A couple of hours after we arrived at the maternity unit, a midwife came to let Jonah know that his nephew had been born via caesarean section. He was tiny, and they would need to keep a close watch on him, but his vital signs were good and it looked as though he would be okay.
‘Can I see my sister?’
‘It’s fathers only at this time of night. We might make an exception for your mother, given Ellis’s age, but we have the other mums to think about. Their sleep is precious.’
‘Please. I just need to see her.’
The midwife took in his dishevelled clothes, grey complexion and distraught face and deduced that this was no ordinary brother-sister relationship.
‘Let me check with Matron once she’s settled on the ward. It’ll be a while, though. I’d suggest you get some rest then come back in visiting hours.’
Jonah adjusted his position on the plastic waiting-room chair, as if to confirm that he’d not be going anywhere except for upstairs to the postnatal ward.
‘You don’t have to stay,’ he said, once we were alone in the waiting room again.
I answered that by taking hold of his hand.
‘She told me that she didn’t mean it,’ Jonah said softly, just as my eyes were drifting shut a while later. ‘About you and me. She knows it was as much my fault as yours.’ He stopped, bumping my leg with our clasped hands before I could argue.
‘Saying it was someone’s fault makes it sound like it was wrong. Something we should regret.’
‘Don’t you regret it? How we hurt your family?’
I sighed. ‘If we’d never had that time, we’d be brother and sister now. If we’d not been caught, you’d have ended up in a horrible hovel with no Green House to save you. So, I guess any regrets I might have will depend on what we end up deciding to do now.’
He released a slow sigh, keeping his gaze on the door straight in front of us, leading to the postnatal ward stairs.
‘Libby, I hope it’s obvious that I’ve already decided what I want. I really, really tried to regret acting on my feelings for you, but those two days are still the best of my life. I can’t tell you how it made me feel, loving you and knowing that you loved me, too. I’d do anything to have that back.’
I turned to him, my throat swelling with sympathy. ‘You’ve spent the last few hours thinking your sister and her baby might die. Now isn’t the time to decide anything.’
He shook his head, frowning. ‘I decided the moment you walked into that antenatal class. I already told you my feelings have only grown stronger since then.’
‘But you said you wanted to postpone our date indefinitely.’
‘No, Libby. You said that.’ His face softened. ‘You were clear, you have children now. You’re finally beginning to repair your relationship with your mum. I’ve already ruined things once.I’ll not do anything that you think could risk jeopardising your family again.’
‘I didn’t want to jeopardise anything with you and Ellis afterIruined things!’
‘But now we’ve agreed, once and for all, that we’ve no regrets about what happened. Nothing got so broken it can’t be mended. We have no reason to let the past control what happens next.’
He looked at me, and I felt sixteen again.
At the same time, I felt every one of the years that had passed since. Thirteen years of lessons learned, wisdom earned, tears and smiles, victories and tragedies. I was a woman now, beginning to know who she was, how much she was worth, what she wanted and what it would take to get it.
The truth was I had decided that thirteen years ago, too.
I would have told him in the quiet of an empty waiting room at 3a.m. except that the midwife came back and ushered us upstairs.
Of course, seeing him perched on a hospital bed, cradling his newborn nephew with utter rapture on his face, too overcome to speak as he kissed his sister on her forehead, I only wanted him more.
I did have the grace and good sense to wait until we were on our way back to the cottage before I told him.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ I said as we sped along the empty road past fields and farm buildings draped in the shadows of approaching dawn.
‘Oh?’ The car did a little wobble into the centre of the road.
‘If I’ve learned anything in life, families are complicated. As long as people are involved, there’s going to be a mess at some point. My family is crammed with issues and overdue conversations and randomers inviting themselves to live with us. I am also, to put it mildly, a work in progress. I didn’t thinkI was ready for a relationship. I couldn’t dare to believe I was ready foryou.’
