‘That’s my name now. I mean, only Ellis and Billy call me Joe, but she filled the form in. Joe King didn’t really work, and, well, I changed my surname a while back. You know, a fresh start.’
‘Did you know it was me?’
He shook his head, a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth as he seemed to release his breath for the first time since I’d approached. ‘Of course. I mean, you look exactly the same.’
‘No, did you know before you got here?’
‘Oh. No.’ He shook his head. ‘Your name has changed, too.’
I’d kept my married name, Donahue, because I wanted the same name as my children. The Bloomers website also had me down as Liz, which Brayden used to call me and I’d still been using in a professional capacity until a couple of years ago.
‘I’m glad, though.’ His gaze was so intent, shivers skittered across my skin. ‘I might have thought twice about coming if I’d known. But this is exactly what Ellis needs. And, well.’ He paused, blew out a slow sigh. ‘It’s good to see you, Libby.’
‘Yes,’ was all I could manage.What the hell does that mean?I screeched inside my head.You’re agreeing that it’s good for him to see me?
It had been thirteen years since a male rendered me a gibbering wreck. No surprise that it was the same man.
‘Is it okay?’ he asked, understandably, given that I was now standing there, melting with embarrassment while still staring straight into his eyes. ‘I mean, us coming along?’
‘Yes,’ I repeated, managing to add, ‘Of course, it’s not a problem,’ to clarify that I wasn’t just a Libby android stuck on my yes function. ‘It’s really great to see you both. Although, I’m sorry Ellis has had such a rough time of it. But you, you’re…’
He grinned, breaking eye contact for the first time as he rubbed a hand self-consciously through neatly cropped hair. ‘Still alive.’
‘I guess they still need you.’ In his darkest moments, Jonah had repeatedly said he was only staying alive because his brother and sister needed him.
He pulled a wry face. ‘More than ever, as it happens.’
‘Well, Ellis is waiting. I won’t keep you.’ I turned to wave feebly at where she was standing in the doorway, simmering like a kettle about to boil.
‘I’ll drop her off on Monday, then?’
‘Yes.’
‘See you then.’
‘Yes.’Oh, for goodness’ sake!
Before I could think of anything more intelligent to say, he’d gone.
There was no way that Nicky was rushing off now. She thrummed with impatience while we packed up, and after checking that the kids were both asleep, I found her on the sofa, two glasses of wine poured, despite it being nearly ten o’clock.
‘Jonah!’ She gasped. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her so skittish. Her violet hair was sticking up in clumps as if she’d been tugging at it. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t recognise him.’
‘It has been a while. Shorter hair, different context and all that.’
‘Youknew straight away.’
‘I actually saw him earlier, standing on the other side of the Green House garden, and, after thinking it might be him, dismissed it. So maybe my brain was more prepared.’
That, and the fact that he’d been hovering on the edge of my consciousness for aeons.
‘How do you feel?’ She took a sip of wine, watching me carefully.
I took a long, slow breath while I tried to wade through all the churning emotions, figure out which were worth acknowledging.
‘I’m not sure yet. I feel… relieved that he’s doing okay. I’ve been carrying the guilt about what happened for so long now.’ I stopped, swallowing back the ache in my throat, shocked by how powerfully that confession still affected me.
‘It was a rough time for you, though. Your first heartbreak. All the knock-on effects with Mum and Dad, your exams. It must be hard, having those memories ambush you like that.’
