After that one day, where nothing had happened and yet everything had changed, he finally accepted it was true, and would always be true.
And the least he could do now was the one last decent option open to him. To face the shame and the hurt he would cause, own up and take the consequences, whatever they might be.
Around five, Emma came home. He purposely hid in the bedroom when she arrived, trying to haul his shambles of a self together.
A few minutes later, Ben knocked on his door. ‘Hey, are you decent? It’s interview time.’
Just what he needed, a camera in his face.
‘Does it have to be now? I’m working,’ he croaked back.
‘Wife’s orders.’
‘What?’ Dread skittered up Cooper’s spine. What possible reason would Emma have for wanting to do an interview? She hated them. Unless… had Bridget said something? Had one of the others guessed? Emma hadn’t come home last night.
Cooper swallowed back the bile rising in his throat, tried to assume an appropriate expression and, for the first time in a long time, muttered a heartfelt prayer. Not for himself. He knew he deserved everything he got. But if there was any way that in all of this Emma could get spared some pain…
‘Hi.’ She was sitting on one side of the sofa, a mug of tea in her hand. If he hadn’t already been suspicious, one glance at her brittle expression, the shadows underneath bloodshot eyes and the tense set to her shoulders confirmed this wasn’t good.
Cooper sat next to her, offering a weak smile that did nothing to ease the strained atmosphere.
‘Right. Ready?’ Ben asked, the face behind his camera serious for once.
Emma nodded.
Cooper shrugged.
Emma looked him right in the eye. ‘It has come to my attention that you’re in love with my sister.’
Cooper’s brain froze. He looked at Emma, at the bravery and fear swirling behind her eyes, and his internal organs were suddenly too heavy for his body. He opened his mouth. Sucked in a pointless breath. Tried to find something to say, anything, to make this not as bad as it was right now.
Emma’s bottom jaw trembled. She looked down, her fists clenching the loose fabric of her black trousers as she battled to regain control. Cooper’s skull burned with the rising pressure of unshed tears.
‘Okay. I guess that confirms it.’ She glanced at Ben, then back to Cooper. ‘I think you owe me an explanation.’
Cooper nodded. He knew he wouldn’t be able to find the words to make it a good one, but he would at least try to make it honest.
‘I did love her. For a long time. It’s one of the reasons I took the job in Cardiff.’ He paused to clear his throat. ‘I thought, when I came back, that I could… move past it. I shut those feelings down and focussed on starting over. I really, really care about you, Emma. I admire so much about you. You’re beautiful, in every way. I don’t connect with people. But with you, I felt like things could be different. Theyaredifferent.’
‘So, all that’s wrong with me, then, is that I’m not my sister.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’
‘But those feelings popped back up.’
‘Yes.’
‘Like, the times when I kissed you and you froze. You were thinking about Bridget.’ A slow tear made its way down her cheek.
‘Not consciously, no.’
She swiped at the tear, impatiently. ‘So, what happened yesterday?’
He took a deep breath. ‘I don’t know what happened. Bridget was different. It was as if she saw me differently. Like she saw me the way I’d always longed for her to. I don’t know. It threw me. I felt confused and… I was – Iama wreck. Emma. I am only beginning to learn how to love, and to be loved. My biggest reservation about marrying you was that I wouldn’t stand a chance of being worthy of you. And I was right. I’ve failed you. And while I know sorry can’t be enough, I am truly sorry.
‘If you still want to stay married, I will do whatever it takes to try to put this right. I’ll resign from my job. Delete her number. Cut off as much contact with your family as you want me to. We’ll emigrate if that helps. I will promise you 100 per cent of me from now on.’
Emma wrinkled her nose. ‘I’m not sure you want to make me that promise. If you did, you’d already have deleted her number.’ She turned to Ben. ‘Can you stop filming now, please?’
