‘Okay, so when is this party?’ I asked, clinging to the fact that Arthur had said it wouldn’t be any time soon.
‘Like I said, there’s a lot to do so I’m not rushing it, despite the torment of having to wait. I’ve booked the Barn for Sunday, 17 July. Everyone I know will be invited, but you need to keep it quiet. She thinks it’s just going to be a normal Sunday picnic.’
I could feel the blood draining into my feet. Isaac, the git, was still grinning. Elliot, on the other hand, had done no more than twitch one eyebrow during this whole conversation.
‘That’s two months away.’
‘Correctamundo, Jessica.’
‘You’ve been going out for two weeks.’
‘Your point being?’
I took a couple of slow, steadying breaths. ‘Arthur, I know that you’ve decided Elsa is the one for you, and she seems to like you back, which is great.’
‘Love,’ Arthur interrupted. ‘Shelovesme back.’
‘Has she told you that?’
‘She doesn’t need to,’ he huffed.
‘Okay, well however you both feel, if you’re going to do something as huge as proposing, the first time you’ve even met her family, then at the very least do it in private so that she can give you an honest answer without feeling any pressure. It’ll be awful for both of you if the answer isn’t yes.’
Once again, Arthur shook his head at my foolishness. ‘She’s going to say yes. That’ll be her honest answer. Why would there be any pressure?’
‘Arthur, you’ve known her a couple of months! You’ll have been dating for…’
‘Ten weeks,’ Elliot said, causing me to jerk my head in surprise.
‘I’m not saying that she’ll give you a straight-out no.’ I tried to make my exasperation sound more like friendly concern. ‘But she might want some time to think about it. It’s a bit of a bolt from the blue. And it’ll be much easier and less awkward all round if you give her a chance to say that away from your family and friends.’
‘So what you’re saying is that I should ask her first, before the party?’ Arthur screwed up his face. ‘I hate that idea.’
‘What I’m strongly advising, as your relationship coach, who’s been 100 per cent successful so far, is that you enjoy the picnic, and then think about proposing once Elsa’s family have had a chance to get to know you. It’s a lot to ask for their blessing when you’ve only just met.’
‘Yes, but Elsa’s told them all about me. She tells her mum everything.’
‘What if they don’t give their blessing? If they ask you to wait?’
‘That’s a completely pointless question.’ Arthur was growing more belligerent the longer this conversation went on. ‘Elsa’s family wouldn’t stand in the way of her happiness!’
‘Isaac, Elliot?’ I asked, desperate for some backup. ‘What do you think?’
Isaac shrugged. ‘I’m hardly an expert, here. I’ve no idea what Connie thinks about me. But I do know it took me about three seconds to be sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I say go for it, if that’s what your heart’s telling you. What’s the worst that can happen?’
‘Um, he humiliates his girlfriend, and himself, in front of all their friends and family, irreparably damaging their relationship? She freaks out and breaks up with him because she thinks he’s being reckless about something so important, which is a massive red flag? Arthur loses the woman he loves and spends the rest of his life alone, mourning her?’
‘I agree with Isaac.’ Elliot glanced up from under his brow. ‘Arthur, it’s your life. Only you know how you feel. Don’t let anyone’ – his eyes flashed at me for a nanosecond – ‘convince you to do something that you know in your gut isn’t right for you. You’ll only regret it.’ He stood up and dumped his mug in the sink, Penny crawling out from under the table to join him. ‘If we’re done here, I’m going for a run.’
* * *
‘He doesn’t mean it,’ Isaac said, with uncharacteristic sympathy once Elliot had disappeared out the back door.
‘You think?’ Prior to this meeting, I’d seen Elliot once since we’d driven home from the match in silence, and that was only as I’d entered the kitchen and he’d immediately walked out. He’d forfeited the final round of Chimney Cup darts against Arthur on Saturday evening, and skipped the Sunday picnic.
A full report would be made to both Houghton Harriers Football Club, the youth league that the teams belonged to, as well as being gossiped about to everyone who knew anyone who’d been there. Which meant by Sunday the whole village knew that either Elliot was a hero who’d defended his team with valour, or a liability who’d brought disgrace to the club and the village.
Initially the Rangers manager had threatened to press charges for assault on both Elliot and Russell, but when multiple witnesses pointed out that they’d seen him squeezing both hands around Russell’s neck, as well as heard him call a team of young boys the kind of word that meant instant disqualification from the league, he settled for a torrent of yet more abusive language and booting the Harriers’ lucky ball, signed by various Nottingham Forest players, over the hedge.
