She didn’t realize how crazy she sounded until he frowned at her as if she had two heads. Lavender avoided his eyes by watching the bowl of white soup being placed in front of her, along with all the cutlery and a glass of wine.
“You’re right,” he said after the footmen had retreated. “I am uncomfortable. I do not like being served my meals.”
“Is this not what you are used to?”
“I prefer it being brought to my chambers or my study if I am unable to retrieve it myself. And I would do the latter more often if it were not for the kitchen help causing such a fuss every time I pay them a visit.”
“Then why didn’t you do the same this evening?” she asked, a beat before the answer to her question dawned on her. Lavender smiled. “If all this effort is for me, my lord, you needn’t bother. I would have been quite fine with dining alone. I am used to it since Vincent is oftentimes away from home during dinnertime.”
“It was not for you,” he denied though there was something about the way he said it that made her doubt how truthfully he spoke. “I only thought that it would help if I got used to it from now, since I know you will be dragging me from dinner party to dinner party in the future.”
“My goodness, Austin, I knew you would become more willing if I applied a bit more pressure on you. Yes, I do agree. This will certainly help you grow accustomed to such settings.”
“God help me.”
Lavender tilted her head to the side, regarding him with a soft smile. “Tell me about your childhood, Austin.”
The sudden question seemed to startle him, though he covered it up quickly. “There is nothing to tell. It was like any other.”
“I doubt that. You are the known bastard of England, pardon my bluntness. Surely that must have affected your upbringing in some manner.”
Now he seemed to be paying keen attention to his soup, eating with the barest amount of grace as if he could not get through it quickly enough.
“As I’ve said, there is nothing to talk about. I’m sure yours is far more interesting than mine.”
“Doubtful. To be quite honest with you, I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. Or perhaps I should say copper since it seems silver is only reserved for the upper class.” Lavender paused, swallowing the note of bitterness that slipped out. Though she doubted Austin had missed it. “I wanted for nothing. I went to the best ladies' seminary in London and my studies consisted of everything that was to be expected of a daughter of a lord. Except my father was not a lord. He was a merchant. And it did not matter what we did, we were always treated as such.”
“There is nothing wrong with being a merchant.”
“Oh, I am well aware. And his success opened doors that others with titles could never open. But…” Lavender trailed off. Rage and bitterness turned her stomach, making her wish she didn’t have to continue eating. It took every bit of her strength to suppress those familiar feelings, not needing Austin to see any of it.
He wouldn’t understand. Even Vincent didn’t understand, even though he went along with it to appease her. And she didn’t expect them to. They weren’t there when she saw her father return home late at night, heavily inebriated and furious. They hadn’t secretly followed him to his study and watched as he drunk himself into a stupor. They didn’t see shades of who he had once been fade away until he was nothing but a shell of his former self. Vincent thought it foolish, that their father had given up on life and on them. But Lavender understood the depth of her father’s pain—and the root of it.
She’d spent years trying to hide the anger that simmered deep within her. It was never far away, always within reach. She could call on it when she needed motivation to continue on her path and it never steered her wrong. But she knew better than to let anyone see the dark, roiling knot that existed deep within her.
For a few moments, Austin stared at her as if he could see that ball she’d tucked away. She was afraid of the question that hewould ask next, not completely certain that she’d be able to deflect it like she usually did.
But instead he said, “Well, since you had all those lessons, I suppose I could ask for a worse instructor to teach me how to be a proper gentleman.”
Lavender looked at him in surprise. He knew something. Perhaps not the truth but that there was more to what she was saying. And instead of pressing her on it, he decided to change the topic.
She smiled in relief. “I hope to be thanked in the future for the kind service I am extending to you,” she said, to which he only grunted.
There was no more talk about the past after that. The dinner went by in relative comfort and, to Lavender’s surprise, Austin was far more talkative than he let on. She even got him to laugh a few times throughout the three courses that were served and by the time they were finished with dessert, he seemed content, swirling his glass of wine idly.
“It does not seem as if the storm is letting up,” he commented.
Lavender paused. Even in the dining room, she could hear the thunder of rain outside, a low drone that she had been ignoring this entire time. The thought of not being able to go home should have bothered her. Instead she felt immense relief.
“It is not,” she agreed. “It appears as if I will be spending the night.”
Austin raised his brows at her. “You sound oddly pleased by that.”
“Do I?”
The barest of smiles touched his face. “Then I suppose I should keep you entertained while you are here. You like to read, correct?”
“It is one of my favourite pastimes.” Lavender paused then shook her head. “My only pastime.”
