‘Okay.’ Elliot nodded thoughtfully. ‘Do you have time to tell me what the main layer is? If you want to, of course. I won’t be offended if it’s none of my business.’
‘Oh no!’ I glanced at the clock on the wall. One forty-five. Fifteen minutes into group two’s baking time. I tugged my phone out of my pocket; there were two messages from Mum.
Ceasefire holding for now. Dad’s in the kitchen keeping an eye. Make yourself and Elliot a drink and take as long as you need.
And don’t worry – I’ve saved you samples of the best round one entries!
I thought about Elliot’s offer while making us both tea. Did I want to tell him the main reason I was so emotional? I decided that I did. For different reasons. Some of them better off not thinking about right then.
‘I had a call with Seb last night,’ I said, handing him a mug.
He squinted one eye at me in apology.
‘My boyfriend.’ I stopped, as the memory of the conversation we’d had caused my throat to clench up. ‘Well, I think he’s still my boyfriend.’
‘What happened?’
I took a sip of tea, pausing to appreciate the soothing warmth. ‘It was supposed to be a video date. We’d agreed to eat together, dress up, have a decent conversation. It’s been days since a proper call so I was really looking forward to it.’ I blew out a long sigh. ‘When he answered his phone, he was in a bar. There was a man and a woman with him. He’d clearly forgotten, although he pretended he hadn’t. He was also drunk. I know it’s later there, and it was his day off, but he could at least have waited for us to get drunk together. So there I am, in my slinky dress, with a plate of pasta and a glass of wine, and there he is, laughing with some woman in a bikini top, downing shots.’
‘Ouch.’
‘Yes. But whatreallyhurt was after he’d managed to drag himself to a table outside where he could actually hear me, he started rambling on about how hard he was finding it being away from me, and then.’ I stopped, swallowed, blinked back the sting of his words before I could repeat them. ‘He asked if I’d prefer it if we were non-exclusive. Just until he got back.’
‘Ah.’
Elliot took a gulp of his drink. I loved that he didn’t jump in with his opinion, calling Seb names or telling me how I ought to feel.
‘Given that the topic has never come up, once, since he asked if I’d like to be exclusive three years ago, I could guess what he’d prefer.’
‘Did you ask him?’
I shrugged. ‘He could tell from my reaction that he’d blindsided me, and not in a good way. He started to backtrack, saying it was just a thought and only because he felt so awful making me wait for him, but it was mostly drunken ramblings. I asked if he could call me when he was sober so we could talk properly, and he got offended. The next thing I knew, bikini woman had appeared with more drinks and he ended the call.’
‘I’m really sorry.’
We sat there for a moment, sipping our tea.
‘We’re supposed to be getting engaged once he comes back,’ I said, with a bitter laugh. ‘I knew there was a chance, of course, that we’d drift apart. Or crash and burn. But he’s always been so keen to reassure me that he loves me and is completely committed.’ My voice broke again. ‘I’m such a fool.’
‘No,’ Elliot said, leaning forwards on Dad’s chair. ‘Trusting the man who’s loved you for years doesn’t make you a fool.’ He paused. ‘Could he have said it because he genuinely thought it was the kind thing to do?’
‘Or because a half-naked, attractive woman was buying him drinks?’ I shook my head. ‘Who knows? And how can I find out, when he’s all the way over there, and I’m here, and even if he does call me back, sober and sorry, who’s to know what the truth is?’ I took a deep breath. ‘I’ve been treated like crap by a lot of men. Mostly because I’ve let them. For all sorts of reasons. I’ve learned never to trust, to believe. But Seb was different. He’s my fresh start. He’s my only hope.’ I was crying again now. ‘He’s my chance to get out of here again.’
‘To get out of here?’ Elliot sat back. I was too distraught to take much notice.
‘You’ve all paid me to do this ridiculous project, because you see me as some sort of relationship expert. I am. I’ve had more relationships than the three of you put together. More than I can count. Oh, I am an expert. In dysfunctional, destructive relationships. All of them with liars, cheats and wasters. Including one who kept a pig in his bedroom. And then theone timeI’m with a good, kind, lovely man, who wants tomarry me. Me! World class failure me! This happens.’ I stopped then, realising how self-pitying I must sound, took a couple of slow, shuddering breaths, and tried to get a grip. ‘In fact that’s not true. About it being the one time. An age ago, when I was a whole different person, a good, kind man loved me then. I’d give anything to be that Jessie again.’
Elliot reached out and took hold of my hand. ‘You are still that Jessie. I knew you then, an age ago, and you are still her, in all the best ways.’
I knew I needed to get back to the kitchen. I’d allowed my personal life to sabotage enough jobs. But once again I found it far too difficult to tear myself away from Elliot’s comforting presence.
‘It’s the same for you,’ I said, eventually, placing my empty mug on the desk.
Elliot gave me the look that had become so familiar, telling me he needed more information.
‘You said I was still the old Jessie.’ I did my best to meet his eye so he knew how much I meant this. ‘You’re still the old Elliot, too. In all the ways that matter.’
He carefully placed his mug beside mine, ducking his head before glancing up at me. ‘And that’s a good thing?’
