‘Yes. Yes, I’m okay. But oh my goodness, I’m so happy you came back.’
Sam pulled me into his chest, strong arms wrapping tightly around me. I felt him press a kiss against my forehead where my hood had slipped back. Nestling into his solid warmth, I would have smiled if I had the energy. I’d got a birthday kiss after all, and it was more wonderful than anything I could have imagined.
* * *
It was just after one when Sam’s truck pulled up by End Cottage. It turned out that time passes much slower than it seems while crashing through a forest in the dark, or hiding all alone in a tent. Irene was fine, wrapped in a blanket, sipping her second hot tea with a generous tot of whisky, and there were enough of the other guests still there that in the light of a successful search, it almost recreated the party atmosphere.
I asked if everyone could stay while I quickly changed. It was enough to set me off crying again, finding them all squeezed into the living room – my neighbours and friends. My family.
After offering a whole-hearted thanks to everyone, especially Irene and Sam, I dried my eyes, blew my nose and got straight to the point, given the late hour and the exhaustion seeping into my battered bones.
‘I had a speech all planned for this evening. I promise to keep it quick, but if you can indulge me for a few more minutes, I wanted to finish off a momentous four months by telling you what this evening was all about. It was all about this.’ I lifted up the Dream List in all its ticked-off glory. ‘When I was sixteen years old, I made a list of hopes and dreams for the future. Or rather, for a very specific future that included a Dream Man. A man I then spent thirteen years waiting to show up, so those dreams could come true. Despite my devastatingly honest best friend believing that the list was as daft as it was boring, she helped me realise that I didn’t need someone else to make my dreams happen. In fact, waiting for this elusive Dream Man was only stopping me from stepping into the kind of life thatIwanted. So, I decided to tackle the Dream List on my own. And this evening, I completed it. You might agree with Steph that it’s a pretty pathetic list.’
‘I never said pathetic!’ Steph called out.
‘Okay, a not-so-wild-and-adventurous list, then. But to me, this has been the biggest adventure. Learning what matters most to me, when it comes down to it. Which is creating a safe, welcoming place to call home, spending time with people I love, knowing who I am and what I like, and making time for that. Helping people by sharing my skills and letting them reciprocate that kindness. Having the courage to step out of my comfort zone, even if that is just the other side of the hedge. I don’t want to travel the world having fantastical experiences. I want my adventures to be right here, to put down roots and build something solid that will last. Is there a bigger risk than choosing to be yourself, however boring or peculiar that might be, and allowing other people to know that person, while committing to loving them for the long haul?
‘This summer has taught me that I can do it – I can stand on my own two feet and build a life that I’m proud of. But it’s also taught me that I don’t want to do it alone. That the best thing about life is when we share our dreams and the adventures that are making them come true. So, here’s to a whole new life of adventures, and the people I’ll get to share them with, hopefully including all of you. Thank you so much for still being here at stupid o’clock in the morning. The rain has stopped, so if you don’t mind I’m going to go outside and burn this list now.’
I could still hear them clapping and cheering as I struck the match.
* * *
Once the other guests had left, Leanne came outside. She pulled a chair up beside mine, reaching out and taking my hand.
‘Is she asleep?’
‘In the spare bed.Herbed as she calls it. Dad’s crashing at Pia’s. The worst of it is, we’d already decided to come back.’
‘What?’ I twisted round to face her, aware my knuckles were white where they gripped her hand.
‘It was obvious what living there was doing to her. I tried pretending that in time she’d adjust. But it was unbearable to see the life being crushed out of her. Like you said, being true to ourselves is too important. Joan couldn’t be herself there. It was like she predicted, a wild rabbit trapped in a cage. I didn’t know what to do. Trying to get through each day is all can I handle at the moment. Then Mum and Dad said they couldn’t stand it either. They’ve put an offer in on a house with a granny-flat on the other side of the village. We were waiting for it to be accepted before we told Joan, but if this doesn’t go through, we’ll find another one. I still have no idea what the future holds for us. But I know it’s here.’
‘This is turning out to be the best birthday I’ve ever had. Also the worst. But this more than makes up for it. I’m so glad you’re moving back.’ I shifted over to give her a hug. ‘And I mean you.’ I sniffed. ‘As well as Joan.’
‘I haven’t forgotten that I still owe you a good house clean.’
I laughed. ‘What other possible reason would there be for me wishing you were back in Bigley?’
35
The worst of the mess had been cleaned up while I was out looking for Joan. Ebenezer had helped me roll up the dance floor and stack the remaining hire chairs, insisting that it was only to protect his lawn, before he’d shuffled back to Middle Cottage. I was now alone in my beautiful, hand-crafted garden chair, a glass of flat Prosecco in hand and the thick blanket that Aunty Linda had crocheted for my birthday tucked around my knees.
‘Is it okay if I join you?’
Sam’s voice was husky with tiredness. It still managed to generate a shiver of attraction.
I used my foot to push out the nearest chair in invitation.
‘I thought I was the only one left awake.’
Sam picked up an empty glass from the stack waiting to be collected in the morning. I offered him my Prosecco bottle, and he sloshed out the remains before sinking into the chair. ‘I wondered if you might need help tidying up.’
‘I think you’ve helped enough for one night.’ We sat and surveyed the garden for a moment. ‘I know you don’t want to hear this again, but I need to say it…’
Sam visibly braced himself. ‘Are you going to shout at me for acting like a total prick at your party?’
I shook my head, a smile tweaking the corner of my mouth. ‘I was going to say thank you for lugging my dead weight a quarter of a mile through the pouring rain.’
