I hid my smile behind a forkful of risotto. Dyson ran exactly like a penguin.
‘Connie said Simon Simonson told Wilf that he’d not got the mental capability to play sport, and he was dragging down the team,’ Mum said.
‘Is there a point to this?’ Elliot asked, a sheen of perspiration on his forehead.
‘The point is that the boys are the complete opposite of being unsafe with you,’ I said, fearing that my parents might drag the point on forever, otherwise. ‘You understand them. You care about them. They don’t simply feel safe with you; they feel invincible. The one time they felt threatened and bullied –unsafe– you stood up for them, with no thought for what it might cost you.’
Elliot looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed.
‘And you giving up after one, completely understandable, incident tells them that it’s not okay to have a brain – or a body – that might not always fit within the margins that society has deemed acceptable.’ Dad kept his voice soft, but the authority behind it was clear.
‘You’re saying that if they experience a tricky situation, their hero thinks they should run away, listen to the haters,’ Mum added. ‘Isn’t that the exact opposite of what this team is all about?’
‘Never mind that they really, really enjoy it,’ I said. ‘It’s a few hours a week where they have fun with great friends and feel positive about themselves. Please don’t take that away from them.’
‘I’m not taking it away from them!’ Elliot said, but his tone wavered. ‘I’m taking me away from it, so they can keep on being a part of an amazing team.’
‘But don’t you see?’ Dad asked, his eyes crinkled with compassion. ‘Without you, this team would never be the same.’
Instinctively sensing that Elliot had heard enough, Mum moved the conversation onto other topics, including catching Isaac admiring his new clothes in a Barn mirror, and whether either of us knew if he was trying to impress anyone in particular, and how lovely the cottage had looked when she’d called in a few days ago…
Elliot remained almost silent throughout dessert and coffee, but every time I took a peek at his face, his expression remained intent, but no longer in turmoil.
I’d have bet my new bedroom on the most positive people in the world being able to change his mind, and I felt a twinge of hope that they’d succeeded.
* * *
As soon as I walked into work the next day, Mum handed me a doughnut and a mug of tea and dragged me into the empty library.
‘How are you, darling?’
‘You only saw me last night. Not that different since then.’
‘Okay.’ She leant a few inches closer towards me in her chair. ‘What I really mean is, is everything all right with you and Seb? When I asked about him, you were a bit vague.’
‘Oh, you know, we’ve not been able to spend much time together lately. He’s busy, I’m busy. Different time zones… It’s not easy.’
She studied me for a moment. ‘Okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you know I’m always here if you need to talk about it?’
She sat and watched me pretend to be confused until I gave up.
‘We had an argument. Not even an argument. A disagreement. We tried to put it behind us, but it’s not easy to move on through a laptop screen.’ I chewed on a mouthful of jam doughnut. ‘I’m starting to wonder whether it’s going to work out, to be honest.’
‘Oh, darling. I’m sorry to hear that. I know you care about him.’
She frowned at my lacklustre shrug. ‘Just make sure you don’t settle for less than you deserve. Which, if I haven’t said it enough, is someone so in love with you he can’t stop marvelling at how blessed he is to have you, and treats you accordingly.’
I took another bite as if stuffing my face would stuff back all the sorry feelings. How did Mum always know what I needed to hear, even when it hurt? ‘While my head might almost dare to believe that, my heart’s not sure yet.’ I gave her a watery smile. ‘Every day I spend back here is helping me get there, though.’
Before she could answer me, Phil, the minibus driver, poked his head in the room.
‘Sorry to bother you, ladies, but Madeline wasn’t on the wall this morning.’
‘The wall?’
Mum was instantly alert. ‘There’s a spot on her garden wall where she sits to wait for Phil every morning.’ She put her mug on a side table. ‘Did you knock?’
‘’Course.’ He grimaced, clearly worried. ‘I tried the back, looked in all the windows, but there was no sign of her. No answer when I called her phone, either.’
