‘And what about Kim?’ Rowan asked. ‘She’s been gone for, like, an hour and a half now. What if she’s lost? What if her phone ran out and she hasn’t got any light, so she’s stumblingabout in the rain, freezing to death and going round in circles all delirious?’
‘Perhaps the dangerous villain will kidnap her!’ Janice added.
‘Ooh, I quite like the sound of that,’ Millie said. ‘Is he a handsome villain? One who turned villainous because of circumstances beyond his control, but is really an honourable rogue underneath?’
‘The dangerous villains back in my home were not like that.’ Rosa wagged her head. ‘Nuh uh. If they caught a beautiful young woman wandering in the woods, they would not have honourable plans in their mind.’
‘I don’t think there are any types of villain out there. Honourable or otherwise,’ I said, trying to bring the conversation back to reality. Trying to ignore the fact that a dangerous villain might be wandering around looking for me.
‘She could have fallen in a ditch! Or an abandoned well. Or been caught in an animal trap,’ Rowan said, enjoying the drama. ‘When people get hypothermia, they think they’re really hot and take off all their clothes.’
‘We’ve got to go and find her!’ Rowan cried. ‘We can’t let herdieout there!’
April burst into tears, swiftly followed by Nancy, who had been woken up by Rowan shouting.
The rain pelted the roof. Shadows danced and jerked as the wind buffeted the badly pegged canvas. The group began to argue about who would brave venturing outside to search for Kim’s naked, icy body.
‘I don’t mind finding her if it’s natural causes,’ Millie said, stoutly. ‘But if the villain has stabbed her to death, or garrotted her with an ivy branch’ – she shuddered – ‘I’m not sure my constitution could take it.’
‘What about me?’ Leona said. ‘I’ve got high blood pressure. Something like that could finish me off.’
‘That’s if the villain doesn’t,’ Rowan added.
‘Stop it!’ I tried to stand up, forgetting I was in a tent and whacking my head into the roof, causing the whole structure to wobble unnervingly. ‘There is no villain!’
‘You don’t know that,’ Janice sniffed.
‘Why would there be a villain creeping about in the middle of Sherwood Forest in the pouring rain?’
‘No need to get shirty.’
‘You’re being ridiculous. We have eight torches on. We’re the only light for miles. Kim couldn’t miss us if she tried. She’s phoned Scotty and gone home. It was ridiculous to think she would last more than a couple of hours out here. Right now, she’s probably up to her neck in a bubble bath, sipping a glass of wine. Can we please focus on what’s important?’
Everyone looked at me.
‘When’s Hester coming back, what on earth is she preparing out there, and what are we eating? And can somebody please come up with some way to make a cup of tea?’ I sat back down again, steam rising from my all-weather anorak.
‘There’s a gas camping stove in the boot of my car,’ Hester replied from outside the tent, causing April and Ebony to squeal in fright. We set about heating beans on one side and hot dogs on the other. After a short, sharp discussion, it was agreed we would be using bottled, not rain water, in our tea.
Halfway through my hot dog, Marilyn shuffled around to my side of the tent and whispered in my ear. ‘I need to find the blackberry bushes.’
‘Right.’ I took another delicious mouthful, wondering if the whole point of camping was its ability to transform sausages of highly questionable meat content and cheap white bread into heavenly manna.
‘You’re coming with me.’
‘Wrong.’
‘Faith! I gave birth to twins last year. My pelvic floor doesn’t have time to argue. Have you seen Pete’s head?’
‘Enough!’ I hissed. ‘That is too much information, Marilyn. I’ll come if it means you stop talking about that stuff!’
I crammed in the rest of the hot dog, snagged a torch and squeezed out of the tent behind Marilyn. After a few moments fumbling about, we orientated ourselves in what we hoped was the right direction.
The rain, which had eased off to a drizzle, barely penetrated the canopy of trees once we entered the woods.
However, two paces into the treeline, we hit the darkness. The land of darkness that makes our normal, urban, lamppost aplenty darkness seem like the middle of a summer’s day. This was a thick, oozing black that reduced the thin beam of torchlight to a feeble tendril. Marilyn grabbed my arm and we crept through the woods, jumping when our feet snapped twigs with a loud crack, letting out involuntary squeaks as we heard a rustle to one side, followed by what sounded like the call of a night bird. Or the manic giggle of a villain.
‘Has it been fifty paces?’ Marilyn whispered.
