“I do.” Wincing, he shook his head. “Though I am attempting to indulge in it a little less.”
“Because you wish to gain society’s favour a little more.”
His shoulders lifted. “Mayhap. I am not certain what it is that I desire, Lady Amelia. All I know is that I do not want tobe known as ‘the Beastly Duke’ any longer. Though it seems as though I do require your help in that regard.”
Amelia found herself stepping forward, her hand going to his arm as sympathy rippled through her chest. There was a sadness to his tone, a frustration in his eyes which did not seem to fade even though her hand settled on his. Instead, his shoulders appeared a little slumped, his lips pulling into a flat line.
“You will achieve that, Your Grace, I am sure of it.”
His eyes closed. “And yet even here, even in London in the company of my brother and in other fine company, I find that my dreams still linger. They still grow and spread and put out dark fingers over my soul.”
At the mention of his dreams, Amelia pressed her fingers on his a little more. “What can be done to rid you of these, Your Grace? It is clear that they torment you and yet – ”
“Nothing can be done.” The Duke looked down sharply as though he had only just realized that her hand was on his and then, pulling it away, stepped back. “Forgive me. I should not have said anything.” A scowl pulled at his features. “It seems as though I cannot make even a single moment of considerate, respectable conversation without either frightening the young lady I am speaking to – such as Lady Katherine – or expressing something I ought not to have done. I think I shall take my leave of you now, Lady Amelia, before I say anything more foolish.”
Amelia wanted to tell him to stay, wanted to tell him that there was nothing wrong with what he had expressed and that she would be glad to listen to whatever it was he wanted to say but the Duke of Ashbourne had already walked away before she had time to truly think about what she might say to encourage him to linger. With a heavy heart, she turned and watched him walk not only away from her but right out of the bookshop, letting the door close behind him without so much as a singleglance in her direction. Swallowing hard, Amelia was a little surprised at the upset which filled her heart and soul, the sadness which came with the realization that her attempt to be of aid to the Duke could only go so far. If he had no desire to express the truth to her, had no eagerness to share with her what he struggled with, what brought him so much sorrow, then what else could she do? Yes, she might aid him in conversation and speak well of him to others but if he could not express the singular difficulty, the one thing which continually tortured his mind and entered into his dreams, then what hope was there for any real, significant change in his heart and his character?
Tears began to sting in her eyes but Amelia blinked them away furiously, refusing to let them fall. She wasnotabout to let herself become so caught up with the Duke of Ashbourne that she let her heart grow heavy and sorrowful over him. With a sniff, she lifted her chin and returned her attention to the books, doing everything she could to push the gentleman out of her mind.
Chapter Twelve
Nathanial looked up as his mother came through the door of the drawing room. “Mother. You look quite lovely. Are you ready to attend the soiree?”
“I am.” Lady Ashbourne began to smile, only for that to fade as she walked over to him and then placed one hand lightly against his cheek, her eyes searching his. “You are troubled.”
Nathanial, who had not been able to remove the most recent conversation he had shared with Lady Amelia from his mind, instantly shook his head. “I am quite well, Mother, I assure you.”
“I do not believe you.”
A quiet laugh broke from Nathanial’s lips. “Be that as it may, Mother, I assure you that I am not troubled. I – ”
“You have not been sleeping.” Lady Ashbourne tilted her head, her hand dropping back to her side. “I have heard you wandering the hallways at all hours of the night. I do not sleep well myself and often rise to read so do not pretend to me that you have been without difficulty. I know that not to be true.”
Letting out a slow breath, Nathanial shook his head. “What else can I say, Mother? I am better than I would be if I were at home, I am sure.”
“I doubt that.” There was a hint of mirth in Lady Ashbourne’s voice and though Nathanial frowned, he saw her smile. “You would be more than contented back at the estate, I think. You would be enjoying the quiet, the solitude, the peace that you so often crave. Instead, however, you have given yourself to a different situation entirely where you are forced, now, to be in company and to do the very opposite of what you usually enjoy.”
Nathanial could not help but chuckle, seeing the truth in his mother’s words. “I will not pretend otherwise.”
“But all the same, I think it is good for you to be doing this,” his mother told him, just as William came into the room. “Though I do wonder if there is a young lady who has caught your interest?”
“Ashbourne? Find himself drawn to a young lady?” William laughed as he came towards them both. “Come now, Mother! We must be reasonable in our expectations and not suggest things that are quite out of the ordinary for this Duke.” Clapping one hand on Nathanial’s shoulder, he grinned broadly at him. “Is that not right, brother? You are here only to attempt to rejoin society a little, nothing more.”
Nathanial nodded. “That is just so. I am afraid I have no interest in any young lady, Mother, though do not think I have forgotten my responsibilities in that regard. At some juncture, I will begin to consider matrimony but it is not at the present moment.”
“I see.”
“Though perhaps I shall,” William put in, making his mother beam as Nathanial’s eyebrow lifted. “I have met many a pretty young lady, though I must admit that Lady Amelia seems to me to be quite lovely. Her sister is too and I should have looked to her first but given that she is already engaged, I cannot – and will not – do so.”
A stone dropped into Nathanial’s stomach.
“Lady Amelia is perfectly lovely!” Lady Ashbourne exclaimed, slipping her arm into William’s as they turned to make their way from the room and down to the waiting carriage. “And the daughter of a Marquess, so she is already more than suitable for you.”
William chuckled. “I would not let someone’s title – or lack thereof – prevent me from pursuing someone, should I trulywish it,” he told his mother as Nathanial remained rooted to the spot. “Though I will let myself consider Lady Amelia, certainly. Her beauty, her gentle manner and her delightful conversation make her a diamond in my eyes.”
The door closed and Nathanial stared at it, his breathing a little shallow as he tried to take in what his brother had said. There was no reason for him to be feeling so astonished, he told himself, but a light sweat had broken out across his forehead and heat was burning flames up his spine.
William? Considering Lady Amelia? Squeezing his eyes closed, Nathanial let out a long, slow breath as he fought to make sense of what his brother had said. There was no reason why William should not consider Lady Amelia, given that she was both a debutante and more than amiable, so why then was he himself finding that thought so troubling? He had known from the beginning that his mother had hoped to introduce William to Lady Amelia but Nathanial had never once thought that William would truly consider her!
