‘Sorry, this is completely inappropriate. You’re here for an antenatal class and I’m rambling on about my failed marriage. I don’t know what I was thinking…’
He remained completely still.
‘I have no idea what you’re thinking now, either…’ I gabbled, starting to gather up the paperwork.
He gave a small shake of his head, mouth twisting ruefully. ‘It’s hard to think anything when I’m with you.’
What?
My hand fumbled the pen it was clutching, sending it rolling off the table and clattering onto the floor.
‘I stopped thinking completely at “I loved you”.’
The air had grown so heavy, hauling it into my lungs felt like a huge effort. Jonah waited, watching me, his face the bland expression that I knew hid a kaleidoscope of emotions.
‘You knew I loved you,’ I said, hunching into my shoulders, brain scrambling to catch up with my pounding heart.
‘Ihopedyou loved me,’ Jonah replied, his voice a deep rumble. ‘Being with you was the first time I felt remotely lovable.’
‘Are we really going to talk about this?’ I said, so quietly it was almost a whisper.
Jonah’s mouth twitched. ‘About how we felt then, or how we feel now?’
I hadn’t noticed it happen, but we’d ended up right at the corner of the table, so close that, as we angled towards each other, I could feel his controlled exhale, catch the tang of leather that lingered even without his jacket.
I knew that if I stretched out my hand to touch the soft hairs on his forearm, it would feel exactly the same.
‘Although, to be honest,’ he went on, probably because he could tell I was beyond speech, ‘for me, there’s no difference.’
Before I could do anything, there was a sudden noise from behind us.
‘Mum!’
I jumped back about two feet, my chair almost toppling onto the manky linoleum.
‘Finn!’ I wheezed. ‘What are you doing up?’
‘Isla was crying. Didn’t you hear her?’
I mentally shook myself back into the present day, Isla’s wails clear now that Finn had opened the kitchen door. They grew louder as she shuffled down the stairs, appearing in the doorway at the same moment I gathered my wits about me enough to stand up.
‘Mu-u-u-u-u-u-ummy!’ She threw herself against my bare legs, clutching at my dungaree shorts, and I quickly scooped her up into a hug.
‘Did you have a nightmare, darling?’
‘Yes!’ she said, little chest hitching as she mumbled about a mean prince taking her away to his castle, her snotty, tear-stained face buried in my neck.
‘Have you had an accident?’ I whispered, quietly enough for Finn, taking in the scene with narrowed eyes, and Jonah, quietly slipping a stack of handouts into his rucksack, to pretend they hadn’t heard.
‘The prince wouldn’t let me go to the toilet!’ she sobbed, clearly not at all bothered about who might hear. ‘My bed’s all wet, too.’
‘Who is this man?’ Finn demanded in a growl.
‘This is Jonah. His sister’s having a baby but she’s not very well, so he’s having a class by himself.’
‘Since when did brothers do antenatal classes?’ Finn folded his arms across his Nottingham Forest pyjamas.
‘Since the sister lives with her brother, so he wants to learn about how to take care of a baby, too. So he can help her.’
