‘I find driving relaxing. Right now fun is not a priority. Or a possibility.’
‘Hello, Santa-day Night?’
‘Right now, fun is not a poss?—’
‘But it should be. It has to be. If you carry on like this, taking no time to look after yourself, you’ll end up ill, and what will happen to Gramps then?’
‘Well, thanks for that. Just the pick-me-up I needed to hear right now.’ Beckett’s voice had noticeably sharpened. I pressed on before he grew really annoyed.
‘I want to help. Please. Not instead of you paying for a professional carer. On top of that, as a friend. If you’re going to be working on the carol concert with me, it’s the least I can do.’
There was a brief pause.
‘You have Bob to take care of.’
‘Gramps loves Bob. Having a baby to coo over will stop him getting into mischief.’
‘Gramps can be really unpleasant. Today was a good day because he had his own way.’
‘Yesterday Bob peed in my eye. I can handle offensive comments.’ I didn’t mention all the times I’d listened to people pouring their frustration out to my mum, far too distressed to tone it down because there was a teenager sitting in the corner.
‘It’s a bit more than that.’
‘Beckett, a few minutes ago you asked why I find it so hard to accept help. Can you answer the same question? I’m offering to sit with your grandpa for a few hours, I don’t know, a couple of times a week. In exchange for you doing me a massive favour that will take loads of your time. You can go for a walk, or enjoy a coffee in a bougie café, sit and read. Join a club. Go on a date! Find something that makes you laugh, or simply forget for a while.’
He was silent in response to this, so I kept going.
‘I have virtually nothing to do.’
‘Apart from Bob.’
I dismissed that with an irritated tut. ‘Other mums look after babies while caring for older kids, running their own business, or at the very least having a basic social life. Sofia and Moses have five kids!’
‘Sofia and Moses have each other.’
‘Look, just stop, okay? I’m going to do this. I need to do this. Otherwise I… I can’t be friends with you.’
‘You’re giving me an ultimatum?’
‘No.’ I sighed. That wasn’t it at all. When was my brain going to start functioning again? ‘It’s a fact. Despite current circumstances, I know how to be a good friend, and that includes not wasting your days watching Grey’s Anatomy ignoring a friend who’s struggling. I literally can’t do it. I hate myself enough already at the moment.’
Woah, Mary. That was way too much information.
I spent a few moments mentally beating myself over the head while waiting for Beckett to reply. When he did speak, it was hesitant, as if he was far more competent than me at thinking before blurting out humiliating opinions about himself.
‘If you’re going to be coming around to my house, then I’d consider it more relaxing and… fun…’ he stumbled over the word as if it were in a foreign language ‘…if I stayed, rather than went to some coffee shop. I spend enough time in my taxi trying to ignore the strangers sitting behind me.’
‘Then how does that give you a break?’ I tried to hide how high my spirits leapt at being invited to hang out more with Beckett.
‘Maybe having someone to offer moral support will help more than trying to find something productive to do by myself, while stressing about what’s happening at home.’
‘Okay. I take your point. So, let’s do both. Build it up slowly while I get to know Gramps and you remember what it is you like doing. Go to the gym, do a food shop, whatever. I don’t believe you can’t think of something. Then when you’re back, we can work on costumes together.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘I mean, I think Bob would miss me if you insisted we stopped being friends.’
