I didn’t know what to make of this. I might be angry with Sofia and Moses when I thought about it properly, but, honestly, when they’d been so blatantly proven right I could hardly be that annoyed. But more importantly, what did it mean for me and Cooper? Would I have stayed with him this long, had I known? If he knew, would that be all the push he needed to end this absurd experiment?
If Cooper told me that he’d fallen for me, that he only saw Bridget as a friend, that he would leave the university and limit all contact with Bridget to minimal family occasions, would I be pleased with that outcome?
Or, as I’d shared with Sofia only weeks before, was there a part of me that knew I’d never love Cooper as a wife should, and that despite the heartbreak and the humiliation, and my utter devastation at the damage it had done to my relationship with Bridget, that not-so-tiny part of me was actually relieved?
I collapsed back onto the sofa, suddenly ready to scarf a bowl of melted ice cream. As I shovelled in a spoonful, a realisation slowly dawned.
‘But I made those vows, and I meant them.’
‘Can you remember what you said?’ Sofia asked.
‘No, actually.’
‘You remember Moses and I rewrote them, so you didn’t have to promise something that wasn’t true.’
I did remember.
‘Well, we kind of rewrote them so you didn’t have to promise anything that would mean your marriage was binding forever, either. There was no “as long as we both shall live”. “I promise to support you, to accept you as you are and be honest and open with you. I commit to making the most of what our future may bring, as we move forwards together. I will treat you with the respect, compassion and kindness you deserve for taking this chance with me. Blah, blah, blah.” I can’t remember the rest, but you get the drift.’
‘Wow. I’m not married. I didn’t even promise to stay married.’ I looked at my sister. ‘So, what do I do?’
‘I think you know. But first, go home and talk to Cooper.’
‘Are you going to talk to Bridget?’ I stood up, glancing around for my jacket and bag.
Sofia winced at me. ‘I think you know the answer to that, too.’
‘I’m sorry you’re going to end up caught in the middle of this. I guess everyone is.’ My voice cracked at the thought of it.
‘It’s not your fault, Old One.’
‘Well, considering I’m the one stupid enough to marry someone I’d barely met, I think it probably is.’
26
Cooper
Cooper couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this stressed. This was worse than when he’d whistle-blown on his research partner and been forced to resign. Worse than deciding to marry Emma. Worse than the day his aunt Louisa left. Because all those things, although nerve-wracking and at times panic-riddled, they’d at least held some hope. The reassurance that came with doing the right thing.
This was… just vile in comparison.
He’d spent the day trawling for jobs. Starting local, then moving outwards as his search became increasingly bleak. Initially focussing on employment that he was qualified for, interested in and that matched his current salary, he soon progressed to scrolling through the kind of work he used to do before he graduated.
Disgusted with himself, he slapped the laptop shut and closed his eyes, flopping against the back of the sofa. How was he to explain to Emma that he was leaving his new and promising role in his chosen field to work on a factory line for minimum wage, or in a bar?
He’d be better off asking her to hire him as a kitchen hand.
But would a job change be enough? Did they need to move away, to restrict contact with Bridget to special occasions and video chats?
He’d cut off all contact with her for four years, and that hadn’t sorted it. If he was being honest, and perhaps it was time to be, if anything it had made his feelings for her even stronger.
How could he explain to Emma that they needed to move away from her thriving business, her family and her friends, for him to take on a worse job, doing something he hated?
Even if he could convince her that he’d developed a sudden passion to live in Newcastle and work in a call centre, without the Cakery income how could they afford to live there?
It was a complete and utter mess.
Cooper had spent a lot of years hating himself. Had been told enough times that he was nothing, a waste of space.
