‘Oh. Okay. Are you going out?’
I pointed at the sticky note, which had fallen off the filter jug onto the table.
‘Right!’ He nodded a few times. ‘You’re working with Isaac today?’
‘Yes.’ A thrum of tension hovered over the table before Elliot broke into a grin.
‘And that’s why I need the notes,’ he said, as if reading a punchline, but his eyes didn’t get the joke.
‘What are your plans?’ I asked, loading our plates into the dishwasher as my heart cracked in two all over again.
‘Um, it’s Friday, so I’ll FaceTime my parents, then get ready for the Harriers match tomorrow.’ Right on cue, his phone beeped. ‘That’s my five-minute warning. If I’m late then Mum will start to panic.’
‘Okay, well, thanks for breakfast.’
‘You’re very welcome.’ Elliot looked up from his phone. This time his eyes were smiling along with the rest of his face. ‘I hope you’ll join me again. Eggs a la jam sandwich always tastes better as a shared experience. Breakfast service is at eight.’
I hesitated. The thought of a weekly breakfast with Elliot sent my panic neurones shooting in all directions like a faulty firework. The reality had been a comfortable, relaxing few minutes that I found myself genuinely wanting to repeat. But even if he’d cooked eggs a la bacteria in the multicooker, or if I’d felt hideously awkward, I’d have still said yes. I owed Elliot a lot more than a few Friday breakfasts.
‘Thank you. I’d like that.’
It was only to be expected that I’d enjoyed it, I told myself while hurrying down the lane towards the Barn. I’d really liked –loved– Elliot once. And while his injury had changed him, he was still the same person in all the ways that mattered. Of course I was going to still like him. Maybe this was going to turn out to be a good idea. Punishing myself hadn’t solved anything, as the therapist had helped me to accept. Maybe what I should do – should have been doing all along – was try making it up to Elliot instead.
I could never undo the part I’d played in what happened. I couldn’t repair the damage in Elliot’s brain, but if I did what I could to help his life be as happy as possible, then it might help both of us to get through however long it took for me to find a new place to live.
The next question was how. Apart from getting up extra early so I could be the one making the eggs, I had no idea what would make Elliot’s life better.
However, way before I’d come up with any answers, I stepped inside the Barn and was instantly sucked into a vortex of frantic activity. All other thoughts were tossed to one side as I spent the next eight hours cleaning, fetching and carrying, setting tables and trying not to tell my bossy brother boss where he could stick his candelabra.
Isaac had paired me up with Avi, who described how after coming along to his cousin’s wedding at the Barn he’d left his job as a dentist and emailed Isaac asking if he was looking for new staff. He also worked two days a week in a café, and couldn’t be happier. His parents, less so. They’d not spoken since.
‘I was here, at this eighty-thousand-pound wedding,’ he told me as we laid out sixty wine glasses on the three banqueting tables the wedding couple had requested. ‘Suffocating in all the showmanship, being introduced to all these suitable women as a dentist, and when one of them asked what I liked about my chosen career, I thought, “What can I say? I love the squeaky gloves? The drool? Breathing in other people’s breath all day? Yanking out small children’s rotting teeth while their parents promise more sweets to cheer them up?”’
He repositioned the glass I’d just put down so it lined up a millimetre more perfectly with the cutlery. ‘Dentistry was never my chosen career, it was my parents’, because they care more about appearing successful than whether their children are happy.’
He handed me a box of water glasses. ‘I watched the staff here, working hard, but smiling. The purpose of their job to give people a wonderful day, full of love and joyful memories. When I returned to the concrete surgery where I was destined to spend the next forty years, I found I couldn’t do it. I turned around and drove all the way back here from Newcastle. That was one year ago this Monday.’
‘And are you happier here, even though your family aren’t speaking to you?’
He stopped, a glass in each hand, and looked at me steadily for a long moment. ‘I can breathe here. I sing as I walk to work. I met a lovely woman who doesn’t want me just because my job can provide her with a flashy car and private schools for our children. I miss my family, of course. I call them every Sunday evening and leave a message. But yes, I am happy here. I love my jobs. I love my tiny flat beside the river. Most of all, I love being free.’
Avi was serious about loving this job. He worked until the back of his shirt was damp with sweat, combining speed with excellence. The plus side of this was me picking up a huge amount of information in a short space of time. The downside was already feeling exhausted by the time Isaac announced it was lunchtime.
I grabbed a pint glass of iced water and a panini from a platter in the kitchen, and went to join the other team members in the garden.
‘I absolutely love your centrepieces,’ one of the other operational staff said to Connie. ‘The sweet peas are gorgeous. How long did it take you to make the mini trellises?’
‘Can I remind you that we’re on a break?’ Isaac said. ‘Connie is entitled to thirty minutes without discussing work, just like the rest of us.’
As the young woman he’d reprimanded shrank back into her seat, I had to remind myself that today he was my boss, and I couldn’t tell him to stop being a jerk in front of his staff. I could give him a look that conveyed it equally as well, though.
Connie had no such qualms. ‘Thank you for attempting to protect my lunchtime, but I’m more than happy to talk about the decorations. And if I wasn’t, I’d have no problem explaining that to Gemma.’
Isaac inspected the contents of his brie and cranberry panini. ‘Maybe not, but the rest of the staff might not share your assertiveness. I’m maintaining boundaries for everyone’s sake.’
‘I think the rest of the staff are socially astute enough to pick up when someone doesn’t want to chat,’ Connie muttered.
Isaac’s cheeks had flushed. I watched in fascination.
