‘Yes. I’m sure. And I’m going to tell him. About Mum and, well, everything else. If that’s okay with you.’
‘You haven’t told him yet?’ Sam frowned, looking over at April.
‘I know, I’ve got issues.’
‘Haven’t we all?’ He smiled suddenly, and the sight of it banished the shadows. ‘It would be an honour to give you away, little sister. Perry can take his share of your issues. April and I’ll come round for fancy dinner parties, where I will charm all your new hoity-toity friends with my brooding artistic personality, and April will stun them with her dazzling wit.’
‘I love you, Sam.’
He stood up, leaning over to wrap his long arms around me. ‘Yeah, yeah. Now how about you go and find a coffee so I can talk to April without you hovering over us?’
May’s marriage preparation class would be the final one. I messaged Perry, now home, earlier in the day to let him know I would make my own way there. I had tentatively resumed walking, at least in daylight. Partly in an attempt to convince myself Gwynne was right about Kane. Partly because I couldn’t afford the cost of taxis or hassle of rural public transport. Partly because I needed the independence, and pounding out those miles felt like the only way I would hold on to my mind.
For the whole of the first half of the class, I kept my eye on the door, waiting for Perry to show. It was slightly awkward, as we were meant to be doing couple work about positive communication. During the break, I tried to shrug it off with half-hearted excuses, no doubt leaving the rest of the groupwondering how I could bear the shame of my lousy fiancé. I texted said fiancé.
Where are you?
Work.
It’s Tuesday! Marriage prep. Last one! You promised to be here.
There was a three-minute wait before my phone whistled a reply.
Sorry. Forgot. I’ll be done in half an hour.
I hurried out into the foyer and phoned him.
‘Sorry! Sorry, sorry. I’ve just got to wrap this contract up. I’ll be there in an hour, tops.’
‘It’ll be finished in an hour. You promised you’d be here.’
‘I know, I really am sorry. How about I pick you up and we can do the questions at mine? I’ll order some food. Light candles. Put on some music. I’d prefer to spend our first evening together in two weeks alone, not in a crowded church hall.’
‘We have to attend the course if we’re going to get married here, Perry. You know that. This could mess up our plans.’ I leaned against a radiator and closed my eyes.
‘Your plans.’
‘What?’ I stood up again.
‘That church is your plan, not mine. I’ve contributed no plans to this wedding whatsoever. Just the money. Which I earn by staying late some nights and getting three point four million pound contracts done. I’m sorry if I don’t have time at this exact moment to talk about which one of us should empty the bin, discuss our non-existent sex life or what makes you feel loved.I’ll see you later.’ He hung up. Stung, and slightly shocked, I said into the phone, ‘Actually, I feel loved if you turn up when you say you will and follow through on your promises. Maybe instead, we can discuss whether this whole marriage thing is a great big, expensive mistake.’
Jamming my phone back into my bag, I glanced up to see Dylan standing a couple of metres away from me, head down, hands in his jean pockets.
Crackling with humiliation, I hurried past him, in the direction of the toilets. As I reached his shoulder, he lifted his head and looked right at me. His eyes were like I’d never seen before. As though a storm raged in their depths.
I locked myself in the ladies’ room, squeezed my eyes shut tight, and kicked the toilet a few times, bruising my toe on the porcelain.
‘Right, Faith. Pull yourself together. It’s a spat. Every couple has them. You’ve been in way more humiliating situations than this in the past few months. Who cares what Dylan thinks?’
I took a deep breath, checked my flies were done up, poked my head around the door to make sure Dylan had gone, and marched back to the marriage course, dialling it back to a breezy saunter once inside the room.
‘Right.’ Zoe, the lovely course leader, smiled. ‘I’m pleased to welcome Dylan, who you’ve all met, to the final part of our course.’
Right, of course Dylan was here. Where else would he be?
‘In a few minutes, Dylan’s going to run through some of the practicalities of your wedding day, and give you the chance to ask any questions. But before that, we have a final exercise to round off the course. Are you all sitting nice and close to your partners?’
Of course the in-love, blissful, happy couples who kept their promises and turned up when they said they would were sattogether, as close as they could get away with, considering we were in the house of God.
