Shay sighed, dropping her back against the sofa.
‘After you left, he was so upset about Leo – and you, of course – then he started dating this woman, Eva, and she wasn’t like the others. I actually liked her. She wouldn’t put up with crap, so he stopped being crappy. It was the stupidest thing. We went out to a burger place, the three of us, and when the waiter asked if we wanted any sauces, he asked for mayo like he always does, and blue cheese for her, without even asking. Then he turned to me, as if waiting for me to say what I wanted.’
‘Barbecue.’
‘Well, obviously. The whole meal was full of these tiny, natural interactions between them, like he knew this woman, and she knew him. He noticed her. He cared about what she wanted. It made me so scared I actually threw up after the taxi dropped me home and they carried on back to his place together. It was as if whenever he topped up her water glass or she helped herself to a spoonful of his fudge cake, my eyes opened a little wider. I didn’t feel ill because I had to share my friend, or even because he might be starting to care for someone more than me. It was like a horror show unfolding, and I was realising that all the irritating comments and jokes about us were right. I am totally in love with this man. Of course, like all emotionally stunted dopes, I only realised when it was too late.’
‘Why didn’t you tell him? Even if you didn’t want to cause trouble with Eva, he’s not still with her, is he?’
She shrugged. ‘Why does anyone hide how they feel about their lifelong best friend? After seeing him with Eva, I properly doubted whether he felt the same, in which case me saying something would ruin everything. It might ruin everything, even if he does. What if he is just a commitment-phobe who can’t handle a serious relationship? Eva was great, and still only lasted four months. We go at least one day a week not being able to stand each other. What if, once we got together, it ended up being every day?’
‘He’s handled a serious relationship with you since primary school. He told me this evening that being in love with you is killing him.’
‘What’s killing him?’ Kieran asked, appearing in the doorway with a bag in each hand. ‘And who’s him?’
‘You,’ I said, pointedly, before getting up to pull him over to the sofa. ‘I’m going to check on Bob and make us all a Baileys hot chocolate while you two finally talk about how you’re in love with each other, and what you’re going to do about it.’
I gave them a good twenty minutes, and when I got back I still had to cough several times and lob a reindeer cushion at them before they noticed me and stopped snogging.
I crawled into bed another hour or so later, my voice hoarse from all the singing, talking and laughing. I’d shown Shay and Kieran the spare bedroom and left them making up for lost time.
I sent Beckett one message.
Mary
All okay?
After our kiss, I’d been expecting a trickle of funny, sweet, flirty messages throughout the day, although perhaps the missed calls indicated that Beckett wanted to talk to me in person rather than send a WhatsApp.
When Bob woke me up the next morning, the day of the NLCCCCC, I still hadn’t got a reply.
30
MARY
I didn’t know how long a honeymoon period was supposed to last. Leo and I spent two and a half months in a post-marriage bubble, partly down to Kieran and Shay’s bruising reaction to hearing I was now Leo’s wife.
I expected them to be surprised, maybe upset that we’d denied them the opportunity for a hen-do, being bridesmaid or best man, and a celebration. But given how unenthusiastic they’d been about the relationship, knowing how I shied away from being the centre of attention, I hoped they’d at least try to understand why I’d done it.
They were irate. Coming up with all sorts of arguments about how we hardly knew each other; I’d been reckless and irresponsible. As they’d insisted earlier, I was fooling myself. I couldn’t possibly love Leo, and it was bound to end badly.
‘I thought you’d be pleased about having your tricky HR problem solved,’ I snapped, after Shay made a pointed comment during a directors’ meeting.
She glared at me. ‘You honestly think I care more about that than I do about my friend making the stupidest decision of her life?’
‘Why are you so determined to believe it’s a bad idea? We’ve been together for months now and there’s not a single red flag. You and Kieran can’t come up with one solid reason for why this is a mistake. All you can say is that it’s too soon. I’m thirty-two years old. I don’t even buy a new kettle or book a haircut without thinking it through. It’s beyond insulting that you of all people, who know me so well, can’t accept that I know what I’m doing. Leo is Kieran’s brother, not some random stranger I met on a dating app. What are you so worried about?’
‘I just don’t think he’s the best match for you,’ she mumbled. ‘You aren’t yourself when you’re with him.’
‘Maybe that is me being myself. The me when you and Kieran aren’t constantly dominating and deciding everything. Maybe this is the me who was hiding behind you all along.’
I felt hurt and betrayed. They were acting like my parents – as if I were irresponsible, thoughtless and shallow. The one time I had made a proper decision alone, the people who had always accepted me disapproved. The only way I could cope with it was to pull away, even as it sliced through me like dressmaking scissors to not have them involved in every microscopic detail of my life.
However, while I hated their disappointment, the way they completely froze out Leo shocked me. When I tried to talk to him about it, he shrugged it off.
‘Don’t worry about it. They’re having a tantrum because you’ve got your own life that doesn’t include them, for once.’
Wow. That stung. And I didn’t want my life with Leo not to include Shay and Kieran. There wasn’t a lot I could do about it though, so I simply got on with my job, went home to my husband and kept on missing them.
