A minute later, I heard the sound of the lock unclicking and the door opening as the somebody entered my house. I tugged the duvet up over my head and tried to ignore them.
There was a louder knock. My bedroom door. I had a second to regret not wedging a chair under the handle before the door swung open, footsteps crossed to my bed, and came to a stop beside my head.
‘Faith.’
I groaned.
‘Don’t groan. I’m not here to ask how you are. Or try to cheer you up. But I’m not going away until I’ve looked you in the eye.’
I groaned again, flipping off the duvet. It was suffocating under there, anyway. I squinted at Hester in the afternoon sunshine poking round the edge of my curtains.
She squinted back at me for a few seconds before nodding firmly.
I mumbled a rude word, edging the covers back up in anticipation of what was coming.
‘Right. Up you get, then. Rehearsal is in forty minutes and you know how I feel about lateness.’
‘Ungh.’ I let my hand flop back onto the mattress beside me.
‘Come on, girl. We know how this is going to end. Spare us both some pain.’
‘I can’t.’ I moved my head a couple of inches to look at her, so she knew I meant it.
‘Hmm. I don’t like that word. It makes my scalp itch.’
‘All right. I don’t want to.’
‘Why?’ She sat down on the end of the bed, the gesture so tender from one so steely, it knocked the grey off balance.
‘You know why. Those songs. The way we sing them. I can’t feel that now. It’d kill me.’
She twitched her shoulders. ‘Bah. You’ve got to feel it sometime. Makes no difference to how much it’ll hurt when you do. Come and face those feelings with your friends. Start the process.’
‘That’s not the only reason.’
‘I know it isn’t. I want you to talk to me about the other reason.’
‘I can’t see him, Hester.’ I closed my eyes.
‘That word again.’ She lowered one eyebrow at me.
‘I don’t want to see him.’
‘Well, you might as well get up and put some clean clothes on then. Dylan’s on leave.’
I slowly pulled on some jeans and a short-sleeved top and accepted the cup of coffee Hester brewed. I even managed to swallow half a sandwich while she brushed my hair, an act so gentle, it dissolved a dangerous amount of numbness in the process.
Once we reached Brooksby, we took a sharp right turn onto a side street instead of heading to the chapel.
‘Where are we going?’
‘Here.’ She pulled to a stop outside a modern, semi-detached house, beeping the horn a couple of times before climbing out and walking round towards the pebbled driveway. As she approached, the front door opened and April gingerly stepped out. Hester offered her arm, helping her take slow, careful steps to the car.
I leaned my head against the seat rest and tried to burrow myself back into oblivion.
‘Hi, Faith.’ April manoeuvred herself into the back seat and promptly burst into tears. ‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Me, too.’ I reached around and patted her knee.
