It felt as if every drop of air suddenly vanished from the room.
‘It seemed like a miracle. Like maybe Ellis was right, and God did care after all. Because suddenly, standing underneath that massive, ridiculously over-the-top Christmas tree they’d had me help set up on the back terrace, there you were.’
‘Oh, no.’ I closed my eyes, in an attempt to soften the blow I knew was coming.
‘Holding hands,’ Jonah went on, slowly, the anguish he must have felt in every syllable, ‘with some perfect-looking, smiling, Christmas-chuffing-angel.’ He sighed. ‘Which is just as it should have been. I’d have been pleased for you if I hadn’t been too busy wrestling the urge to rip his arm off.’
‘It was our first date,’ I rasped. ‘If I’d known you were there, I’d have ditched him in a heartbeat.’
‘Yeah. Like I’d offer you a mess like me over someone like him.’
‘I was seventeen. The chances were it wouldn’t have lasted. What about when things started to get better for you?’
‘I saw you again. Two years later. It was Christmas again, and I’d been thinking about you more than usual, so I had to catch myself when you walked into the Charis House Christmas Spectacular.’
The school where Jonah now worked held an infamous talent show every Boxing Day. A few children living with us had performed there over the years, so we all went to cheer them on. I guessed Jonah had been doing the same for children from the Green House. If he’d been on stage, I’d have noticed. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed him anyway.
‘You were with him again. Showing off your ring. Talking about your midwifery course. I made sure you didn’t see me.’
I wanted to say that it still wouldn’t have been too late. I’d have picked Jonah over Brayden on the morning of my wedding. But who knew what I’d have done back then, when for a brief chapter I’d felt as if I’d finally started to atone for the mess I’d made?
‘I was happy for you, honestly.’
‘You could have come and said hi anyway. We might have ended up friends.’
He looked up from the bottle. ‘I couldn’t ever be friends with you, Libby. I told you how I feel.’
‘So what’s this, then?’
‘This is me trying to convince you to give me another shot.’
He waited for me to look at him.
‘This is me telling you that you were right. It was real. I wouldn’t have believed it was possible to love you more than I did back then.’ He shook his head in amazement. ‘I love you more every time we speak. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met.’
‘I’m really not,’ I said, laughing through my tears. ‘Honestly, I’ve been mostly a total flop since Brayden left. A neurotic mum, lousy sister. My dad is my only real friend.’
‘An amazing antenatal teacher, businesswoman and creator of a successful charity? Unofficial big sister to dozens of Bloomers, auntie to their babies and not to mention stand-in mum to one very lucky young man and his daughter? Who still has time to renovate her house and go on eight-mile hikes on her days off. I heard you won your team the tiebreaker at the pub quiz.’
I pressed my fingers into my hair, knocking the headband sideways, befuddled by this turn in conversation. ‘Yeah, well. Things have been improving since… well, now that I think about it, since you showed up again.’
‘Does that mean you’re ready to go on a proper date with me?’
If he kept smiling at me like that, I’d be ready to do pretty much anything.
‘Didn’t you have some questions for me before we talk about that?’
He nodded. ‘I also have an eye-wateringly expensive chocolate tart I picked up from Hatherstone Hall Farm Shop.’
‘The one with a pistachio crumb?’
‘Or there’s a tub of their home-made ice cream.’
‘Okay. I thought you hadn’t changed that much, but now you’re asking me to choose between chocolate tart and ice cream and I don’t know who you are any more.’
‘Chocolate tartandice cream coming right up.’
‘Throw in a decaf coffee and I’ll answer anything.’
