‘You blocked me,’ she added, sounding full of hurt.
‘You deserved it,’ I replied, because it was true, and I wasn’t intimidated by her any more. She was an awesome woman, but I’d learned recently that awesome came in all shapes and sizes.
‘I’ll get the rest of the food,’ Kieran said, ducking back out of the door and leaving us to it.
‘I did.’ She gave a rueful smile. ‘Can I have a hug anyway?’
‘Yes. But it’s a temporary truce, like that Christmas Day football match in World War One. I’m not pretending everything is all fine now.’
‘Nothing is fine while you’re here and we’re there,’ Shay said, squeezing me so hard my ribs creaked. ‘I hate not talking to you every day. I hate you not telling me when I’m being a cow or my outfit doesn’t work or how your day has been. I have 226 days to catch up on and I need to know everything.’
‘You’ve been counting?’ I asked. Shay still struggled to know what date it was half the time, let alone keeping track over months.
‘I worked it out on the way here.’ She sniffed, pressing her face against my hair. ‘Okay, Kieran worked it out. But only because it’s so many days no normal person could count that high.’
I pulled away. ‘I missed you, too.’
‘You’re all different,’ she said, tugging on my hair, which I’d not had cut now for almost a year.
‘You mean an exhausted, frumpy wreck? It’s how mums of tiny babies look.’
‘No.’ She narrowed one eye. ‘It’s not your appearance as such. Although those new curves are rocking that sweater.’
It was her old sweater. All my jumpers were.
‘You seem… self-assured. That hunchy slump in your shoulders has gone. Your chin is higher. Like, you’ve stopped feeling embarrassed about taking up space on planet Earth.’
‘Hunchy slump? I thought we weren’t making digs or criticising each other today.’
‘I thought we were acting as if the past twelve months never happened. If you’d grown yourself some swagger last Christmas, I’d have mentioned it.’ Her face clouded over. ‘Sorry. I know we aren’t talking about then, either.’
We weren’t, and for most of the day, we didn’t. But the three of us did talk about everything else. ShayKi’s new Antarctic-themed collection, how the manager who took on my role never had a pen on her, and always turned up irritatingly early. What Shay’s nieces and nephews were getting up to, her grandma’s hip replacement. We discussed films and TV shows that we knew the other two would have loved – or loathed. We ranted about politics and gossiped about celebrities, some of whom we’d met and even had dinner with. I gave the briefest of updates about my family, and then told them a sanitised version of the past few months. They didn’t need to know how badly I’d crashed and burned, spending my pregnancy wallowing in despair. They did get to hear about how I was currently rising from the ashes, making friends and costumes and generally doing okay.
‘Tell me about the man,’ Shay ordered as we feasted on beef and roast potatoes that evening. There were also masses of Yorkshire puddings, obviously, because we were Sheffield born and bred, alongside festive trimmings courtesy of M&S food hall.
‘The man who gave me a lift home, which really isn’t that outrageous given that he’s a taxi driver?’
‘Yes, the tall, dark, brooding man who looked as if he was fighting the urge to punch Kieran in the face.’
So, I told them. About how we met, how kind he’d been since. How he’d maybe not saved me, but helped me save myself. After a moment’s deliberation and a swig of red wine, I also told them about the kiss.
‘You love him.’ Shay’s eyes shone as she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up, brandishing her glass like a toast. ‘You have actually managed to finally fall in love.’
‘Careful,’ Kieran warned, aware she was skirting dangerously towards the thinner conversational ice.
‘Tsk,’ Shay tutted, tossing back her braids, which clicked with gold and silver beads. ‘I don’t see Mary disagreeing with me.’
I put down my fork. I was stuffed anyway, and maybe this, at least, needed to be said.
‘I loved Leo. As much of him as he allowed me to know, I loved. However?—’
‘We knew there was a however!’ Shay exclaimed, causing Kieran to chuck a Christmas cracker at her.
‘I may have developed feelings for Beckett that are… different from how things were with Leo. It’s only been a few weeks, but I’m comfortable enough to completely be myself. At the same time, he makes me feel like I’m the most fascinating person on the planet.’
‘He loves you back!’ Shay crowed, bouncing up and down on her toes.
‘I think he might.’
