‘Really?’ It was a genuine question, with only a smidgin of self-pity. ‘I always thought you and Shay were enough for each other.’ I smiled. ‘You, Shay and whatever random woman you happened to have picked up like a stray kitten that month.’
‘Harsh.’ Kieran winced. ‘On both counts. We always needed you. How could you not know that? You balance us. Bring common sense and an aura of peace. We’d have murdered each other by now, without you.’
‘So, you still haven’t admitted you’re madly in love?’
I had nothing to lose at this point with Kieran. I might as well say what I thought.
To my mild surprise, he didn’t reel back in horror or get annoyed. He looked down for a long moment, released a slow sigh and then was honest about how he felt, for the first time in twenty years.
‘Even if she did love me back, she’d rather stay alone forever than risk messing up ShayKi by acting on it. Our fights would only be ten times worse if we had the added complication of being together. Without you to steady us, it’d destroy everything.’
‘Or, without the bubbling underlying tension of your forbidden feelings for each other, you might stop fighting all the time.’ I sat back. ‘I can’t believe you just confessed you’re in love with her.’
He shrugged. ‘I’m getting tired of pretending it’s not slowly killing me. Dating other people isn’t so much of a useful distraction these days.’
‘We should invite her down here.’
Wow. That popped out of my mouth without getting approval from my brain first.
‘What?’
‘Or were you fudging the truth when you said she missed me?’
‘No, of course we miss you! We love you, Mary. I accept now isn’t the time to talk about what happened, but I have to say that we are so sorry. We let you down in the worst way when you needed us the most. Nothing is the same without you. Christmas is a sloppy mess without your schedules and recipes and perfect presents.’ He finished his cake. ‘That’s another reason I’m here. Obviously I was worried sick, and needed to see if you were okay. I was desperate to meet my niece or nephew. But as well as that, I wanted to ask you to come home.’
‘Sheffield isn’t my?—’
‘Not for good. I get you won’t be ready for that. But for a few days? Show Bob a ShayKi family Christmas? Everyone will be thrilled to meet him.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘What, you can’t seriously want to miss the Christmas Eve party? Lori’s nativity? To spend it alone, here?’ He glanced around the dismal kitchen, and I felt a prickle of defensiveness.
‘Who says I’m going to be alone?’
That made Kieran pause. ‘The guy who dropped you off?’ He raised one eyebrow. ‘I’d say that was fast, but compared to Leo…’
‘He’s just a friend,’ I protested, as if it were any of his business these days. As if there were anything ‘just’ about Beckett. ‘A really good friend. Who was there for me when I needed him.’
Kieran nodded. ‘He’s not a bad-looking friend. Who looked about ready to throttle the man waiting outside your house. Maybe you should think about whether you could be interested in more than that.’
‘Which brings us nicely back to you and Shay. I’m not going back to Sheffield any time soon, but I wouldn’t object to her spending the day here tomorrow.’
‘Really?’ Kieran peered at me, a glint of hope in his eyes.
‘We can have a ShayKi Christmas Day here. Heal some wounds. Get the band back together and find out if we can still be in the same room without screaming at one another or crying about what we’ve lost.’
‘Who we’ve lost,’ Kieran said, meeting my eyes.
I sighed. ‘Nope. Still too soon.’
Kieran set off soon after that, arriving back at eleven the next day with Shay, and everything we needed for a traditional Christmas, our way.
I hovered in the doorway, Bob in my arms, while they hauled in a cool box each.
‘Hey,’ Shay said, uncharacteristically small-voiced, once we’d moved to the kitchen and I’d put Bob in his bouncy chair.
‘Hi.’
