Those words, shining at me from my phone screen:
I’d love that
It was hard to contain how much I’d love it, too.
Could I bring the kids to dinner? Glancing up to see Finn brandishing the metal balloon whisk an inch from his sister’s face, declaring he was a mad scientist about to scoop her eye out, Isla already hitching her little lungs in distress, I ditched that idea.
Toby, pacing up and down the kitchen with his daughter on his hip, picked up a pancake and stuffed it in his mouth, grabbed the whisk and tossed it over to the sink, where it landed perfectly in the washing-up bowl, and then plonked Hazel in Isla’s lap, showing Isla how to hold her safely and instantly distracting her from the fear of losing an eye.
‘The shower curtain needs more fittings, but the hardware store should have the right ones.’ He glanced up at me, keeping a steady hand on Hazel. ‘I’ll grab some of the mould killer Mum uses when I’m there, too. Best to sort it before it gets into the plaster. An hour or two scrubbing should do the trick. I’m in college tomorrow, but could sort it once I’m back?’
I stood for a moment and tried to catch my breath. Here was this man-child, his baby and countless associated problems in my house, inserting himself into my life. My life, like my house, had more than enough problems already. I couldn’t take this on. I simplycouldn’t.
But then I thought about the shower I’d had that morning, dropping the giant shampoo bottle Shanice had given me onto my toe because I was trying to open it one-handed while holding the stupid shower head upright. When I’d bent to pick it up, water had squirted all over the bathroom. Isla had slipped in it when she’d rushed in five minutes later desperate for a wee, yanking the shower curtain off the wall as she’d fallen, and then in the ensuing drama she’d wet herself.
I knew how impossible it would be to find somewhere for a teenage dad and his baby to live. The refuges I worked with only took women. There was no way I was about to send Toby and his daughter to a homeless hostel or the kind of temporary housing the council might scrabble to find at urgent notice.
I liked Toby. I loved Hazel. It wasn’t her fault her gums were sore.
When I’d decided I needed some new people in my life, this wasn’t quite what I’d had in mind, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t the right thing to do.
Actually, it felt like one of the foolhardiest things I’d ever done, but I did it anyway. Perhaps there was an optimist still lurking inside me after all.
‘Toby, how would you feel about staying a bit longer? I mean, just until we found somewhere more suitable?’
Toby winked at me, six feet three of eighteen-year-old charm. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’
‘I don’t suppose you happen to be free on Thursday…’
Nicky messaged me mid morning. Probably in between swimming a few miles down the river Trent and cycling back home, drying off in the slipstream.
BBQ is ready to go, see you all at 1
I could have objected to the assumption we were free, but I didn’t have the energy for comedy that morning. I took a nosy at Nicky’s social media to confirm she’d been out with Theo’s family on another adventure – sunrise kayaking, this time – which meant that they’d be at the barbecue, usually an automatic no for me.
I had a decent excuse to say no, for once. I had to buy more food – an extraordinary amount, if Toby carried on like this – and sort a more suitable spare bed than my woeful sofa.
On the other hand, Finn and Isla would love to see their auntie and uncle, and mass of extended family. They might even stop squabbling. If Isla got upset, we could always come home…
I sent a message back.
Can I bring a baby?
Nicky replied with a string of shocked and happy emojis.
Have you got me a baby as a present? Perfect gift but I’m not sure it’s legal…
Toby was fine with us taking baby Hazel off his hands for a few hours. I spoke to his mum, and she agreed that if he walked round to pack up the rest of his and Hazel’s things, then she’d drop them back in her car. There was still nothing from Courtney, and when Toby tried her friends, they ignored him.
‘Probably all still asleep,’ he said, trying not to sound as disheartened as he must have felt. ‘I mean, she can’t ignore me forever.’ He tugged at his curls. ‘Well. She can. But she can’t ignore her daughter. Can she?’
I patted his shoulder. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d seen a teenage mother run away, leaving her baby behind. Far more often, they took the baby with them, but Courtney had been dissociating herself for a while.
‘I’ll speak to her social worker tomorrow. They’ll do what they can to find her.’
‘They won’t try to take Hazel off me, will they?’ Toby asked, his face turning ashen.
‘Are you on the birth certificate?’
