‘When you’re adopted, the rules won’t matter. We have to stop,’ I said, once I’d pulled away long enough for my head to unscramble. ‘Even in secret. And it’s forever, so we can’t ever start again.’
He looked away, clenching his jaw before giving a sharp nod. ‘I know.’
‘But this was still the best day of my life. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t regret it.’
‘Well, that only confirms I’ve made the right decision. I don’t want just one day of this.’
His hair had flopped back over his face, and he glanced at me through the light-brown strands, waiting for my reaction.
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘No, Jonah.’ I paused, made an effort to keep my voice quiet. ‘You can’t turn down this chance. Not because of me.’
‘Even if you walked out that door and decided you hated my guts, touching me made your skin crawl and you ignored me until one of us moves out, it won’t change how I feel. Even if we never kiss again, I will still love you. And not in a brotherly way. At all.’
I closed my eyes. It was the best and the hardest thing I’d ever heard.
‘I love you, too,’ I whispered.
‘Then I can’t do it. I won’t do it.’
‘Maybe you just need some time,’ I gabbled. ‘If we try to stay away from each other, work really hard at being friends. I don’t know – you could get a girlfriend easily. My friend Katie thinks you’re hot, she’d go on a date with you…’
‘So, let’s say I start going out with Katie.’ He grimaced at the very thought, which sent a ripple of pleasure through me. ‘Will it change how you feel about me?’
I waited before answering, wanting so hard to do the right thing and lie. ‘No. But I can live with it. If it means you, Billy and Ellis get the family you need.’
He leant forwards again, looking right into my eyes. I saw a smile dancing behind the gold, and I knew then that I wouldn’t change his mind. ‘The only way I’m becoming part of your family is if you marry me.’
‘Woah. That’s a big statement.’
‘So is I love you.’
‘Have you changed your plan, then?’ I asked, aware that for the first time Jonah was talking about a long-term future. ‘Were my notes successful?’
He laughed. ‘What, trying to persuade me that elephants were a reason to stay alive? They were not.’
He pressed a gentle finger against my mouth, shutting off my protest.
‘But knowing that I get the chance to spend another day, and another, and another, with someone like you… knowing that someone like you… No, not someone like you – justyou– cared enough about me to write all those stupid notes. Yes. My plan has changed.’
‘But your new plan is to say no to the adoption.’
‘My plan is to move into one of those supported accommodation units as soon as possible. The kind where they don’t have rules about girlfriends staying over.’
‘My parents will be heartbroken.’
‘They’ll get over it. I’ll be here all the time to see Ellis and Billy.’ He took hold of my hand. ‘And my girlfriend.’
‘What will you tell them when they ask why?’
He squinted. ‘That I’m head over heels in love with their daughter?’
I tugged on his hand.
‘That I’m very grateful, but I’ve spent years taking care of my brother and sister, and I don’t trust myself to stop if I’m living with them again. They deserve a proper mum and dad, not a screwed-up seventeen-year-old. And I deserve a chance to be seventeen, without worrying about them all the time. I don’t think I can do that if we’re in the same house.’
