At first, I was a little shocked that he reacted this way, but then I thought maybe I was underreacting.If that’s a thing, I was definitely doing it, because the whole situation didn’t affect me, and I went into class like normal.I mean, we had only been dating for like five weeks, so I shrugged it off and focused on the assignment written on the board.
Lucas didn’t meet me after the bell rang and I didn’t see him before I got on the bus after school.I sat quietly in the back of the bus and ran through every second of our interactions on my way home wondering if he overreacted or if I was being a stupid little girl.
That night, he called me and said we should break up.He didn’t think I wanted to be his girlfriend because I didn’t want to kiss him.Ouch.That stung, but I realized I didn’t feel the hurt deep in my stomach like I thought I would.It was … okay.I was over him already.When I hung up and thought about the past five weeks, some of the weird stuff we talked about, it made me more at ease over the breakup.I told him that was fine and I’m sorry and left it at that.I’m glad that stupid safety pin only left lightly tinged red streaks on my ankle, and I went to bed, not giving it much more thought than that.Until the next day, when Gwen wrote me a note in science class again.
“Lucas thinks you’re a prude.”
Great.
Fabulous.
I’m a prude.
Good riddance Lucas.I went back to Spanish class that week and I’m angry that I’m there and that I’m terrible at learning this language and that someone thinks I’m a prude when really, I just didn’t feel comfortable enough with him to swap spit outside my classroom.Dammit, now I have a headache.And I couldn’t even linger in the hallway because my counselor walked me to class to make sure I went.
So, I suck it up, walk in and scan the room just as the tardy bell rings.There’s a new student in class; he must have just got here when I was skipping because I don’t recognize him.The table tent on his desk says his name is Wes and he had been sitting next to my empty seat.Since he didn’t have a partner, we were assigned as speaking buddies and he has helped me pass the last two tests.Chatting with him became the upside to having to return to a class I was dreading being in and Wes quickly became one of my new best friends.
* * *
Valentine’s day came and went, and while everyone at school was getting roses delivered to them in class, I thought about Lee and whether he was handing his girlfriend a bouquet of roses today.I considered writing another letter but decided against it.If he wanted to talk to me again, he would call me but he’s probably too busy with his girlfriend to even think about me.
Jealousy doesn’t sit well with me.
Bitterness seeps in.
But I was surprised at the end of the day with a single rose sitting on my desk when I walked into my last class.The card clipped to the stem just said “To Ellie:So I could see you smile” there was no name or any other indication of who it was from and I smiled, closing the card and placing it back on my desk.Thank you, whoever you are, you made my day.
* * *
In the middle of March, the snow was finally melting away, and I came home from school and checked the mail, as usual.I walked into the house, slipped off my shoes, and threw the pile of letters on the counter before grabbing a coke from the fridge.On my way out of the kitchen, I picked up a few envelopes that had fallen off the counter when I threw them, and in that stack, was a letter addressed to me.The return address had Lee’s name on it, and I ripped the envelope open as quickly as I could.
Dear Ellie Belly,
I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in so long.It’s hard to explain but I hope you’re not too mad at me.I’ll tell you about it if want to know.
I thought you would call me on my birthday but when I checked with Mom, she told me that you hadn’t called in a while.I figured you went and got a boyfriend and forgot about me or something.
I wish I could hear your voice.I really miss hearing you talk.I wanted to call you but I wasn’t sure if you would answer the phone if you saw my number on the caller ID.Can you tell me that you’re not still making yourself throw up?Please don’t do it anymore … you’re too pretty for that and it scares me.
We took spring pictures at school and got them back yesterday.Here’s my picture in case you want a new one of me.Will you send me yours?
I heard our song on the radio a few minutes ago and it made me think of you so I wanted to write you this letter.Sometimes when I think about you I write down words so I don’t forget what I want to say next time we talk.I’ve been saving the list of words and since we haven’t talked in a while I’m going to list them here for you:
Beautiful, breathtaking, soft, perfect, comfy, smile, quiet, watermelon Don’t forget to write me back okay.
Love Always,
Lee
I breathe in heavily and hold my breath.He didn’t mention the girlfriend I heard about on the phone.So many questions ran through my head after I read that.Did he have a girlfriend?Did he break up with her?What was hard to explain?What’s with the list of words – watermelon?Well, I did get a boyfriend, Lee, and you forgot about me until you probably broke up with your girlfriend out there.I guess I’m just a back-burner girl.I’m not writing you back.
I pulled his picture out of the envelope and looked at his face, then I turned it over to see the back.He wrote “Love Always, Lee”.Dammit, his eyes still sparkle.
I should be mad.
I AM mad.
But I think I still really like him.
