* * *
At precisely 8p.m. I heard two excited barks from the back garden. Looking out the window I saw Elliot doing warm-up stretches while Penny skipped around him. Somehow unable to move away, I watched as he opened the back gate into the field beyond and joined a footpath leading towards a stretch of forest in the distance, soon picking up the pace as he jogged between the rows of bright-yellow oilseed rape flowers.
He ran like the star he should have become. Head upright, arms pumping, his whole body a symphony of grace and power.
Only if you’d been looking for it, if you’d once gazed obsessively at how he’d run before and were desperately searching for any comparison, might you have spotted the slight list to the left, the occasional wobble, the hesitancy when he hit a patch of uneven ground.
I watched until he disappeared into the shadow of the trees, my tears dripping onto the windowsill.
5
The following morning, Isaac tapped on my door just before ten.
‘Hey, Jessie, are you awake?’
‘I am now!’ It had been another rough night.
‘We’re all off out, but will be back around twelve. How about a welcome lunch, if you’re not busy?’
I spent a few seconds trying really, really hard to come up with a valid excuse for being busy, but my brain was still half asleep. ‘Okay.’
‘Fab. See you then.’
I yanked the duvet back over my head, muffling the sound of his feet thudding down the stairs.
When I emerged from another restless snooze, it was past eleven. Time for a shower and tea in a Hufflepuff mug, which was about all I could stomach right then. I’d found Penny waiting at the bottom of the stairs, and she then followed me into the back garden where four plastic chairs covered in mildew and bird droppings lined up facing an overgrown hedge. I considered retreating inside but it was a gorgeous morning, with clear skies and gentle sunshine, and I appreciated having birds and butterflies to focus on rather than all those sticky notes. By the time I’d given a chair a good wipe with kitchen roll, reheated my tea in the microwave and sat down, Penny bumping beside me at every step, it was nearly twelve.
‘He didn’t say who he meant by “we”,’ I explained, my leg jiggling nervously on the chair. ‘Is Elliot having lunch, or will he leave me and Isaac to have some twin time?’
Penny dropped her head onto my other thigh with a noisy sigh.
‘You’re right. They clearly do spend all their time together. And I know he’s a nice guy. Believe me, I know. But it’s complicated.’ I sipped my tea and gave her ear a scratch, causing her eyes to close in ecstasy. ‘That’s a fair point, though. If we’re living in the same house, I can’t avoid him forever. Might as well get it over with and see if I can cope.’
Instead of replying, Penny jumped up and scampered back inside, which I would have thought quite rude until the front door opened a moment later.
Isaac found me finishing the last of my tea and trying to pretend I wasn’t on the brink of a panic attack.
‘Okay?’ He looked far more like the old Isaac, in scruffy jeans and a T-shirt. In fact, I was fairly sure I’d given him that T-shirt on our seventeenth birthday.
‘Mmhmm.’
‘Settling in?’
‘Yep.’
‘Get up to much yesterday?’
‘You know, unpacking, sorting stuff out. I had brunch with Mum.’
‘Nice.’ He nodded a few times. ‘Are you going to join us while we cook or stay out here?’
Us.
My stomach shrivelled like a deflating balloon. But busying myself with food prep would be an easier way to do this than facing each other at the table.
‘I’ll come and help.’
I was very glad I did. For the preservation of my stomach health as much as anything.
