it to his chest, our fingers laced together.I could feel the slamming of his heart against my hand, and I kissed him softly on the tip of his nose.He was inside me just then and a gasp escaped my mouth but was quieted by his lips.My free hand moved to his back, trailing up and down from his shoulder blades to the base of his spine while he took his time with me, pulling out slowly.And with immense control, he rocked into me with just enough force to shatter me to pieces until he had reached his peak.I dug my nails into his skin with each thrust that I felt deeper and deeper until there was no space left between us.My teeth sank into his shoulder when I felt him tense and then a groan rumbled in his throat and his body gave way.
“I love you, Ellie.”He panted, kissing me again before he collapsed and rested his head against my chest, his thumb caressing my collarbone in slow peaceful strokes.I smiled up at the ceiling and took in a deep breath, exhaling as I brought my eyes down to meet his.I reached for his hand and for the first time, today, I noticed he was wearing a ring.It was a plain silver band that he wore on his pinky finger.I traced it, letting my finger graze over it several times when he finally spoke again.
“It was my grandma’s.I wear it to remember her.”I don’t say a word, I just nod, because I know how much she meant to him.He slid the ring off his finger, and in one fluid motion, placed it on mine.The moment made my heart swell with a blend of adoration and bliss, as if every beat spoke promises he didn’t have to say out loud.His hand closed around mine and we slept like that, in each other’s arms until I woke up as he was leaving to take Steff to work the next morning.
* * *
On our first full day together this summer, he drove me to Santa Cruz.We sat out on our beach towels, feet in the sand, music on the boom box and watched the waves crash on the shore.He held my hand, swinging it back and forth, and told me that one day, he wanted to get married barefoot on the beach.
“At sunset, with my forever girl right next to me.”He said, eyes locked on mine.
“That sounds like a dream.”I told him, not dropping my eyes from his.
“I want it to be our dream.”He added with a gentle squeeze and then he hopped up and pulled me with him, running into the water and spinning us around.
Chapter Nineteen
