We agreed that she’d come along the following day to the postnatal Bloomers session, and I stood to pass Emily back to her, but Petra was distracted by two figures coming through the garden gate.
‘There’s Bob,’ Petra said as they started walking towards us. ‘He promised to take me shopping for more preemie baby clothes.’ She squinted at the man beside him. ‘That’s not Benny, though. He’s got hair.’
The other man was definitely not Benny. It was Jonah. I’d not seen him in two weeks, and it was discomfiting how being in the same garden as him made my stomach flip inside out.
‘Ah, Petra. Nice to see you up and about, enjoying the lovely morning.’ Bob beamed as he reached the patio.
Petra shrugged. ‘Emily isn’t really into lie-ins.’
‘Have you been keeping her in the shade?’
‘Yes, and she’s got her sunhat on.’
‘Very good.’ Bob nodded enthusiastically, before placing a hand on Jonah’s shoulder.
‘Ladies, this is Joe. Joe, meet Petra and her daughter, Emily. Oh, and this is Libby.’
Jonah had briefly taken his eyes off mine to smile hello to Petra, but he aimed them straight back at me. ‘Yes, I’ve known Libby for a long time.’
‘Really? Since your Green House days? She used to come here with her parents back when she was a lass, but she must have made an impression if you remember her from way back then.’ He leant closer to Petra as if sharing a tasty crumb of gossip, which from my perspective it certainly was. ‘Joe lived at the Green House when he was younger, too. How long were you with us, Joe?’
‘Um.’ Jonah dropped his gaze, a bloom of pink spreading up from his neck across his cheeks. ‘About five years.’
‘Five years! Long enough that when he changed his surname, he picked ours. Joe Green. Our son from another mum.’
I was very grateful for the distraction of the baby in my arms. Focussing on the solid warmth of her tiny body against my shoulder, I did my best to suck in enough oxygen to prevent my head spinning.
The Green House was a forty-five-minute walk from where I’d grown up. As Petra and Bob chattered about nothing much, I skimmed through my memories to find when I’d stoppedvisiting the Green House for their bonfire nights and barbecues. Probably that same summer Jonah had left.
Had I stopped going because I’d been too miserable, hiding away and burying myself in GCSE resits until Katie had dragged me along to her youth group and I’d met Brayden?
Or… had my parents stopped inviting me?
I remembered with a flash that I had gone a couple of times with Brayden – to a Christmas party, and the following Easter Egg hunt. Then I’d started at the University of Derby, and that had been that until Bloomers began.
‘So, Libby, did you keep in contact with Joe while he was on his travels, or only since he returned to Sherwood Forest?’
‘Oh, um, he came along with Ellis to a couple of the Bloomer sessions.’
‘Of course! Of course. Lovely young woman. We were very disappointed she turned down a place here. I think she’d have got on well with Verity and Victor.’
Petra burst out laughing. Verity and Victor were miniature goats, famous for their terrible tempers.
‘Well, it was lovely to see you, and of course to meet this gorgeous girl, but I’m going to head off now.’ I carefully handed Emily back to her mother, reiterated how much I was looking forward to seeing her the next day, and practically fled into the house.
I was six steps down the tiled hallway when Jonah caught up with me.
‘Hey.’
‘Hi.’ I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t know what to think, let alone what to say.
‘I guess we need that dinner,’ he said, his voice uncharacteristically nervous.
‘I don’t know, Jonah.Joe. Is it really a good idea, raking up the past? It’s bound to hurt one of us.’
‘It sounds like you’re already hurt,’ he said, quietly. ‘And there’s nothing you could tell me that will hurt more than if you don’t even give us a chance.’
‘Finding out from Bob that you were living so close to my house is not pleasant. Hearing you explain why you chose to never contact me, despite that, despite the promises… everything you said… That would crush me.’ I was whispering now, my throat tight with the tears I was battling to keep at bay. ‘Please don’t ask me to do that.’
