‘You know how we feel about them,’ Mum went on. ‘Thirty-nine children and we’ve always known we were just a rest-stop on their journeys. They weren’t meant to be ours. But this time, right from the start, it felt different. It would be incredible to see the siblings back together, and there’s no way that will happen unless we step up.’
Dad reached to take her hand. ‘But, of course, that also depends on you two. It’s a huge ask, a massive change for all of us, and we won’t go ahead unless everyone is certain.’
‘Like we’re going to be the selfish birth-kids who say no to keeping siblings together?’ Nicky said. ‘You can’t put that on us.’
‘More like, you’re going to be the honest, informed, realistic birth-kids who help us to work out the best decision for all of us. Just because you two aren’t vulnerable or traumatised, it doesn’t mean your wishes or your lives matter any less.’
‘Could have fooled me,’ Nicky muttered.
‘This will change things forever. We need to know what you honestly think about it.’
‘Where will they sleep?’ Nicky asked, first. ‘Will I still have a bedroom when I come home for the holidays?’
So started a three-way conversation that went on for over an hour. Occasionally someone would ask what I thought about a practical or emotional issue, but the only way I could answer was to focus on Ellis and Billy, who I loved enough to happily become a forever-big-sister to, rather than allow myself to contemplate what it would mean for me and Jonah. Or Bronah, as he really would be then.
I spluttered a couple of sentences about how it would be nice to have permanent siblings, rather than the endless merry-go-round of new children moving in and out.
We concluded the family meeting by agreeing to think about it for a few more days, then talk again, but it was a meaningless delay. It was clear that three of the Franklins had already decided, and the fourth one wasn’t going to be honest with them.
That left me with only one option. I had to get over Jonah King, and quickly.
I also had to burn my journal.
My biggest regret was not burning it right then and there.
34
NOW
With the antenatal course including Brayden and Silva having finished a week ago, I now had a precious Tuesday off before the new group started. I felt relieved that it was over, as well as proud that I’d remained mostly professional. The classes had also provided some reassurance that the new baby could be a good thing for my family, rather than presenting more problems.
Dad was picking up the children, leaving me time to catch up on other tasks, including a visit to the Green House to see Petra and her new baby, who had come home from hospital a couple of days earlier.
It was now mid July, and the farm was always glorious during the height of summer. The fields surrounding the Green House hollow were an uplifting patchwork of yellow rapeseed, green polka-dotted with sheep, and the silvery brown of barley. The trees lining the lane leading up to the house were heavy with new fruit, and the gardens bustled with colour and life.
Maria walked me around to the terrace behind the house where Petra was cuddling her tiny daughter.
‘Hey, how are you?’ I sat down in the chair beside her.
‘I’m okay.’ Petra gave a rueful smile.
‘Really?’ I squinted at her. ‘After what you’ve been through, I’d expect you to be completely knackered and maybe still recovering from the shock.’
I’d been right about Petra having pre-eclampsia. Things had escalated in hospital to the point where the safest option had been to medically induce labour a month early.
Petra sagged in her chair. ‘I’m sore and I’m tired, and there are some very weird things going on with my body right now. But, I don’t know. After all those weeks scared about not being ready, as soon as I saw her that changed. It’s like, I can’t even remember how I existed without her.’
‘Are you going to introduce us?’ I said, reaching over to waggle her baby’s bare foot.
‘This is Emily.’
‘What a beautiful name for a beautiful baby. Mary told me that she’s doing really well, despite the stressful start.’
Petra bent to kiss her on the forehead, before handing her over to me, her face glowing with pride.
‘She was five pounds eleven but has already put on two ounces.’
We chatted for another half-hour or so, Petra happy to let me hold Emily as she described her time in hospital and I answered some of her questions.
