Tell her the truth, turn off your phone and GO AND ENJOY YOURSELF
I sucked in an anxious breath.
I should have told her I had plans
Another split-second reply:
Have you forgotten tooth-gate?
I would neverforget tooth-gate.
Ollie, you are not going to stand someone up on V Day! I forbid you to cancel!
I jumped in and out of the shower, trying to hold back the tears that had, if I’m honest, been building for years now. Steph continued bombarding me with messages as I got ready. I didn’t bother replying that I didn’t even like Mark that much. That it was rude and cruel to leave my mother, riddled with two decades of abandonment issues, alone on Valentine’s Day. That I wouldn’t enjoy the date anyway due to stressing out about Mum’s anxious messages reproducing like mutant bacteria on my phone.
And then her last message hit me like a punch in the guts:
Keep giving in to this and the Dream List might as well die.
Dressed in flared black trousers and a pale blue halter-neck top, coppery hair curled into soft waves, my grey eyes rimmed with a smudge of eyeliner, I took a breath fit for a deep-sea dive, picked up my chunky-heeled shoes and steeled myself for impact.
* * *
Mum was ready and waiting for my footsteps on the stairs. As soon as I entered the dining room she hurried in, bearing two plates, piled high. A platter of samosas and bhajis was already on the table.
‘Well, don’t you look gorgeous! Almost a shame you haven’t got a date tonight.’
‘Well, actually, Mum, I have.’ To avoid me backing out as soon as I saw her, I’d messaged Mark to say that a family emergency had come up, and I would be half an hour late, but I was definitely coming.
‘What?’ Mum’s face crumpled in confusion. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘A friend from work invited me to go for a drink with him later on. I’ll stay and eat with you first, then head off.’ Not entirely true, and my lie would require eating two meals in one evening, but that was the least of my worries.
‘You’re going to leave me. On my own. After I’ve done all this for you?’ The smile was gone, her face mottled with crimson.
‘No, I said I’m going to eat with you, and then pop out afterwards. If you’d checked first, I’d have told you I had plans.’
‘If I’d checked first?’ She pressed a trembling hand to her chest. ‘It never crossed my mind that you’d not tell me if you had a date. I didn’t even know you were interested in anyone.’
‘It was a last-minute arrangement.’ I was frustrated by the quiver in my voice. If I’d told her I had plans, she’d only have had more time to invent a reason for me to cancel them. Two years ago, she developed agonising toothache on the day I was supposed to be going away for the weekend with Steph. By the time I’d taken her to the emergency dentist and found out that it was nothing that couldn’t have waited until Monday, we’d missed our flight to Amsterdam.
‘Well, I organised this days ago. You’ll have to tell him you’re busy.’
‘No. I’m sorry, but I’m not cancelling a date on Valentine’s Day to spend yet another evening with my mum. Let’s just enjoy our dinner, and then I’m going out. It’s not that big a deal.’
The tears came then, as she collapsed into a chair, shaking her head as if completely baffled.
‘No, it’s fine. Of course. I’m just disappointed. I’d picked out a film, and had cocktails for later. Of course you must choose thisfriend from workover your silly mum. Don’t worry about the food – you go off and enjoy your night without me. I’ll be fine.’
She rubbed her chest a few times, face scrunched up to let me know the ‘pains’ were back, as predicted. I felt a prickle of guilt that I’d upset her, but the stab of anger that she was trying to manipulate me was, for the first time, stronger.
‘Okay, that’s really kind of you, Mum. We can save all this for tomorrow, and enjoy a really lovely evening together then.’
Her head jerked up, unable to hide the shock that I’d agreed.
‘Right.’ Watery eyes darted from the table to me, and then the door. ‘If you wouldn’t mind taking everything back into the kitchen, only –ooooh –my chest isn’t feeling very good.’ She took a deep breath, blowing it out as if trying to ease the agony.
‘No problem.’
