‘It’s one of my ongoing side-effects.’ I automatically froze in response to Elliot speaking. He was sitting diagonally opposite me at the table (they’d wanted to eat in the living room but I’d refused to balance a plate of food on my lap while wobbling on a hairy beanbag) and I’d done a reasonable job of ignoring him so far, keeping my body tilted so he stayed just outside my eyeline. His words were soft and deep, and long-buried memories rippled through my nervous system. ‘I get stuck on a topic and don’t pick up the cues that other people aren’t interested. I can’t remember day to day basics but for some reason have automatically memorised the entire Chimney Cup rule book, so it’s easy for me to talk about. I’m sorry for being rude at your welcome lunch. That was the last thing we wanted.’
‘Thank you,’ I managed to stumble out after a slightly too long silence. ‘I appreciate that none of you intended to leave me out. That was Mum’s point.’
‘So we can’t cook and we make terrible conversation,’ Isaac said. ‘Any other criticisms picked up in the two whole days you’ve spent here that you feel the need to put out there?’
I looked at the scowl darkening my twin’s face then let my gaze drift to his friend, hunched on a chair with a garish shirt buttoned up wrong. I sneaked a peek at Elliot, sitting bolt upright, his eyes darting over the table, gripping his knife and fork as if preparing to defend himself.
‘No. And I’m sorry. I’ve been really ungrateful. I’m sorry for swanning in here and being disrespectful about how you live. Compared to some of the places I’ve ended up, this is brilliant. You’re all brilliant.’ I pressed my juice glass against one cheek, hoping to ease the burning embarrassment. ‘Apart from the multicooker. That’s utterly gross and needs binning as soon as possible. Anyway, if you’ve all finished eating, I’ll wash up while you sort clause four thousand and five.’
‘Fourpointfive,’ Arthur replied.
‘I know. I was joking.’ I smiled as I started picking up plates.
‘Ah. Yes. Very good!’ He bobbed his head. ‘Four thousand and five clauses would be ludicrous! Impossible to keep track of. Suck all the fun out of it.’
Isaac and Arthur made a token gesture of clearing up. Isaac was clearly still miffed, banging and crashing about the kitchen for a few minutes before disappearing with a mumble about how he had to check on the post-wedding clear up. To my alarm, Elliot took a tea-towel out of a drawer and joined Penny, who, as soon as I started running the tap, came and sat beside me, her mouth open in an expectant grin.
‘I can show you where things go as I dry them.’
‘Oh. Okay. Thanks. I mean, you don’t have to. I’m happy to figure it out.’
‘I feel like I owe you some decent conversation.’ Elliot’s mouth flickered in what should have been a smile, if the anxiety behind his eyes hadn’t overshadowed it. ‘I hate it when that happens. Next time, please interrupt to tell me I’m being rude and boring. It helps me improve.’
‘No… I… I’m sorry for making you feel bad about it.’ More sorry than he would ever know. ‘But you only joined in the conversation with Isaac and Arthur. They don’t have any brain injury side-effects to deal with.’ I placed a dripping dish on the draining board, taking a peep to gauge whether I’d overstepped.
‘That’s true.’ To my relief, he offered a wry smile. ‘Thank goodness you’re here. Living with two mega-geeks can’t be helping me manage this particular issue.’ He opened a cupboard to show where their grand total of two serving dishes were stored. ‘It’ll be really good to have some broader conversations. For all of us. Might help Arthur get past a first date.’
I turned to him, bubbles dripping off my hand, causing Penny to sneeze. ‘Mum mentioned that. Is it as bad as she thinks?’
He shrugged, wiping a pan methodically. ‘I don’t know what she told you, but behind the bluster, Arthur is growing pretty miserable. It wasn’t such a big deal until he met… wait… hang on…’ He closed his eyes. ‘It’s from that Disney film. With the snow. The older sister… Elsa! He met Elsa.’
‘Elsa?’
‘The new curate at the church. Arthur met her at a funeral a few weeks ago and he’s decided she’s the one. That’s where we were this morning. At church. He’s not got another funeral there for a good week and he couldn’t bear to go that long without seeing her, so he begged us to be his wingmen.’
‘Wow. She must be really something.’ I had a pitiful picture in my head of Arthur sitting right in the front row, gazing unnervingly at someone trying to lead the service.
‘She’s nice. Very smiley and chatty. Energetic.’
‘Sounds like a good match for Arthur.’ I placed the final pot on the draining board and started randomly wiping down the sink and surrounding worktop. It felt wrong to walk out, but standing so close to Elliot, I needed something to do with my hands.
‘I’ve only met her twice, but she seems quite… well-adjusted. Socially intelligent.’
‘Ah.’
‘She stopped and chatted to Arthur after the service, and listened patiently to him stammer on about his latest grave hunt, but I couldn’t tell if she was doing her job, being polite or was genuinely interested in hearing about a local innkeeper who smuggled stolen art.’ Elliot put the last pot away. ‘I think he might be heading for another heartbreak.’
He put his hands in his pockets then took them out again. ‘Anyway. Um. Thanks for doing the washing up. And sorry again about lunch.’
Then he’d gone before I had time to thank him for staying to have a proper conversation, which in a bizarre twist, had left me able to breathe properly for the first time since walking in the door on Friday evening. Or, if I’m being honest, for a good while prior to that.
* * *
I went for a long walk that afternoon. For the first mile or so I stomped out some stress, head whirring and heart clenched. However, it was impossible not to end up drawn into my surroundings. Golden beams of sunlight shimmered between the trees, kissing the verdant bracken beneath. Squirrels scampered, birds chirruped and the air was so crisp and clean it couldn’t help but fill my lungs with the promise of a fresh start. I shut down the endless thoughts, shrugged off my hoodie to feel the warmth on my skin, tipped my face towards the thousands of leaves above my head and simply looked and listened for a long moment, then kept on walking, one step in front of the other, which right then seemed like the best plan I’d got for surviving the next few weeks.
Once home, I caught up on some sleep, then showered and changed into my favourite jeans and a pale-grey, cropped cardigan that matched my eyes, before video calling Seb. This consisted of ten minutes of me telling him I was fine over and over again in between him raving about how he’d done three days’ work at a music festival in Croatia. It was lovely to see him happy, but after another good cry once we’d hung up, I was more than ready to distract myself from being here, while he was there, with food.
From the sounds of heated discussion coming from the living room, I assumed the others were busy completing another round of the Chimney Cup. I added leftover bacon and tomatoes to a pot of pasta, stirring in a chunk of feta and a sprinkling of herbs, then poured the remaining wine from Friday evening into a glass. Taking my meal outside, I sat in the clean chair and ate watching the shimmering haze of evening sunshine ripple across the fields that sloped up beyond the scruffy hedge, a songbird perched on a tree in one corner keeping me company.
