At least she wouldn’t have time to feel lonely.
The following Wednesday afternoon, we headed back to Grace Chapel. I’d put my fantasy wedding plans on hold for the week, but this seemed as good an excuse as any to meet with the minister. Assuming, of course, he showed up this time.
We arrived just as the rehearsal started. Hester gave me an unsmiling nod as I slid in beside the other altos. When Marilyn, who had lingered in the corridor to message her sister, sauntered in after me, the choir director’s eyebrow twitched. Translate: gobsmacked.
‘Good afternoon, Marilyn. I didn’t expect to see you here.’
‘Well, it’s a wonderful surprise then, isn’t it?’ Marilyn waved at everybody.
‘This is a serious choir rehearsal. Last week’s open day was a one-off. We don’t allow just anyone to sit in.’
‘Lucky I’m not just anyone.’
‘Please don’t make this difficult.’
Marilyn sighed. ‘All right. I’ll go. As long as the choir agree.’
Hester tutted. ‘Well, I can’t think why they would object.’
Marilyn opened up the canvas bag in her hand and took out a tin. Removing the lid, she released the warm, sugary, cinnamon smell of freshly baked apple loaf. Several pairs of eyes darted to the serving hatch, where a plate of plain biscuits sat forlornly on the counter.
Hester pulled her spine even tauter, flaring her nostrils. It was high noon at the O.K. Corral, formidable personality versus homemade cake. Rowan was the first to speak up. ‘Let her stay, Hester. Apple cake’s one of my favourites.’
‘It does smell pretty good,’ one of the women, Uzma, said.
‘I chipped a tooth on one of them biscuits a couple of weeks ago,’ an older lady in the soprano section called out. ‘Look.’ She opened her mouth wide and pointed into it. ‘Can you see it, Millie? There, at the back, next to the gold filling.’
‘I can’t see it, Janice.’ Millie, who walked with two sticks and wore a bobble hat even though it was one of the hottest Septembers on record, peered in.
‘There, look.’ Janice’s words were muffled by her finger, pointing out the hole.
‘Ooh, I see it. Right in the middle of your molar. That’s a biggie, Janice. You should sue for compensation.’
‘No! Not there. A chocolate peanut from the Vicky Centre market did that one. You know, that stall with the man who wears the monkey T-shirt. It used to sell peanut brittle, but then that dog from the?—’
‘Ladies!’
Janice and Millie snapped to attention.
‘There is no time to discuss this any further. We are already four minutes late. Put the tin in the kitchen and sit down quietly at the back. We shall take a vote at coffee time.’
‘Probably a good idea,’ Melody, whom I had sat next to last week, whispered in her lilting Jamaican accent, loud enough for everyone to hear. ‘We can see if it’s any good before we vote.’
Hester gave another nod, at the same time making a tiny circling gesture with her hands. Everybody stood up.
‘Eyes closed!’ We closed our eyes, including Marilyn. Then, for the next section of the rehearsal, we did no singing at all.
Accompanied by the soft notes of a violin wafting out from a music player, Hester began to talk. She first told us to take a few deep breaths in and slowly release them, then listen to our bodies.
‘What is it telling you today? Is it overworked, exhausted? Uptight and crunched up? Hurting? Weighed down? Sluggish? Does your body feel loved? Vibrant? Breathe in some love for yourself, ladies. Sigh out that tension. Out, out, ooouuut! Release the troubles and the to-do list. Breathe in strength! Let go of your fear. Blow out all that anxiety and angst. Blow it out! That’s it, keep blowing.’
About halfway through, as we sighed out all the things we didn’t want to have, and be, and breathed in the stuff we wished we did, I felt an overwhelming urge to laugh. What on earth was I doing here, surrounded by strangers, with my eyes closed, ‘blowing out disappointment’? I didn’t need this. Fine, my life had some issues. But I coped with them pretty well. And how could I be disappointed when I had never expected life to be anything but hard?
Then, suddenly, I felt two warm hands on my shoulders, and realised the choking, hiccupping sobbing was from me. Big, fat,snotty sobs. Like the dam of tears just broke where the leak had formed a week earlier in the wedding shop. I didn’t even know why, or where it came from. Melody held me, whispering words of comfort as she rocked me back and forth and stroked my hair. By the time I’d finished, wiped my face and blown my nose a couple of times, the rest of the choir had moved on to vocal warm-ups, la-ing up and down the scale.
Melody patted my arm. ‘How do you feel?’
Strange question to ask a woman who had spent the last ten minutes howling. I felt self-conscious, bewildered and worn out. But not as much as I expected. Mostly, I felt sort of clean.
