I said nothing. I could be ‘set up’ with Anton, Larissa’s brutal personal trainer to lose pretend weight I hadn’t even put on, so I could squeeze into the ruined Ghost Web and feature inNottinghamshire Life? Or alternatively, I could conjure up some personal power and tell Larissa where to stick it.
I swallowed, hard. ‘Thank you, Larissa. I’ll think about it.’
‘There’s nothing to think about. Nobody wants a fat bride. Especially Perry. Now, could you please call him to come and pick me up? It’s going to be a nightmare trying to find something blue that doesn’t make me look like I’m old enough to be a grandmother. But what do I matter? I am just the mother of the groom!’
As soon as she left, I ran upstairs and brought the Ghost Web to show Rosa.
‘Can you mend it?’
‘No!’
‘Oh. Maybe if I took it to an alterations place, they could do something?’
‘No, no, no! Of course I have the skills to mend it. I could make this dress look as if it never happened.’ She started packing her sewing equipment away.
‘But you said you can’t mend it.’
‘That’s right.’
‘But you can mend it?’ I squinted at her, confused.
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t understand. Are you going to mend it or not?’
‘Wait for one moment.’ Rosa took out her Bulgarian/English dictionary and did some flicking about. ‘Here we are. Technically, I can mend it. No problem, easy peasy lemon is squeezing.’ She flicked some more. ‘Morally, I cannot.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I am an artist! A professional! The best Bulgarian seamstress in UK! I will not repair that terrible, ugly, horrible dress. It does not fit you, Faith. It is made for woman of no boobs and no behind and no tasteful. How can you think of wearing’ – she picked up a fold of the dress between one forefinger and thumb as if it was covered in slime – ‘this? On your wedding day!’
‘It’s only a dress. Please, Rosa. Even if I don’t wear it, I can’t give it back to Larissa like this. Can’t you do something?’
Rosa thought for a few minutes, pacing up and down my tiny living room, tapping a pencil against her forehead. Eventually, she stopped.
‘Okay. You doing me big, big favour, buy me machine and all these other things. Trust me to make dresses for your wedding. It breaks my heart, but I will do this: mend horrible dress, alter to fit. Also make you dress I design, free of charge. Then you can choose what dress you want.’
‘Yessss!’ Marilyn fist-pumped the air.
‘Okay.’ I am not usually a hopeful woman. I think that’s understandable, all things considered. Yet the glimpse of optimism scampering across my peripheral vision wore ivory antique lace and a flower in her hair. There were nine months until my wedding. Larissa could change her mind, or get run over by an HCC golf cart. I could keep on singing, breathing out my fear and sucking in personal power until I told Larissa what she could do with her Ghost Web. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldfind a way to be an Upperton wife and still be me. Once I figured out who that was, of course.
10
Gwynne took a week to call me, but she did with a reassurance that Kane was living in a house for ex-prisoners in Merseyside, working part time and keeping his head down. He would be on probation for the rest of his life, and if he broke that – including missing any meetings or doing something that would land him back in prison – his offender manager would keep her informed.
I was not reassured. In my memory, Kane remained a monster, fuelled by hate, envy and the need to dominate. How could eighteen years locked up in a high-security prison have lessened that? But living looking over my shoulder, jumping at shadows, and wasting away with the ‘what ifs’ proved too exhausting to sustain. We knew he would come. Now, at least we should have some warning.
November meandered along frosty footpaths into the twinkly lights of December. Choir rehearsals intensified as Hester attempted to ready us for the debut performance at the Grace Chapel Christmas carol service. April, still hunting for work,allowed me to bring her along. Given that she seemed to be sticking with Sam for now, I thought he could probably benefit from his girlfriend finding some personal power.
Hester expressed her irritation at a newcomer showing up so close to the big night.
‘You can stay, but if you aren’t ready, you won’t sing at the carol service.’
April shrugged. ‘Okay.’
‘Now, repeat after me.’
A clear soprano, I introduced her to some of the others at coffee time. She struck up a conversation with Rowan.
