‘You should have told me.’
I gave a wretched nod. ‘I know. I’m so sorry. I genuinely didn’t think this was anything more than nuisance messages. I never would have knowingly put you and Hope at risk. I never would have stayed here if I’d known. Like I said—’
‘I can’t believe you were dealing with this by yourself,’ he reached across the table and took my ice-cold hand. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
I shrugged. ‘I thought I’d left that awfulness behind. I was trying to start again. I didn’t want to contaminate this lovely place with the disgusting dregs of my life in London.’ The one millionth tear of the past two days dribbled out, and I swiped it away with a frustrated hand. ‘I was ashamed.’
‘Eleanor, you did nothing wrong. Why would you be ashamed? And can I remind you that this entire village has been at war for the past thirty-six years? Can you imagine the nasty, petty, ugly things that people have said and done around here? I’m not living in some naïve idyllic countryside bubble. And I know that sometimes people hate for reasons that are completely irrational and unjustified.’
I knew I should tell him quite how much I deserved the hate, but I was so tired, and so scared, and needed him not to hate me too.
‘I’m a little insulted, to be honest, that you thought so little of me – of what we’re building here, together – that you wouldn’t share this.’ He let go of my hand, then, and the pain in his eyes made my throat ache.
‘It was a couple of messages… this kind of thing was an everyday part of my job. You don’t tell me every time someone at work has a go at you, or sends an arsey email…’ My voice fizzled out, unable to deliver such a feeble argument with any conviction.
‘Or sends me a heart in the post?’ He shook his head, frustrated. ‘Don’t downplay this. They sent messages to your personal phone. You left your home in the middle of the night.’ He paused, waiting for me to find the courage to look at him. ‘You should have told me.’
My whole body drooped. ‘I know. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for embroiling you in my problems. Do you want me to go?’
He sat back, then, eyes wide with shock. ‘No! I want you to trust me enough to let your problems be our problems. This is your home, Eleanor. I want you to stop thinking like I’mallowingyou to stay. Like there’s any doubt about whether you belong here. I want you to not even think about that as an option.’ He paused, mouth curling in the hint of a smile. ‘Team Damson.’
I managed a rueful smile in return. ‘Team Damson.’
‘Most of all, I want us to stop dithering about pretending to play it cool and officially admit that we’re a serious, committed, exclusive, head-over-heels-for-each-other couple.’
Wow.
‘Okay.’ I ducked my head, suddenly overcome.
‘Okay? That’s it?’ Daniel leant forwards across the table so that his face was looking right into mine. When that failed, he gently reached under my chin and tipped my head up so my eyes met his.
I took a deep breath. This man, his gorgeous smile, his tenderness. He was downright irresistible.
‘That would be lovely, thank you very much.’
I would tell him. I just needed a little more time to pull myself together first.
30
By Friday, my heart rate had almost returned to normal. Brenda had spoken to my parents, my old boss and to Lucy, currently safe and sound in a resort in the Alps. She had apparently been appalled and concerned, promising to be vigilant and immediately inform Brenda if she spotted anything that might be related to what had happened.
‘She said that since taking Nora in a new direction, the trolls have largely lost interest, so it will be a lot easier to spot if the Bee Murderer tries to make contact.’
‘Okay.’ I pressed my phone tight to my ear, just in case Daniel could hear the other end of the phone from the study.
‘She also said to tell you that she hopes you’re keeping safe, and to send her love.’
‘Thank you.’ Despite our awkward ending, I felt a rush of relief that Lucy was safe, and even more so that she seemed to have veered away from the Even Nastier Nora.
Brenda had not much else to add. ‘I’m following up with the Alamis, but it seems Layla’s parents have left the country, and it’ll take a while to locate the wider family. I’ve got another officer looking into the bee theft, and contacting the parcel delivery company, but again there’s not a lot to go on. Be reassured, though, that I’ve dealt with plenty worse in Ferrington over the years, and none of it came to anything. Try not to worry, leave it to the experts.’
Her calm demeanour helped settle my nerves down another notch. I spent an afternoon tidying up the garden with Becky, and even managed to stop looking over my shoulder every two minutes, instead allowing myself to enjoy the spring flowers peeping out from amongst the weeds. We saw rabbits hopping through the meadow beyond the fence, and a family of ducks sailed along our stretch of the river.
Recent events had dragged my mind back to my life in London, to the constant nag of inadequacy and discomfort and the never-ending need to cram my life so full it would smother the self-loathing.
My world had been filled with the illusion of glamour. I’d had parties and clothes, notoriety and enough money to enjoy it, but it had all counted for nothing, because this was what I had needed all along: to sit with a friend and share a pot of tea, the birds singing, sheep bleating in the distance, and to savour the satisfaction of taking something neglected and shambolic and setting about restoring it to something beautiful.
I didn’t know if it would ever be enough, these small attempts to counteract the damage I’d caused but I would pledge myself to keep trying, and that was the best I could do.
