Feeling strangely energised rather than even more tired than usual, instead of slumping in front of the television, I poured myself a modest glass of wine and went into the garden with a book and a blanket. The kids’ windows were open, I would hear if they needed me. Toby and Hazel were nowhere to be seen, and for a long hour, I didn’t even need the book. I sipped my wine, watched the sunset over the treetops and, for the first time in what felt like forever, I simply breathed.
21
When my alarm went off an hour earlier than usual, it took everything I’d got to avoid the snooze button, instead pushing back the covers and slowly hauling myself up. I crept downstairs like a teenager sneaking off to a party, tiptoeing about the kitchen as I made a mug of tea before slipping outside into the crisp morning air.
Oh, it was a tiny slice of heaven. I spent half an hour alternating between thinking and not thinking, and another fifteen minutes reading my book. I was upstairs, out of the shower and half-dressed when Isla burst into my bedroom. Rather than bracing myself as usual, I was ready for her.
‘Hey, lovely. How did you sleep?’
‘Okay.’ She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. ‘I had a dream about a hedgehog pricking me with its prickles.’
‘Ouch! Did you feel the prickles in your dream?’
‘No.’ She folded her arms. ‘Why are you so woken up already?’
‘I got up a bit earlier than usual. Shall we see if Finn’s up or get some breakfast just the two of us, first?’
‘Breakfast just two of us!’ Suspicion evaporating, she thundered down the stairs loud enough to wake her brother up. Thankfully, by the time she had a plate of toast with a banana milkshake, she was happy enough to share her mummy with Finn.
The rest of the morning went, if not like clockwork, not like a clock that is dysfunctional and broken. We were ready on time. Isla had cried only once. She’d laughed her head off when Hazel had thrown up down Toby’s shirt.
‘This was good, wasn’t it?’ Finn asked as we walked to school, spotting a rabbit in one of the fields alongside the path. ‘Shall we do our lunch the night before every day? Maybe then Isla will stop crying all the time.’
I knew it would take more than an organised morning, or a mum who’d had an hour to gather herself before the onslaught of the day. But we would be doing our lunch the night before, that much I did know.
My buoyant mood carried on into the first half of the antenatal class with Brayden and Silva, up until the lunchbreak, when Brayden cornered me by the coffee mugs.
‘Liz, as you’ll have noticed, I’m struggling to interact with you today.’
‘Oh?’ No, actually, I hadn’t. It had been a practical session so far, looking at comfortable positions to support labour, which mostly involved the couples working together while I wandered about making the odd helpful suggestion and answering any questions.
‘To be honest, I nearly didn’t come. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to keep my cool and put our private lives to one side. You know what I’m referring to.’
‘Sorry, I really don’t.’ My mind started flicking through possible reasons for Brayden to lose his cool with me. He’dseemed in a great mood when he’d dropped Finn and Isla off on Saturday. I couldn’t imagine what had happened since.
‘It’s only fair that I tell you Silva and I are discussing whether we need to apply for custody. The plan was to start some weekend sleepovers, a few days away in the school holidays. But we are gravely concerned.’
‘Um, what? What plan?’
‘I knew you were struggling. But at this point, the question needs to be asked whether you’re simply clueless and desperate, or have genuinely lost your mind.’
‘Excuse me? How dare you speak to me like that?’ I still had no idea what was going on, but my hands had started trembling with rage.
‘How dareyou? This must breach all professional standards. If it was the other way around, and a male in a position of authority had acted like this with a teenage mother, people would be contacting the police. Maybe they already have. You’d be fired if you weren’t your own boss. What the hell does Nicky say about it?’
To my horror, the rest of the class had at some point tuned in to Brayden’s increasingly loud rant.
‘Are you accusing me of something, Brayden? Because I think you’d probably best say what the hell it is I’m meant to have done rather than throw cryptic statements around.’
He turned up his nose in a sneer. ‘Are you denying that you’ve shacked up with a teenager from one of your classes? Moved him into the house with my children, and got him playing daddy?’
There was a collective intake of breath from everyone in the room, including me. I waited a moment, forced myself to take a couple of slow, deep breaths and counted backwards from ten.
‘Yes, I’m denying it. Where on earth did you hear that?’
‘A concerned parent at Bigley Primary told me that thisboywalked the children to school. Isla was very happy to tell everyone that he’d moved in, and was going to be her new daddy.’
‘And you believed it?’ I pulled back my shoulders, ignoring the very real urge to vomit in horror, and tipped up my chin, looking my ex-husband right in the eye. ‘Last week Isla told her teacher that she had a flying bed and I’d flown her to fairy land. You were married to me for years. Which one of those stories do you think is more likely?’
