Can we talk? We miss you.
My finger hovered over the phone for a few seconds, a thousand thoughts and regrets zipping through my brain.
Deleted. Blocked. Done.
25
BECKETT
On Saturday, Beckett got a message from Moses inviting him to the Christmas trail at the Peace and Pigs, a campsite near Mary’s house. It seemed a strange invite from one thirty-something male to another guy he didn’t know all that well, and a quick look online revealed it to include a ‘sleigh-ride’, Santa’s grotto and various food, drink and gift stalls.
He sent a quick reply.
Beckett
Are you asking me out on a date?
Moses
Sorry, bro, I’m a one-woman man. Sofia’s having a day with her coffee mums, so the dads are taking the kids out. Mary’s gone so we thought you might be at a loose end.
Beckett
You do know Mary and I are only friends?
Moses
Of course you are
Moses included a winking emoji.
Moses
We’re meeting in the car park at 11. You in?
Beckett really needed to work. It was the busiest season, and his bank account was giving him nightmares. At the same time, he couldn’t take Gramps out in the taxi again. He might have considered asking Moses to take Gramps to the Christmas thing, if small children weren’t involved. Then again, if Gramps had a busy day, maybe Beckett could head out later, when he was asleep for the night? He’d been thinking about their argument, whether Gramps really did need watching every single minute. He didn’t usually start night-time antics until at least two. If Beckett went out at nine, and was back for midnight, that would be something. And if it worked, he could make it a regular thing.
Beckett
I’ll need to bring Marvin with me, but if that’s okay then yes, count us in.
Moses
More the merrier!
It was an okay day. Disaster free, Gramps-wise, which was as good a bar as any. He met Jay, who had a baby a few months older than Bob, and was clearly struggling to reconcile his late-night event work with the responsibilities of fatherhood. There was also Angus, who’d been at the games night, with a one-year-old, Kimmy, who Beckett recognised as the daughter of Mary’s new friend Li. Moses had all of his kids apart from Eli, the eldest.
They rode the sleigh, which was a cleverly decorated wagon pulled by horses wearing reindeer antlers, and the older kids ran about in the woods and found all the hidden candy canes that led them to Santa’s grotto, where a band were playing jazzed-up carols. Beckett found he didn’t hate his first ever family day out since he’d broken up with Rebecca. What he did miss was having his own family there. He couldn’t help thinking about how, in future years, Bob would love seeing the animals and having hot chocolate and a hot dog before telling Santa Claus what he wanted for Christmas.
When Santa asked Beckett what he wanted, because apparently at this grotto no one was too old to sit in the special chair beside Santa and ask for a present, he knew without thinking about it.
This was what Beckett wanted. To get to do all this stuff with Bob and Mary. Christmas, spring, summer in the forest, bonfire parties. First day of school right through until graduation.
Bob might well have a dad who’d end up being part of his life. Beckett might never become more than a friend to Mary, because, despite how hard he couldn’t help hoping for it, she’d never given the slightest indication that she felt anything for him beyond that. It didn’t matter. He’d be Uncle Beckett, if he had to (please, don’t let him end up as Uncle Beckett).
Once they got home, he kept Gramps awake with card games and an unhurried evening meal, then helped him up the stairs and ready for bed. At nine, heart hammering, he cracked open the bedroom door enough to confirm the snores, then left a note on the kitchen table, just in case, and sneaked out like a teenager off to an illicit party.
He did a full three hours of taxi driving, adrenaline pounding through his veins, then broke every speed limit to get home. All the lights were off as he hurried up the short driveway, but as soon as he opened the front door, Beckett could sense something was off.
