Raw, obviously. Bloody and squelchy.
There was a typed note in the box:
A gift, seeing as yours appears to be missing. We will discuss your future plans in person soon.
Minutes later, having thrown an assorted pile of random items into the nearest bags I could find, I paused to take a photo of the heart, the box and its wrapping and then dumped it in the outside bin on my way the heck outta there.
13
Waking up the next morning, it took me a moment to remember why the usual feeling ofughhad been replaced with a flutter of anticipation: oh yes! I was going to make Charlie’s dream come true and transform a ramshackle, rickety farm into an exquisite getaway venue. I was going to atone for at least some of the awfulness that I’d contributed to the world by spending the foreseeable future helping restore and build people up instead of smashing them down. Hope would have a beautiful place to live, and Daniel might even be able to take a day off once in a while. I’d cook, and clean, and for the first time enjoy the far more challenging and noble craft of being a creator, not a critic.
I couldn’t undo what I’d done, but here at Damson Farm, I had the tiny twinkle of hope that I could at least, from this point forth do better. Time for my fresh start to commence.
I spent the day planning, plotting, poking my nose in the other bedrooms and making a list of what would need to be dumped, upcycled or stay as it was, and researching similar venues on the internet.
Then Lucy messaged:
I forgive you for firing me via a voicemail because I know something must be really up for you to walk away from Nora without even talking to me about it 1st, but honestly, WTF!?!?! I thought we were a team, not to mention friends! I can’t believe that after everything you care so little about Nora, or me. I can’t do that. I won’t put Nora ‘ON PAUSE’ and I won’t give up on her. I’ve spoken to Miles, and he isn’t going to, either. I wish you all the best with whatever the hell it is you’re doing, but, like I said: WTF!!!
I tapped out a quick reply, begging her to take the threats seriously and contact me, and then, with no small sense of trepidation, I looked at Nora’s media accounts. Wow. Lucy had not been slow in adopting her new role. There were various images of her here, there and everywhere, entwined with random semi-celebrities and according to her captions having the time of her life:
#NewNora and #LetsGetThisPartySharp-ed and other gibberish about how from now on she was taking no crap and loving herself as she deserved, and not going to waste her shot.
I also quickly discovered that she’d changed all the passwords so I could no longer access any of the accounts. ‘Well, Lucy,’ I muttered while simultaneously deleting all the accounts from my phone and laptop. ‘She’s all yours from now on.’ I didn’t bother reminding her that at some point Nora Sharp probably ought to mention something about food.
I whipped up a tray of caramel brownies and raised a mug of peppermint tea in a toast of farewell to a friendship, a career and an imaginary woman who had been both the making and the breaking of me.
* * *
As usual, once Hope was in bed gently snoozing down the baby monitor, Daniel and I convened for dinner at the kitchen table.
‘So, are you still set on turning my family home into a rescue home for stray city-slickers?’ he asked, after we’d loaded our plates with butternut squash lasagne and squares of crispy focaccia.
‘Only if you want me to,’ I replied. ‘It’s totally up to you if I save your family home from crumbling into ruins while simultaneously creating Charlie’s legacy, and securing a future for Hope. I’m easy either way.’
He let out a bark of laughter. ‘I get the feeling you’ve never been easy about anything. I was half expecting to emerge from my study and find our first guests settling into minty cocktails and sourdough canapés.’
‘Oooh, sourdough canapés. I’ll add that to the list.’
Daniel stopped eating, serious now. ‘Eleanor, this is a huge undertaking. A massive commitment. You can’t decide this overnight.’
‘How long did it take you to decide to keep Hope?’
He frowned, shaking his head. ‘That’s completely different!’
‘Well, it is and it isn’t. Sometimes someone or something needs taking care of. Needs someone else to say I’m going to make this work. And if it happens to be something you have the skills, experience and the time to do, why would you need a whole night to decide?’
‘What about the money and resources? I don’t have a lot I can invest in this. All the will in the world won’t be enough to even get started.’
‘I know we need to, like, do a million spreadsheets and look at costings and projections and expenditure and business plans, but I grew up doing this. I won’t spend a penny on the retreat until you’re happy we can see it through. But in the meantime, I have some savings. Not masses, but enough for paint, some new bedding and towels, toiletries, some other bits and bobs. I know what’s worth spending on now and what can wait. To start with, why not let me just get the place looking nice again, a lovely place for Hope – and you – to live in? Then you can decide about opening it up to other people.’
Daniel rubbed his scar. ‘Can I be honest?’
‘There’s no point us talking about this if you can’t.’
‘Okay.’ He took a sip of water. ‘I’m concerned that you’re doing this out of some sort of tribute to Charlie. Because you feel like you let her down by not responding to her invitations sooner. This is making it up to her. That’s the last thing she’d want. She’d want you to be living your dream, not hers.’
I shook my head, vigorously. But he hadn’t finished.
